


I'll Throw Us Stars, Stars, Stars!

by ChrysX



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Age Difference, Alive Hale Family, Alpha Derek Hale, Alternate Universe - Office, Alternate Universe- Everyone Is A Shapeshifter, Alternate Universe- Juana La Virgen, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Abortion, Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski Endgame, Discussion of Abortion, Editor Derek Hale, F/M, First Time, Fox Stiles Stilinski, Intercrural Sex, M/M, Mpreg, Mutual Pining, Omega Stiles Stilinski, Photographer Stiles Stilinski, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2019-06-27 09:11:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 46,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15682383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrysX/pseuds/ChrysX
Summary: This is a ''Juana La Virgen'' au, meaning the 2002 telenovela which i unironically love. As it is based on a telenovela it is sometimes overly cheesy and full of impossible coincidences for the sake of drama!In an alternate universe where everyone is some sort of shapeshifter, Derek Hale the 30 year old chief editor of ''Alpha to Ωmega'' magazine has just come out on the winning side of a difficult adventure with his health. He is finally in a really good place in his life. He has a job he's great at, a loving family and the perfect girlfriend by his side. The only thing he wishes for? A child of course!  That's where Stiles Stilinski comes in the picture. The 18 year old photography student who somewhere along the story ends up working for Derek... and also is somehow pregnant with his child. But neither of them knows that!





	1. One's an incident...

Stiles does not remember Beacon Hills looking so beautiful in the summer.  When he left it last fall to head to Los Angeles he was certain that he would hardly miss it. He had been counting down the days till the moment he could finally go to somewhere bigger; more exciting. Somewhere that something would finally happen and give his life a sense of direction… a meaning. And the truth is that this last year in L.A. had been full of valuable experiences. And it had been far from boring. His courses at the UCLA were everything he had hoped for and his social life _and_ appeal had definitely improved. But he had missed the feeling of home and familiarity; of belonging. Maybe if he had gotten to come back to Beacon Hills for his breaks it would be different but now he is beyond excited to be back and he is falling in love with his little town all over again. Or maybe  for the first time.

It’s been only three days since he returned and he has taken countless pictures since then. Everywhere he goes he takes his trusted Nikon with. Everything seems interesting and important. The children playing basketball in their backyards, the expressions of the audience during a screening at the outdoor summer cinema, the  view from his childhood bedroom. Just… everything. His jeep is at the shop for some pretty expensive repairs that make him happy he worked through his breaks so he rented a friend’s motorcycle. She has the same exact color as Roscoe, she’s also very stubborn and she even has a sidecar. Stiles has been wanting a [motorcycle with a sidecar](http://www.2040-motos.com/_content/cars/images/53/287553/001.jpg) since he saw Edgar’s at the Aristocats.  It’s a dream come true. It also makes it easier for him to go around taking photos of anything that catches his attention. It’s a good thing almost everyone knows he’s a photography student or else people would mistake him for a creep.

Today he had planned to spend the morning at the open food market taking place at the outskirts of the city since there is an upcoming food photography project at his school but an unexpected summer rain changes his plans. He waits inside a diner for it to subside and then decides to head for the ‘’ **Α** lpha **to** **Ω** mega’’ magazine headquarters; the magazine that basically started the Hale family’s publishing empire. His high school friend Erica works there as an assistant while taking classes at the community college. It has been over thirty years now since the Reyes pack decided to incorporate itself to the Hale pack and since then the families have been very close. Talia Hale, the pack’s Alpha, is Erica’s godmother and also the person she looks most up to.  

Even though Stiles and Erica haven’t spoken in months when he messaged her yesterday to let her know he is back in town, she was very adamant that he should go meet her at the magazine.

Stuck in traffic, with the fat raindrops settling on the bare skin of his arms and shoulders causing him to shiver, Stiles realizes that maybe renting a motorcycle was not the wisest choice. At least his open face helmet helps shelter his eyes. It doesn’t prevent him though from noticing the guy who is shamelessly checking him out from the black Camaro stuck right beside him. Stiles is starting to get irritated. It is not like he is not used to Alphas being evidently aware of his presence. He knows Omegas are rare and sought after. But the man is not even trying to be discreet. He is straight up staring. At some point Stiles turns to look at him provocatively,his eyes flashing bright gold; like ‘’can i help you with something?’’.

 ‘’Beautiful.‘’ The guy says and Stiles is taken aback by his forwardness.‘’The motorcycle.’’ The Alpha adds after a quick pause and a stupid smirk forms on his face. Right then the traffic light turns green and the guy takes off before Stiles can say anything.

 ‘’ Asshole.’’ He murmurs under his breath, trying to get the motorcycle to start. If he ever sees him again, he’ll punch the smirk off his idiotic, handsome face.

* * *

 

”Are you sure about this, Derek?” Boyd asks obviously worried. “This is not a decision someone should be making spontaneously. Your life just got back to normal. Shouldn’t you… i don’t know…Take some time? Think things through?”

Derek sighs exasperatedly. He has heard this same speech three times since this morning. From his mother, from his sisters and now from his best friend. Why does everyone consider him incapable of making rational, informed decisions? He was sick and now he isn’t. Which part of that process has taken points from his logic credit?

He pushes aside the rough version of the next issue they are going to print and sits back at his office chair, giving Boyd his full attention.

“I _have_ thought this through. It is not an ‘’in the heat of the moment’’ kind of decision. The process of having a child through surrogacy is not easy. It is long and complicated. If at any point I felt hesitant about my decision I would have put an end to it. But I _am_ sure. This is what I want and I think that now is the right time. I am thirty years old, the magazine is doing well, I am healthy again… I feel like I can do anything.’’

“ I am just saying that right now you might not be doing this for the right reasons. You almost died…we almost lost you. Is it so irrational of me to believe that you might be… I don’t know… a bit enamored with the idea of passing on your genes?’’

Derek shakes his head fervently. “No. I am not saying that me almost dying has nothing to do with my decision. It certainly put things into perspective. But the way you describe it... it’s not it.” He stands up and walks to the big picture windows behind his desk.

He is not searching for immortality. Derek knows very well the feeling of being between one breath and your last and it does not frighten him. He just feels he is ready. He has all these infinite amounts of love and protectiveness building up inside of him and he wants nothing more than to offer them to someone; unconditionally, unafraid… To love someone with everything he has.

“What is Paige thinking of this?” His friend asks.

“She’s very supportive of my decision. A lot more supportive than my family and friends.”

“You _must_ be able to see that you are asking too much of her. She is recovering as well and she just got back to doing the thing she loves.”

“Me having a child and my relationship with Paige are two separate things. I’ve made it clear to her that I’m not rushing her into anything she’s not ready for. My child is my responsibility and mine only.’’

He feels very lucky he has found someone so understanding like Paige. They met during his weekly support group meetings and Derek is almost certain that if it wasn’t for her, he would have given up that whole ordeal and never set foot again in the way too cheerful room of the town’s community center where the sessions were held. He was too angry back then; bitter, without hope. Together, he and Paige got through the worst parts of their illnesses and the treatment process. They made each other stronger. He is not sure when it was that their friendship started turning into something more but Paige later confessed that she had fallen in  love with him almost instantly. Derek is not sure about what he feels for Paige. But he knows that whatever it is, it makes his heart feel safe; like it’s in good hands. He is happy he gave her a chance. Soon they will have been together for two years.

“Why is my personal assistant drinking a smoothie at the front entrance instead of working?” Derek asks inquiringly, eager to change the subject. He can see Erica through the thick glass of his window, sitting at the front steps of the main entrance  with her legs crossed. She’s sipping her icy, pink drink through a straw and looks around as if she’s waiting for someone.

“She’s expecting a friend.” Boyd explains. He understands that their conversation is over so he picks up his files and leaves Derek’s office to go back to work.

Indeed, a couple minutes later someone arrives and Erica jumps up from her seat to run to the boy and wrap him in a tight hug.  Recognition spreads on Derek’s face when he realizes that Erica’s friend is the same guy riding the sidecar motorcycle he had seen on his way to work. He’s even carrying that ridiculous [Batman helmet](https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/GLYAAMXQfFJRPIKc/s-l300.jpg) of his.

“Beautiful.” He mutters again. He can’t help it. At least this time he doesn’t have to school his expression and cover up for what he said. The word had just flown out of his mouth back then before Derek’s brain could catch up. His face had felt hot with mortification for the rest of his drive. His stomach had felt a bit weird too. Like in pain… but the good kind (is that even a thing?).  And suddenly he, a thirty year old male, had to beat down the compulsion to sing along the lyrics of “Enchanted” when Taylor’s voice started filling the car through the speakers.

* * *

 

 ”Are you sure it’s okay for me to be in here?” Stiles asks nervously as Erica leads him to her desk. He can tell it’s her desk by the Funshine Care Bear plush sitting on it. She’s been obsessively collecting them for years.

 “Yeah? Why wouldn’t it be?” She asks as if confused by the question. She brings a chair over for him and  she proceeds to sit on the desk surface, causing her white, lace skirt to rise up a little.

 “ Uh...Cause everyone is working here?” He replies, looking around the room where everyone is writing non-stop on their computer. “And we are not?”

 “And you think i brought you all the way here for chit-chat? _Nope_. I have a business proposal for you.” She explains enthusiastically.

 “A business proposal?” Stiles repeats, narrowing his eyes in suspicion. “What kind of bussiness proposal?”

 “The magazine is celebrating its 25 year anniversary and the Hales are throwing a party. Tomorrow night.”

 “And you’re short on waiting staff?” He asks, trying to predict where the conversation was heading.

 Erica rolls her eyes. “No, Stiles, you _goof_. We need a photographer. The one they hired cannot make it for some reason and they made me responsible for finding a replacement. A.k.a. You!”

 “You know i just finished freshman year, right?  I am not an _actual_ professional photographer.”

 “Most actual professional photographers around Beacon Hills have not won like a zillion awards and scholarships before they were even sixteen. Stop selling yourself short!” She says in mock anger and hits him playfully on the shoulder.

 “Erica, it was just two stupid awards.” Modesty is not usually Stiles’ forté. He is actually immensely proud and grateful for those scholarships  but he doesn’t want the Hales to get the wrong impression about who they are hiring.

 “ Stiles, i know you can do this. I trust that you will do a good job. Plus… i’m a little desperate cause it’s a bit hard to find someone  competent in such short notice. So _please_. Will you help a sister out?”

 “ _Well_ , i am not in a position to be turning down jobs so it’s not like i’m going to play it hard to get. You got yourself a multi-times awarded photographer.” He says with a smile and stands up to hug her.

 “My sweet, loyal Batman always to the rescue.” She says affectionately, returning the hug.  He has always found her familiar, nightflower-y smell very comforting and relaxing.

 Hearing somebody clear their throat pointedly right behind his back, Stiles breaks the hug and turns to face them.

 “Oh my God! It’s you again!” He exclaims. It is the Camaro Alpha dude. He is standing in front of Stiles in all his stupid, supermodel glory. Black Armani vested suit and everything.

 “Have we met?” The guy asks, goggling his otherworldly green eyes to feign ignorance.

 “Dude, are you stalking me now?”  Stiles presses. The man has the nerve to look offended.

 “Stiles!” Erica cuts in, suddenly alarmed. “ This is Derek Hale. Chief editor of ‘’ **A** lpha **to** **Ω** mega’’ magazine and my _boss._ You are obviously mistaking him for someone else.”

 “Yeah… obviously.” He says, backing down. He doesn’t want to get Erica in trouble.

 “Derek, this is Stiles Stilinski. He is the photographer i hired for the anniversary party.”

 Stiles offers his hand for a shake but Hale ignores it.

“How old are you?” He asks instead.

 “If you’re worried about my experience, Mr. Hale, there’s no need. I have plenty.” He replies, trying to sound like a serious adult doing serious adult things. He even gives him the most charming smile he can muster.

 “Oh… good. That's goo- great.” Hale mumbles and a faint blush colors his clean shaven cheeks. “I… I have to go now. Doctor’s appointment.” He quickly explains and strides towards the  automatic glass exit doors.

 “He’s weird.” Stiles points out.

 “He’s been through a lot… I will explain some other time when we’re not here.” Erica says. “But besides being a _total_ social disaster, he is a great guy. Really.”

 “If you say so.” He picks up his helmet from the desk and leans in to give her a kiss on the cheek.  “I should be going.”

 “So soon?”

 “Well actually i have a doctor’s appointment too.”

 “Something wrong?”

 “Nope. Just my regular check up and i need a suppressants’ prescription. My heat’s coming up.”

 “Oh...still found no one you would rather spend it with?”

 Stiles shakes his head but doesn’t say anything. His friends have always been nothing but supportive but they have a hard time understanding why Stiles can’t just get it on with someone. He is fairly attractive and just the sole fact that he is an Omega should guarantee him the attention of many desirable Alphas .But it is just so rare for Stiles to develop that kind of attraction towards someone. He cannot understand why but it just takes a lot of work and effort for his brain to do that ‘’click’’ and start seeing the other person in a different light. It has only happened a couple times to him but unfortunately, instead of the forming of a relationship, it led to complete and utter heartbreak. That doesn’t mean he’s stopped hoping though. He knows it will happen for him.

 Any moment now.


	2. Twice Is A Coincidence

Dr. Alan Deaton is probably the only other person besides Paige who is not completely against the idea of Derek becoming a father with the help of a surrogate. Deaton has been his family’s physician for years and Derek trusts him. Especially these last few difficult years the two of them got even closer since Deaton was the one to oversee his treatment plan. This is why Derek chose to go through with the procedure here, at Deaton’s small private clinic, and not at a bigger one in Sacramento.

“The female Beta has already signed the papers and moved to the examination room. “ Deaton explains, handing him the contract over the desk. “So if you think that everything is to your liking, we can go on with the procedure right away. The girl has dutifully kept up with her hormonal therapy and her tests show that she is completely healthy. I think her chances of conceiving are pretty good.”

Derek scans over the contract. “Her middle name is Erin” , is all he says. He looks at the picture on the desk and hates it that he feels no sort of familiarity toward the tiny, smiling redhead there. When he was going through the potential surrogate profiles, he was hoping that one of them would call out to him; that a feeling of rightness and of destiny being fulfilled would take over him. Nothing like that happened though. Derek decides he should be happy that the future mother of his child is in good health and at least from his first impressions a decent and likeable human being. He wishes he could picture how a child created by the two of them will turn out to be… He can’t.

Deaton looks at him skeptically. “Derek, if this feels too impersonal for you, there’s no rush… We can wait.”

“Wait for what?”

“For you to fall in love and do this with the person you will actually want to make a family with.”

Derek just stares at him in disbelief. ‘’You know I am with Paige, right?’’

‘’Of course.’’ Deaton replies with a firm smile and a tone that suggests he finds this piece of information irrelevant.

‘’And I have no intention to break up with her in the immediate future.’’ He adds to emphasize his point.

‘’So… it is Paige the person that you imagine yourself raising this child with.’’

‘’No…I mean…I don’t know. Paige’s life just got back to normal and she’s finally able to re-focus on her music and her students. She’s enthusiastic, she’s making plans… I don’t think she would want to get involved in this process anyway.’’

‘’Why not? As you said she’s in a good place in her life. Just as you, the treatment she underwent will probably challenge her significantly in the fertility department. Why wouldn’t she want to try the surrogate option along with her partner? Maybe it’s not her priority  _ now  _ but if you wait a year or two…’’

‘’Alan, please.’’ Derek interrupts him, obviously agitated. ‘’This is a personal matter for me. What Paige’s role will be in all these, I’ll figure it out along the way. But I’m not waiting. I am ready to go through with it now.’’ He says decisively and signs the contract.

Deaton nods and pulls the contract to his side of the desk. “We’ve got everything we need from you. I will call you to tell you how it went.”

Derek stands up to leave and Deaton offers to accompany him to the main entrance downstairs.

“And remember…” The man says before they’re about to part ways. “We can try again and again so if this time it doesn’t work out, there’s no need for you to feel disappointed.”

Derek understands that very well but he truly hopes it will work out. It is really frustrating knowing there is nothing he can do to make sure it does. He has to trust his luck and so far… luck hasn’t been his greatest ally.

* * *

Truth be told, if his father hadn’t kept pestering him about it, Stiles would have tried to avoid the visit at the clinic. There should sure be another way for an Omega to get the suppressants they need that doesn’t involve going through the Check Up from Hell. Everything has gone well up till now of course. He has done his blood tests and his third dose of the HPV vaccine but the moment that he always dreads for has arrived. The condition of his… well...  _ general southern region _ must be examined too and he would really rather not to. He can’t really know if it is the same for female patients but for him the procedure always varies from uncomfortable to plain painful, depending on who is doing it. He assumes that due to the rarity of the Omegas, most doctors are not familiar (at least in practice) with the complexities of a male Omega’s anatomy. But that’s not  _ his _ fault. He shouldn’t have to suffer for it. Also sitting on that stupid examination chair with his feet propped up on the stirrups, wearing nothing but a thin piece of cloth always makes him feel strangely vulnerable. He just wants to be done with this already.

The nurse that helped him prepare is constantly moving around the room, keeps asking him if he’s comfortable and is carefully setting things down on a sterilized tray. This is taking a lot longer than he is used to.  He doesn’t understand what all this fuss is about. It’s just a stupid, routine examination, not an open heart surgery.

Just when he’s about to say fuck it and get up to stretch a little, the door opens forcefully and a very pissed looking woman in dark blue scrubs comes in. She is yelling at somebody on the phone.

“You know, Alan? I don’t even care.” She says. But the angry tone in her voice suggests otherwise. “It is your clinic after all. But let me remind you that this is the third time he fails to show up to work without informing us beforehand.”

There is a man on the other line, apparently trying to calm her down. It is not working. She has her hand firmly set on her waist and keeps rolling her big, brown eyes in a ‘’god give me strength’’ context about every two seconds.

‘’Do you even understand how tight my schedule is?’’ She goes on. ‘’I just got out of a cesarean and I have another scheduled in about an hour? But apparently I have to do everyone’s job in this clinic!’’

She ends the conversation with an irritated sniff and slips the phone in her breast pocket. There is a name tag also there which says Dr.Marin Morrell.  The doctor doesn’t speak for a few minutes. She takes a few deep breaths, washes her hands at the sink next to the examination chair and then lets the nurse help her put on the latex gloves. It is only after she sits on the stool placed in front of him that she addresses Stiles.

‘’I am sorry about my earlier outburst. It was completely unprofessional and… I really don’t know what to say. If you want to reschedule with another doctor…”

‘’No! No rescheduling. Please, let’s get this over with.” Stiles almost begs. His patience is starting to wear thin. He just wants to get home to prepare for tomorrow’s gig. He has to skype with Erica to plan out the details and he also has to find something decent to wear. He might have to get Lydia on that.

“Of course.” Dr. Morrell says in a reassuring tone. “It really won’t take that long. I will just insert the catheter…”

“Um...I would honestly prefer it if you could spare me the details.” Stiles interrupts her as she tries to explain. “Just… do what you have to do.”

Morrell nods and he turns his eyes to stare at the ceiling, bracing himself for what’s to come. Surprisingly, it turns out to not be as bad as he expected it to be. The examination dragged a little longer than he’s used to but he barely felt anything. He makes a mental note to always ask for Morrell when he fixes a doctor appointment.

“Now you just have to rest here for a few minutes and then you’ll be good to go.” She says, throwing the used gloves inside a yellow bin. “Unfortunately, I’m in a hurry but the girls at the reception will give you written guidelines for the next couple of weeks.”

She flashes him a grin and all but runs out of the door, yelling “and good luck!!!” almost as an afterthought.

Good luck about what? Guidelines about what? Stiles is confused.

“What about my prescription?” He asks the nurse who had stayed behind to clean up.

“What prescription?” The young, freckled girl narrows her blue eyes as if she has no idea what Stiles is talking about.

“The suppressants.” He explains. “I mean that’s the main reason i am even here. My heat is only days away.”

Stiles watches as the girl’s already pale face drains of all color. Her eyes grow huge as if she’s coming to a realization.

“It’s okay if you forgot.” Stiles quickly adds in before the girl goes into panic mode. “The doctor seemed to be in a hurry… Maybe I can come by tomorrow…”

“No! That’s… There’s no need.” She says hurriedly. “Dr. Morrells’ secretary has her login code. I will call her and you can pass by her office to pick up the prescription.”

“Awesome!” Stiles exclaims thankfully and stands up to go put on his clothes.  He doesn’t understand why he had to even rest in the first place. He feels fine.

* * *

Derek is a stress eater. Even during the period of his illness when his appetite had minimized dramatically, every time he was anxious he would find something small to munch on. So…even though he was supposed to be home by now, a small food truck parked right outside the clinic caught his attention and he ended up stuck on a bench nearby eating an alarmingly huge amount of French fries drenched in ketchup. The people passing by are looking at him funny but he is trying to ignore their stares. He knows that he looks out of place; a guy in a thousand dollar suit and equally expensive shoes sitting on a graffiti covered bench, eating junk food and sighing audibly every time he checks his phone. Weird, right? But he just can’t calm himself down. He thinks that maybe it would have been better if he had been present for the procedure and actively shown his support but he did not want the poor girl to start feeling anxious if she saw how invested Derek was in the process. They will meet again after… _ if  _ she gets pregnant.

‘’Ooookay. This is getting super weird.’’ Derek turns his head and sees Erica’s friend slash photographer slash what the fuck are those eyes standing a couple feet away with his arms crossed and a judgmental look on his face. ‘’ _ One _ is an incident. _ Two _ is a coincidence. But  _ three _ ? Three is you are an ultra psycho stalker and I will have to let you know that I am super fast and agile… And also that my father is the Sheriff.’’

‘’I am just… eating fries.’’ Derek says defensively, being at a loss for words. He gets that distinct feeling of disorientation every time he sees the boy. It’s as if everything around him starts getting fuzzy and kind of distant while the boy becomes the main focus; the only thing that stands out. Derek is not oblivious. He can tell this constitutes some sort of unusual attraction. He can’t say he hates the feeling but he is also not going to allow himself to go nuts on a guy he barely knows and who is at least ten years younger than him. Stiles still hasn’t told him exactly how old he is. This will probably keep him up at night.

‘’Oh yeah. Right outside the clinic that I just visited.  _ Totally _ normal. Come on dude, be honest. Are you about to go ‘’fifty shades of grey’’ on me?’’

‘’Don’t know,  _ dude _ .’’ Derek replies smirking, having come a bit to his senses. ‘’ Maybe  _ you _ ’re about to go ‘’fatal attraction’’ on me. I mean… you were right there when I told Erica I had a doctor’s appointment.’’

‘’I am not sure what ‘’fatal attraction’’ is exactly…’’, he says and Derek is not even surprised, ‘’but you have a point there.’’ Visibly more relaxed, he comes to sit right beside him on the bench. ‘’Can I?’’ He asks, pointing to his fries.

‘’Help yourself.’’ Derek was not actually hungry to begin with so Stiles can have as many fries as he wants.

‘’Thanks.’’ He picks up a handful and shoves them all in his mouth.

‘’Charming.’’  Derek states sarcastically but the boy ignores him and goes on to pick up some more.

‘’I didn’t eat in the morning cause I had to do blood work too.’’ Stiles explains. ‘’I am famished.’’

‘’How come you came to a private clinic?  Isn’t it a bit costly?’’ He asks, trying to make small talk. He’s obviously horrible at it.

Stiles shakes his head. ‘’ They have a state funded program for male Omegas. It’s not like there are many of us in California. I think maybe close to three hundred? ‘’

‘’You’re an Omega?’’ He asks, genuinely curious.

The boy gives him an incredulous look. ‘’Yeah…like you couldn’t tell.’’

‘’I assure you I did not.’’  

‘’No way. What about…’’ He scrunches up his nose and pokes at it. Derek can’t help but smile. He is kind of captivated by the kid’s expressions.

‘’Well… it’s kind of a long story… A few years back I was diagnosed with something that demanded several rounds of a very aggressive treatment. It was a very long process and it left my wolf weakened. My senses are not as strong as they used to be.’’

Stiles does not reply for several seconds. He just stares back at Derek, his expression completely blank. ‘’You did not have to tell me that.’’ He says in the end.

Derek chuckles and tries to lighten the atmosphere. ‘’I know. I did it to guilt trip you. For eating all my fries and stuff.’’

The boy huffs a weak laugh but remains completely serious. ‘’No, seriously. I know this can feel terribly confusing. For a couple years back in middle school, I lost my ability to shift at all. It felt like my fox had fallen into a coma or something. I could barely sense it. I did not know how big of a part of myself it was until I lost it. It messed up with my instincts, my moral compass… everything. So yeah… kind of a big deal.’’

‘’It is.’’ Derek admitted. ‘’And I am glad you got it back. And for me… it’s getting better. I am getting there.’’

‘’Good.’’ Stiles replies emphatically and smiles warmly at him.  Derek smiles back without even thinking about it. He finds himself experiencing one of those moments where seconds pass by really slowly. And along with time, his mind slows down too. He reaches out and with his thumb he brushes the boy’s lower lip that has been stained by a red drop of sauce. He doesn’t understand what he has done until he sees Stiles’ eyes widening in surprise. He takes his hand away and stands up.

‘’I should get going now. They are waiting for me at home.’’ He says, pointing to the exact opposite direction from where home actually is.

‘’Oh…okay. I’ll see you tomorrow then.’’

‘’Yeah?’’

‘’Uhm…sure. At the party, right? It will be kind of hard to miss each other.’’

Derek had totally forgotten about the party. He is kind of excited that he will get the chance to meet with Stiles again but the thought of Stiles, his family and Paige at the same place makes him sort of dizzy. Is he supposed to be feeling guilty? He’s not sure. He’s not planning to go out of his way to keep the boy into his life. He’s definitely not planning to destroy the beautiful relationship that he has built with Paige for a meaningless and completely unexpected attraction that would lead nowhere. But again… Derek never planned to get sick and he never planned to get his heart broken. Sometimes things… just happen.

* * *

‘’I cannot believe this has happened.’’

Marine watches her brother pace around the office with a troubled expression on his face that sort of reminds her of when they were teenagers and Alan, as the responsible one, had to find ways to get her out of messy situations. She can’t even comprehend how she ended up in this one though. She was just doing her job in the best way she could.

‘’I wasn’t even supposed to be there…’’ She says lamely. ‘’I was just filling in for Montgomery. And I was in a hurry…’’

‘’How is any of these an excuse?’’ Alan all but yells.

‘’Why do I even need an excuse? It was the receptionist who screwed up when she sent him in the wrong room.’’

‘’And you, as his  _ goddamn _ doctor, could not exchange two words with the person under your care? Or I don’t know… take a quick look at his medical history and  start asking yourself why an eighteen year old  _ kid  _ who is not even sexually active would ever decide to become a surrogate?’’

‘’Alan, it is true that I could… _ should  _ have been more thorough but don’t act like you don’t know how hectic my program is. We are working under a lot of pressure and it could have happened to anyone. Besides, I don’t think things are as serious as you make it out to be. The girl in the end was successfully inseminated and… what are the chances of the boy getting pregnant? He was not in heat and had not taken any fertility drugs…’’

‘’Right, because Omegas are known to be struggling with their fertility.’’ He comments, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

‘’Stop making things more complex than they are. Call Derek and tell him everything went fine and in two weeks time we’ll know if the Beta is pregnant or not. Around the same time we will call the boy for supposedly follow up tests. If he isn’t pregnant, then we have no problem at all. If he is…well… our legal team has two weeks to figure out a defense strategy.’’

Alan let out a humorless laugh. ‘’You’re acting like we didn’t change two people’s lives. We might have accidentally connected them forever. And they don’t even know each other.’’

* * *

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Third Time is A Pattern

It is already late afternoon when Derek enters his family house at the Preserve; a beautiful, mid-century style mansion standing deep in the Beacon Hills’ woods.  Only a few months after he was diagnosed he came to accept that he would need all the help he could get, so he left the spacious loft he had been renting and moved back with his family. He doesn’t regret it. Without his family those last couple of years would have been pure madness. They kept him sane. They kept him motivated. And with a child coming into his life, hopefully soon, the thought of having his people so close is very comforting.

When he walks into the living room he sees his younger sister Cora and Paige sitting side by side on the big couch, drinking icy lemonade and watching one of their guilty pleasure telenovelas on TV, completely transfixed. He loves how Paige is like a second sister to Cora. He loves how easily she became a part of his family. She is the one right choice Derek made after a series of admittedly horrible ones and he feels constantly thankful for that; for her. 

‘’Derek!’’ Cora exclaims happily when she notices him. She turns off the TV and strides up to him, wrapping him into a tight hug.

‘’To what do I owe this sudden display of affection?’’ He asks, obviously amused.

She pulls back and looks up at him guiltily, nervously biting her bottom lip. 

‘’It’s just… I am feeling a little bad. Today was an important day to you and I should have been more supportive.’’

‘’Did you talk to her?’’ Derek asks Paige, smiling knowingly but she just shrugs her shoulders and takes a sip of her lemonade, trying to hide her own smile. ‘’It’s okay…’’ He tells Cora. ‘’You are my family and you are allowed to express your opinion. But for this… it is important for me that you’ve got my back. Cause it’s happening. There’s no going back.’’

Cora nods and takes him by the hand, leading him to the couch to sit between her and Paige.

‘’So? How did it go?’’ Paige asked.

‘’Good, I guess… I hope. Deaton called me and said that we’ll know for sure in about two weeks. So now we just have to wait. Where’s mom and Laura?’’  Derek asks, looking around.

‘’They drove to town together to pick up groceries. They thought we should cook something special to celebrate.’’ Cora explained.

‘’Laura will cook for me? That sounds like a whole new level of guilt. I could work with that.’’ He says with a mischievous grin. ‘’What are we doing till then?’’

‘’But watching reruns of La Usurpadora of course.’’ Cora says in complete delight while Derek falls back to the couch, groaning. ‘’It is a classic!’’ She points out, ignoring him.

Paige chuckles and gives him a kiss on the cheek. ‘’Look at you, pretending that you didn’t have a huge crash on Gabriela Spanic when you were little.’’

‘’I should have never told you that!’’

‘’That’s true.’’ She admits playfully. ‘’ Now shut up. Estefania is about to slap Paulina.’’ She says and snuggles up next to him. Cora turns on the TV and does the same. 

Derek sighs with fond exasperation. Somewhere in the city, his child has begun its long journey towards their world.  He truly hopes it is prepared for the kind of family that it is getting into.

* * *

 

Stiles’ entire body buzzes with anxiousness and anticipation. He thinks there might actually be butterflies in his stomach. He pokes gently on his belly as if to tell them to calm the fuck down. Yes, being the photographer at the anniversary celebration of one of the most important magazines in the country is a big deal. But he is good at what he does and he has  _ some  _ experience. There is no reason to be freaking out like this. 

‘’So how do I look?’’  He asks as he steps out of the bathroom. 

‘’Sexy.’’ Scott says at the same time as Lydia says ‘’Passable.’’ They are both sitting on his bed, playing cards and ‘’helping’’ Stiles get ready for tomorrow night.

He turns to check himself out on the full length mirror by the window.  He is wearing red, tailored fit chino pants, a tight, grey t-shirt and a jacket about a tone darker. 

‘’Are you sure Parrish won’t mind me borrowing his jacket?’’ He asks Lydia who rolls her eyes.

‘’ _ Please _ . Jordan won’t even notice it is missing. He wore it once at his birthday when I bought it for him and that was it. I am glad it is not left sitting in the closet gathering dust.’’

‘’Cool!’’  Stiles says excitedly. He’s got nothing this nice in his closet and he really didn’t want to spend money on clothes. He was afraid that this is going to be a black tie event but thankfully Erica explained that the celebration wouldn’t be overly formal; just a party that the magazine employees and their families could enjoy.

‘’I don’t understand why they don’t have their own photographers take the pictures of the party.’’ Scott points out curiously. ‘’They  _ are _ a magazine after all.’’ 

‘’Yeah, dude. Everyone else is going to be partying while some poor bastard pulls extra hours. Magnificent idea.’’  Stiles goes to sit by his friend and smacks him playfully on the back of his head. 

‘’Hmm…yeah. That’d suck.’’ His friend agrees and ‘’kindly’’ returns the gesture. Stiles blows him a kiss and jumps up from the bed to return in front of the mirror. 

‘’You’re sure I don’t look awkward or anything, yeah?’’ He turns around and almost gives himself a neck cramp trying to check himself at the back.

‘’I think you’re making a bigger deal about this than it is.’’ Lydia tries to calm him down. ‘’ It’s not like everyone’s attention will be on you at that party. You’re the photographer. You just have to look decent and do your job.’’

‘’Maybe,  _ maybe _ , he wants somebody special to notice him.’’ Scott says teasingly and Lydia chuckles.

Stiles gives them a little smile but doesn’t answer. He  _ does _ think it though. He thinks that yeah….

Maybe.

* * *

 

Derek wakes up the next morning almost as soon as the sun is up. Paige is sleeping soundly on his chest with her mouth wide open. There might be some light snoring involved. It is endearingly ridiculous. He tries to manoeuvre himself out of bed as masterfully as possible so as not to disrupt her sleep but he fails instantly. She opens her eyes and looks around a bit disoriented.

‘’Wha… Where are we? What’s happening?’’

‘’Nothing’s happening, calm down.’’ He says, stroking his hand down her hair soothingly. ‘’It’s still very early. Go back to sleep.’’

‘’Wow…it’s really, _ really _ early.’’ She says after checking her phone. ‘’Derek, it’s freaking Saturday.’’

‘’I know. Sorry. I thought I heard noise coming from the garden. Probably people setting up for the party.’’

‘’Doubtful...some nocturnal animal maybe. Honey, I think you’re a little on edge.’’ She plants a little kiss on his t-shirt clad chest and links their fingers together.

‘’You mean… Because of the baby.’’

‘’Well, yeah. And I think it is completely unnecessary. You know that your family and I will be with you every step of the way. Like always.’’

‘’Of course, I know that. I do. It’s just… A ton of things are going through my mind and all at the same time. Was the procedure successful? If it was, what will my role be during the pregnancy period? What if the mother doesn’t want me with her during birth? Which room should I turn into a nursery? And what…’’ 

‘’Hey, hey. Slow down there, honey. I think we should focus on the first issue here. Just wait and see if the girl got pregnant and we’ll take it from there. Two weeks is not a long time. And there’s nothing you can or need to do till then. Okay?’’

‘’I just wish there was something I  _ could _ do. That would make it easier.’’

Suddenly she pushes the linen sheets away, climbs over him and gets off the bed. 

‘’Where are you going?’’

‘’Get up. We’re going for a run.’’ She says as she pulls her nightshirt over her head and walks to the closet. ‘’We’ll run until we are way too tired to form complicated thoughts.’’

‘’Think it’ll work?’’ He asks as he slowly gets off the bed. 

‘’Yep. We’ll get so fucking exhausted, we’ll just be left lying down, staring at the ceiling, willing our bodies to recover. Genius.’’

‘’Well, we better recover before eight or I will be making the stupid party speech on a wheelchair.’’ His mother has yet to learn to respect that her son suffers from stage fright.

‘’If you’re not up and running by seven thirty, I will be the one pushing that wheelchair up on that stage. We’ll be radiant. I swear.’’  

Derek smiles at Paige and walks up to her to wrap her in his arms. She stands on the tip of her toes and kisses him softly on the forehead. He feels calmer already.

* * *

 

Stiles hasn’t checked the time but he knows it is past seven thirty. There goes his plan of getting an hour earlier at the Hale mansion to get everything ready. He really thought he had this. He had gotten in the shower super early, his clothes already lying on his bed waiting, but right in the middle of his ‘’Hey mama’’ solo, he remembered that he had not replied to any of the comments at his last YouTube Photoshop tutorial so he got on that.  And then for some reason he was distracted by an article on fireflies and before he knew it he was struggling to get in his shoes and leave the house as soon as possible. At least the motorcycle was having a good day and his ride to the Preserve went pretty smoothly. There is a parking spot right next to the tree line but Erica told him he can leave his vehicle at the house garage so that he doesn’t have to carry his equipment all the way up there. It is barely a half mile distance but Stiles appreciates the gesture anyway. Thankfully the path is covered with asphalt for the most part and it is well lighted.

He is ready to sigh in relief when the wide open iron gates come into sight but then he hears some strange sounding grunting and out of nowhere an honest to god deer, with antlers and everything, leaps before him causing Stiles to pull in the brakes. The deer makes a quick escape but Stiles can’t hold his balance so he finds himself on the ground with his foot under the motorcycle.

‘’Oh my God, are you okay?’’ Stiles turns his head to see a girl getting off her bicycle to come help him. She’s wearing a white sundress and white sneakers but she doesn’t hesitate to grab the muddy wheel trapping him and drag it away from him. One could not tell that she is so strong from the build of her body; the muscles of her arms are kind of toned but nothing extravagant. It is possible though that her other form is very strong; a bear maybe… or an ox. 

‘’Can you walk?’’ She asks, obviously concerned. 

‘’Uhm… I think so.’’ Stiles replies. He gets up with a little help and tests if he can stand on his foot. It is not so bad. ‘’It just feels a little numb but it’s fine. I just hope the equipment was not harmed.’’  

The girl picks up the bag which was still tied safely at the sidecar and offers it to him. He takes it, making sure he has a firm hold of the straps. 

‘’You’re the photographer, right?’’  She asks, pointing at the bag.

‘’Yes. Stiles Stilinski. Nice to meet you.’’ He offers his hand for a handshake and she takes it enthusiastically.

‘’Me too. I am Paige. Paige Krasikeva. I will tell someone from the staff to take care of your bike so don’t worry. Just head right in. Get settled.’’

‘’Oh…’’ Stiles thought at first that Paige is one of the guests but now he thinks she’s probably family. Or a family friend? ‘’ Well… my jacket got a bit dirty. Could I leave it somewhere? I should look at least a little bit presentable.’’ He adds, laughing awkwardly.

‘’Oh yeah. Of course. Give it to me and I will see if the housekeeper can work something out.’’ She helps him take his jacket off and inspects the damage. ‘’ It doesn’t seem that bad. In the meantime you could borrow something from my boyfriend’s closet.’’

‘’Please, it is not necessary.’’ Stiles starts to protest. ‘’ Plus I am already a bit late.’’

‘’Well, I don’t think anyone will be arriving right on time. It’s a party. It will only take five minutes. Come on.’’ She bends to take the keys from the engine and then gestures for him to follow her.

As they pass through the garden Stiles can see that everything is set up for the party. There are colorful lanterns hanging from the shorter trees and speakers placed in multiple strategic places. There is a small bar where there are already trays with tall glasses filled with all sorts of cocktails and all the tables have plates with snacks and expensive bottles of wine. There is even a kids table with dozens of juice boxes and present bags. The stage floor is not lighted yet but for the sake of the photos Stiles hopes the lighting will be discreet and not blinding.

There is commotion inside the house since there are tons of people coming in and out but when he and Paige get to the upper floor everything gets quiet again. When they get to the middle of the corridor, she gives him an encouraging smile and knocks on the half open door on the right side. 

‘’Come in.’’ He hears a strangely familiar voice say. Stiles follows Paige into the room and is instantly stunned into silence. He should have guessed it really. Unless there is a weird, young uncle in the family, there was only one person living at the Hale mansion that could be Paige’s boyfriend. Derek Hale. 

The man is standing in front of his dresser with his white shirt still unbuttoned and a silver tie hanging from his neck. Stiles lowers his eyes and forces himself to look somewhere else. There is an uncomfortable, constricting sensation nesting inside his chest and suddenly he feels like an idiot for spending so much time worrying how he’d look at the party or anything like that. He can actually feel the butterflies dying one by one.

‘’Stiles, are you okay?’’ Derek asks worriedly causing Paige’s eyebrows to shoot up in surprise.

‘’Oh you already know each other? Cool!’’ She exclaims cheerfully. ‘’Honey, can you lend Stiles a jacket of yours? His got a little bit trashed. I will see if Agnetta can do something about it, okay?’’ She gives Stiles a ‘’good luck’’ type of thumbs up and walks out of the room. He stares pitifully at the closed door for a while before turning to face Derek who is now standing dangerously close to him.

‘’You are hurt.’’ The man states with an unreadable look in his eyes. He makes an aborted move with his hand as if he was about to touch Stiles’ cheek but then regretted it. Stiles touches gently the skin there and can feel a couple of scratches.

‘’I will heal soon. It just takes a bit longer for me.’’ He explains. It is the reason why people are usually so protective of Omegas; they are not as resilient as Alphas and Betas. Stiles counts it as a plus. If you never experience pain, you never learn how to withstand it.

‘’We should still clean it up a bit.’’ Derek suggests. Without waiting for Stiles’ reply, he grasps him from the wrist and leads him to the bathroom across the hall. Stiles wants to make a cutting comment about Derek and his savage ways but he is scared his voice isn’t going to come out as steady as he wishes it would. So he just stands against the sink, watching Derek scavenging the cabinets for a packet of cotton balls and some ethanol.

‘’I can do it myself.’’ He says quickly when Derek reaches out to clean his wound.

‘’Oh… sure. Yeah. I…I am sorry. Here you go.’’  He offers him the drenched in blue liquid cotton. Stiles picks it out of his hand and turns to check his scratches in the mirror. His eyes widen in mortification when he sees he also has a giant smudge across his face. He starts rubbing his skin as hard as he can, hoping it will go away. Derek is standing right behind him, staring at their reflections and, as Stiles suspects, trying to suppress down a smile.

‘’What? What is so funny, dude?’’ He asks. A bit more forcefully than he intended but there is only so much humiliation he can take in one evening.

‘’Uhm, nothing.’’ Derek replies, rubbing the back of his head. ‘’ It’s just... you usually give off a certain vibe of confidence and...uh... I don’t know... gracefulness? So yeah, I know I have only seen you a couple of times but I wouldn’t have pegged you for the clumsy guy that gets into ridiculous accidents.’’

‘’Oh, but I am  _ exactly _ that kind of guy.’’ Stiles admits and finds himself smiling. ‘’This time it was totally not my fault though. Stupid deer. ‘’ He mumbles and throws the used cotton in the trashcan under the sink. He still feels a sort of numb pain at his side so he raises his shirt to find a fading bruise a bit under his ribcage. His soul almost leaves his body when he feels Derek’s warm hand pressing lightly against the bruise to draw the pain. He stares down the sink unable to meet Derek’s eyes in the mirror.

‘’You don’t have to do this.’’ He says and yet he wishes he could let go and relax against the other man’s chest.

‘’I can’t help it. It is instinctual, you know that.’’  Derek explains and Stiles can feel that he is also trying to keep the respectful distance between them.

‘’I thought... I thought that your wolf was in a slumber or something.’’

‘’Yeah. That’s what I thought too.’’  He replies and his voice is carrying a strange emotion. Stiles looks up from the sink to find Derek’s eyes shining gold. He looks devastatingly vulnerable.

‘’Derek, I...’’

‘’ We should go find you a jacket.’’ Derek states then in a decisive tone, derailing Stiles’ train of thought. His hand slips away from the no longer bruised skin, leaving it hot and tingling.

* * *

Derek feels a little bit like Alice on her rocky way to Wonderland; like he’s rapidly descending into a world where absolutely nothing makes sense.  He doesn’t speak to Stiles for the rest of the night and yet he is constantly aware of the boy’s presence. That doesn’t make him feel guilty or confused or even a little bit unsettled. It makes him feel pleasantly warm inside. All his senses are urging him to chase after this feeling but his logic keeps him in control. He keeps his distance throughout the party even though his gaze always travels around the garden in the hope to meet Stiles’.

He watches the boy move through the crowd while checking the captured shots, he sees him laughing along with his sisters while he’s letting them do all sorts of weird poses and he tries not to look when he bows like a gentleman in front of a little girl and accepts her invitation for a dance.

It is a lot later, when the party is almost over, and Derek is dancing slowly with Paige in his arms that he finally locks eyes with Stiles. He is standing on the porch trying to take a good picture of the dancing couples but for some reason he seems paralyzed. It makes Derek feel like a giant asshole. Whatever pull he feels towards Stiles, he is certain the boy is aware of it too. Hell, he’s getting a bit paranoid that no one around him could possibly miss it. It is building up and it’s getting stronger and there is no fucking way that it doesn’t go both ways. He just knows it.  So every moment he lets himself indulge in whatever this is, he is actively messing with Stiles’ feelings.

He lets his eyes linger for only a little bit more and then he thinks ‘’this is it, now we move on’’ and turns his gaze away. The summer won’t last forever and as suddenly as Stiles appeared in Derek’s life, one of these days he’ll no longer be there.

* * *

 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Hi there! Next two chapters will be up on Saturday! Up next: Stiles finds out and makes a decision! And maybe that decision leads him to cross paths with Derek again!
> 
> -Up till now i have completed nine of the twelve chapters that i have outlined for this work. So i can promise there'll be steady posting at least until the final chapters come up. After that only God knows...
> 
> -Also this is pretty standard slow build so the rating will change only when we hit chapter nine.


	4. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It turns out i won't be in town tomorrow so i'm posting today! A bit awkward and filler-like chapter but it needs to get out of the way for the action to pick up.

During  lunchtime Derek usually goes to a little soup and salad restaurant that’s in a walking distance  from the magazine headquarters. He always takes the same route back through a busy commercial street. Every other day he would have described the route as monotonous, boring. Today everything seems changed to Derek; happy, colorful. He stops in front of a toy shop and stares dreamily at the old fashioned dollhouses, the broomstick riding witches hanging from the strings, the imaginative night lights. In his head he starts constructing the perfect child bedroom.

For a moment he thinks he’s going to step into the store and buy everything but then logic cuts in and he manages to restrain himself.

_ There’s plenty of time, _ he reasons. Afterall, it was only a week ago that Deaton informed him he was going to be a father.

* * *

‘’Stiles! For God’s sake, will you stop with the foot tapping?’’ His father begs from where he sits across from him in Alan Deaton’s office at the clinic.

Stiles wills himself to stop and then immediately starts biting his nails nervously. His father sighs in exasperation.

‘’Don’t stress yourself out, son. We still don’t know what this is about.’’

‘’Seriously, dad?’’ Stiles asks in disbelief. ‘’ They called me in _urgently_ to repeat my bloodwork and now the clinic’s director himself wants to pass the results to me and  my father. Does this sound like good news?’’

‘’It sounds like something we should be calm about.’’ He replies and reaches out to set a comforting hand on Stiles’ shoulder. ‘’ Whatever this is, we’re in it together, okay? ’’

Stiles is unable to find the words to respond to this so he just nods, his eyes burning from the tears of fear he tries to hold in. He reminds himself that this must be hard on his father too; after all they are each other’s only family. And yet the Sheriff tries to face the situtation in a composed manner and Stiles knows that it is for his sake.

The door opens and a dark skinned man in a suit enters hastily to meet them with a smile. Stiles has difficulty describing the why but he can tell that it is not a good smile. It looks like the smile of a man who is bracing himself for something. Stiles is close to the point of hypeventilating; his grip sits fast around the plastic chair handles in a poor try to anchor himself.

‘’Nice to meet you, Mr. Stilinski. Stiles.’’ The man says, shaking both their hands. ‘’I am Alan Deaton, owner and director of the clinic. Thank you for coming in as soon as you could.’’

‘’Good to meet you too, Dr. Deaton .’’ His father replies. ‘’Would you be so kind to tell us the reason that brings us here? We suppose that it has to do with something that concerns my son’s health.’’

‘’Yes, indeed.’’ He admits. He takes a minute to turn and look at Stiles, like he’s measuring him up or something, and then he moves to sit at the leather chair behind the desk. ‘’I won’t keep you waiting since the matter is quite serious and I… I need to you to know beforehand that I am truly, honestly sorry.’’

Stiles watches the color vanish from his father’s face. He himself feels paralyzed. He hears Alan Deaton call his name but his voice sounds weird to his ears as if he’s suddenly been submerged into water.

‘’Stiles, I know this will be hard for you to accept, but I need you to understand that you have a lot of options here.We will discuss them extensively and then you will be able to make an informed decision. Okay?’’

Stiles nods, swallowing hard.

‘’Stiles, you’re pregnant.’’

Deaton says it in a very grave and serious manner but Stiles can’t help but break into hysterical laughter.

‘’No, I can assure you, I’m not.’’

‘’You are. Your hCG levels confirm that you are.’’

‘’But- i can’t be. Like…it’s technically impossible. I am not- you know… sexually active.’’

‘’We are aware of that, it’s on your medical history.’’

'’Then how? How can i be pregnant if I’ve never had sex? Are you suggesting that I’m lying?’’

‘’No.’’ Deaton says immediately. ‘’We are sure that you are truthful. The fact remains though that you  _ are  _ pregnant and it is our fault.’’

‘’What do you mean, Dr. Deaton?’’ His father asks. His expression has abruptly turned from frightened to stormy. ‘’What have you done to my child?’’

Deaton doesn't answer directly. It looks as if he’s debating which is the best way to phrase the facts.

‘’A few weeks ago Stiles came at the clinic for a routine examination. When it was time for his clinical check up, he ended up at the wrong examination room ;one that was intended for a patient that would be artificially inseminated. It was- a long series of accidents and misunderstandings and… i don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.’’

Both Stiles and his father are stunned into silence. This whole situation sounds so implausible that Stiles can’t actually believe that he’s living it.

‘’Stiles,’’ Deaton continues ‘’ you’re just at 3 weeks so the options here are wide open. You have enough time to decide if you want to go further with this pregnancy or- not. Whatever you choose the care you will receive from this clinic will be, of course, free of charge.’’

‘’Of course…’’ Stiles says quietly. He feels numb. He’s trying to trick his mind into thinking that this is not real so that he can stay as calm as humanly possible but it will be hard to keep this up for long. It looks like he has to make a decision. Soon.

His father looks like he’s trying to hold back from blowing up with rage.

‘’What… what kind of clinic would ever mess up like that.’’ He says through his teeth, his face distorted with anger‘’ How could anyone be so negligent? You are actively endangering my son’s health and practically forcing him to make a decision that will affect his future forever. And you think that you’ll just get away with it? That you’ll just pay for everything and be done with it?’’

‘’No,’’ Deaton tries to assure him ‘’ we understand that there should be consequences. We are ready to accept them. I just think that right now the priority should be Stiles and him being informed enough to make a decision. He needs time…’’

‘’I don’t.’’ Stiles says suddenly, his mind finally waking up. ‘’I don’t need time. What do I need time for? I can’t have a child. I  _ am _ a child.’’

‘’Stiles, are you sure?’’ Deaton asks. ‘’The father of…’’

‘’My son has spoken.’’ His dad interrupts with a firm, clear voice. ‘’ He made a decision and you  _ will _ respect it.’’

‘’Of course. I will schedule the procedure for as soon as possible.’’

‘’And _I_ will contact my lawyer as soon as possible.’’ His father informs the doctor. Deaton is about to answer back, with something placating no doubt, but then the wireless phone lying on top of the desk starts vibrating. The doctor apologizes and picks it up.

‘’Yes… Yes, I know the patient… What happened?... Is it a massive hemorrhage?... I understand. You did everything you could… Yes, I - I will contact him… Thank you, bye.’’

Deaton looks utterly upset after the phone call ends. Stiles can’t find it in him to feel sorry for him.

* * *

When Derek finally goes back to the magazine, he finds Erica and Danny Mahealani from graphic design hanging together at her desk.

‘’Danny, hey.’’ 

‘’Oh, hello, Mr. Hale. How are you?’’ Danny asks cheerfully and stands up to take the hand that Derek's offering.

‘’Good. And you? We are not used to seeing you on our floor.’’

‘’Danny is here on a special mission.’’  Erica says with a sly smile.

Derek raises his eyebrows questioningly. ‘’ Something we can help you with, Danny?’’

‘’Uh… maybe Erica can.’’

‘’Danny came to ask me to give him Stiles’ number. My friend who took the party photos.’’ She explains as if Derek could ever forget.

‘’Yes, I remember who Stiles is.’’ He says in an unexpectedly harsh manner.  His whole body language changes and he suddenly seems stiff and closed off.‘’Mr. Mahealani, I’d suggest that for personal matters you seek Miss Reyes after work hours.’’

Both Erica and Danny seem surprised by Derek’s sudden change of disposition.  Derek  _ would _ feel guilty  since he’s not usually so stern towards his employees but the irritation clawing at his chest stops him from thinking rationally.

‘’Of course, Mr. Hale.’’ Danny replies, quickly picking up his stuff from the desk. ‘’I just thought it’d be nice if Stiles had some input to the editing of the anniversary party photos we’ll use for the cover article.’’

‘’I will pass on the message, Danny, and I will give Stiles your number so that he can contact you.’’ Erica says helpfully. Danny gives her a small, grateful smile and leaves.

‘’Are you okay?’’ Erica asks Derek then carefully.

‘’I am fine. Why?’’ Derek replies, trying to fake nonchalance.

‘’O- _ kay _ .’’ She doesn’t sound completely convinced but knows better than to engage him into a time wasting conversation that will probably get them nowhere. She passes him a couple of files and the the list of the people who called him while he was at lunch.

‘’Deaton called?’’ He asks, seeing the name on the list.

‘’Oh yeah. He tried to reach you on your phone but you didn’t answer. He said you should call him as soon as you can.’’

Derek nods in understanding and rushes to his office to call Deaton.His heart beats fast in his chest nervously. Before he hits the call button he tries to calm down by taking three deep breaths.

_ Please, don’t be bad news. Please, don’t be bad news.Please, don’t be bad news. _

* * *

 


	5. Four is...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagine this chapter will be hard for some people to read since a character is contemplating the matter of abortion/ is getting ready to go through with the procedure. I hope that it becomes clear through the writing, independently of what is the character's decision in the end and why, that this story's stance on the matter stands firmly on the pro-choice side.

The night before the procedure is scheduled to happen Stiles has trouble sleeping. His mind is on fire; unresting. He keeps having one nightmare after the other; horrifying visions of him being teared apart from a creature residing in him, fighting to come out. At some point the nightmares change and he’s back in the quiet and darkness of his room, standing by his locked window. Suddenly he hears the sound of steps closing in behind him. He turns and gasps as he sees the dark figure of a strange man centimeters away from him. A few seconds pass with them just standing next to each other until the man leans forward and breathes a cloud of golden dust into him. That takes Stiles by surprise. Shaking and feeling completely overwhelmed he starts tearing up and the man disappears. 

He wakes up forcefully and fights to calm his breathing. The windows in his room are wide open and he can see the sun huge and bright on the sky as if it’s late noon.  As his heart slows down and he can again focus on his surroundings, a soft shuffling sound coming from under his bed gets his attention. He drags himself to the edge and then… His eyes narrow in bewilderment. He thinks it can’t be possible that he actually sees what he sees.  A tiny fox cub is hesitantly crawling out from where it has found hiding place and goes to lie down at the warm, sunny spot of the floorboards by the window. It starts stretching and rolling around, enjoying the light and the weak breeze.

‘’How did you end up here, little guy?’’ Stiles says. He gets up from the bed and crouches in front of the brown furred baby. It looks up to him with big, wondering eyes making him smile. He reaches out and takes the little furball into his arms. Strangely he’s not tormented by feelings of terror and anxiety anymore; he feels content. Happy.

‘’This is not real, right?’’ Stiles comments as he strokes the cub’s head and counts six fingers on his hand instead of five. He’s still sleeping. ‘’Pitty. I really liked you, soft friend.’’ He adds in disappointment and yet pushes himself to find real consciousness. He wishes to be awake now that he can hold onto this sense of tranquility and peace.

When he opens his eyes the time on the old, digital clock on his desk says that it’s still one and thirty. Still a long time before dawn.

* * *

The Sheriff  finds Stiles sitting in the kitchen early in the morning. His guess is that he’s been sitting there for a few hours, he looks exhausted and sort of... resigned. He wants to help. He wishes he could pull his kid out of this mess; make everything right. It’s hard when the only thing one can do is  _ be there. _

‘’I can fix you some breakfast.’’ He offers. Stiles looks at him as if he’s processing what he said; like he has just noticed there was someone else in the room with him.

‘’No,’’ He replies after a moment ‘’I am not supposed to eat anything before…’’

‘’Right, right…’’ The Sheriff takes a sit next to his son. Long moments of silence pass between them until it gets too heavy, too uncomfortable. ‘’Are you scared?’’ He asks finally.

‘’Terrified.’’ Stiles’ voice is almost trembling.

‘’You know I wouldn’t let  you go through with this if I was not one hundred percent certain that this is completely safe. It’ll just take minutes and then… you’ll just go on with your life. As before.’’

Stiles mouth turns up slightly into a crooked, sad smile. ‘’Nothing will be as before. I for sure won’t be.’’

‘’If you think you’ll regret this, you don’t need to go through with it.’’ He doesn’t know what else to say. There are no advices he can give; just support to whatever his child chooses. ‘’There is no reason in the world that I would not welcome a child of yours into our life; that I would not love it and take care of it exactly as I have done with you through all these years.’’

‘’Would it really be my child? It doesn’t feel like it would.’’

‘’If you chose to bring it into the world and make it a part of our family, whose else would it be? Even if you didn’t share one bit of DNA it would still be all yours.’’

His son bites his lip in contemplation.  ‘’I have to do this.’’ He says, although he doesn’t sound as determined as before. ‘’It’s the only thing that makes sense.’’

The Sheriff doesn’t push the conversation more. He wanted to comfort Stiles; give him courage. Not make him scared and hesitant now that he needs to be at his bravest. After all in this case there is no wrong decision and there is no right decision either. There’s only what’s right for his son.

* * *

Stiles tries to keep his hands steady as he slowly undresses and passes his clothes to the nurse that offered him the thin, paper hospital gown to wear. The room is almost identical to the one he was the last time he’d been at the clinic, just a bit bigger and with more equipment hosting cabinets. Both Deaton and the doctor who will perform the procedure stay quiet until he shows that he’s ready to interact with them.

‘’So Stiles,’’ Deaton says, ‘’do you have any more questions before we begin?’’

‘’Uhm…are you- are you sure we can’t try medical abortion?’’ He asks as he goes to sit down on the exam table. He takes a couple of deep breaths and then lies down.

‘’No, sorry.’’ He replies. ‘’Even though it’s still very early in your pregnancy and misoprostol would work very well in most cases, it’s not the same for Omegas. The success rates are not as overwhelming and we would hate to put you in that process and then not get results.’’

‘’You don’t need to worry.’’ The other doctor hurries to explain. Her accent has a strange melody; greek or spanish maybe, he can’t tell. ‘’ Aspiration abortion is extremely safe and highly effective. It will take most half an hour and then you’ll get the rest of the day to rest here in a controlled environment in the small chance that there should be complications.’’

‘’Okay.’’ Stiles nods in understanding. ‘’So… what do we do next?’’

The doctor smiles kindly and sits on the stool next to the table.‘’We will do an ultrasound first. You don’t have to look but it’s important so that we can confirm how far along you are. You understand?’’

‘’Will I- Will I hear the heartbeat?’’

‘’No. The embryo of four weeks does not have a beating heart yet. You don’t need to worry about that.’’ She explains as she raises his gown to pour some gel on his stomach. She asks him if he’s ready and when he says yes, she presses the probe on his lower abdomen.

‘’Do you want me to tell you what I see?’’

‘’No!’’ Stiles replies emphatically. It’s the first time in his life that he’s not curious to know more about something that otherwise would be extremely interesting to him. It’s better this way. He looks at the screen and he sees nothing but black and white. And maybe a dot? He’s not sure.

He shuts his eyes closed and tries to focus on something else; an idea, some upcoming project… something complicated to keep him distracted. The doctor has started speaking of anesthesia but he’s still trying to keep himself separated from the process. His body is here but he needs to be anywhere but. He battles to sink his mind into darkness but suddenly through the absolute nothingness a pair of eyes open up to stare back at him. Light brown eyes with speckles of green. He thinks they are the eyes of the little dream fox.

This time instead of asking  _ how did you end up here,  _ the voice in his head wonders  _ are you mine?  are you here for me? _

No one answers of course. But no one needs to. Stiles has always prided himself into being a man of logic. Suspiciousness and thirst for facts and details are his default mode. But deep inside he knows that he has also a  strong rooted belief in fate; that everything good and everything bad happen for a reason. They are meant to lead you where you’re supposed to end up. Of course not everything is a matter of fate or better… not everything  _ feels  _ like fate. But this strangely does.

When he opens his eyes again the colors of the room he takes in seem distorted; murky. His mind that’s usually a noisy, crowded place is suddenly bare of thoughts and variables. He runs just on instinct now and everything inside him screams about danger and need to protect. The woman at the end of the table is picking up a syringe from a tray full of shiny tools, thanking the tall nurse on her side. Stiles kicks away the stirrups his legs were resting on and lets out a growl. Everyone turns to look at him in surprise.

“Stiles, what’s wrong?” The woman- the doctor, Stiles reminds his now fuzzy brain- asks concerned.

He tries to say something, to get words out of his mouth, but instead he growls again; slow, deep, threateningly. Deaton leans over him and says something about the shape of Stiles’ pupils. It’s different, he says. The man reaches to touch his shoulder but Stiles runs his nails across his face and pushes him away. The man crashes on the equipment. Stiles looks at his nails. They’re also different; long and sharp. Bloody.

He goes to sit up but the nurse is there in a second, trying to get him to lie down. The nurse’s before kind, baby face is now covered in black fur and thick, white tusks are coming out of his mouth. He’s strong, incredibly strong, but Stiles is topping with adrenaline. He throws the nurse against the wall and stands up. He looks at the doctor warningly as if not to dare try anything. She raises her arms placatingly and informs him that she has called security. He needs to get out of there. He rips the intravenous catheter out of his arm and goes for the big windows. He can see that they’re not impossibly high, they’re just on the first floor and there are a couple of cars right below on the parking lot. Right at this moment he doesn’t have the luxury of thinking it through. He’s not even in the right state of mind to think it through. He pulls the windows open forcefully, breaking the lock in the process. He jumps.

While he’s still in the air he can feel himself transforming. When he lands on the roof of the car it’s on four legs instead of two. His limbs are burning from the force of the landing and his ears are suffering from the piercing sound of the alarm that goes off. He hops quickly off the roof and runs as fast as the pain allows him. People are getting out of his way, some screaming, and he momentarily wonders how he must look like. Out of control, he supposes.

His goal destination are the big trees across the wide road in front of the clinic. He’s aware that there are people running after him so he ignores the oncoming traffic and just passes through. A few cars stop at the last second inches away from him; it’s a miracle that no one runs him over. He pushes through the thorny bushes and into the trees, heading for the main trail.

Into the quiet of the woods, Stiles feels safer. But he has to keep running. The effect of the adrenaline is wearing steadily off, making the pain almost unbearable. He must have hurt his right, back leg pretty badly so he fights to drag it along as he puts all the effort on his other legs.

A couple hundred meters after, he thinks he can’t take it anymore. The world is turning around him and he’s sure that if he keeps this up he’ll simply pass out from the overwhelming pain. He falls down on the ground and lets out a small sound of distress. He doesn’t have the energy to hold his transformation any longer. He starts changing back steadily until he’s lying naked on the cold mud, unable to get up.

He thinks it’s hours later but it could have only been five minutes when he feels what is probably a cold snout poking him on the shoulder. He has no energy to respond in any way. His voice betrays him even when he tries to yelp in surprise as a pair of warm hands are grabbing him from the shoulders and turn him around. He wants to open his eyes and look but he has no control over his body.  He should be terrified. He has no way of defending himself- or even detecting any source of danger. But he feels surprisingly secure and relieved; as if he’s reached his destination. As if  _ this _ is in reality where he was always heading to and despite all the hardships he succeeded.

Stiles can feel someone picking him up and holding him tight against bare skin. He feels himself being carried away without knowing where. He doesn’t care. He hears a voice calling for him but he’s slipping away. Before he sinks into full unconsciousness, he wishes with all he’s left inside him that the voice will still be there if he wakes up.

* * *

 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am posting again next Friday! Up next Stiles spends a day with his savior. Who could it possibly be? :) :) :) (obv everyone knows who)


	6. Destiny?

The last time Derek transformed was on the day he got his diagnosis, only a few days before his treatment plan was put into place. He remembers himself walking through the hospital corridors, feeling completely detached from his surroundings and trying to hold himself from breaking down.  _ Not here. Not now,  _ he was thinking.

The moment that he got outside and felt a breeze of fresh air hit his face ,Derek became overwhelmed with the need to be back to Beacon Hills; he just wanted to go home. He drove straight from Sacramento ,where he lived back then ,to the city where all his childhood memories lied- to where he felt loved. Unsurprisingly he found himself among the familiar woods where his pack always spent the full moons and then he let himself go. He cried, he screamed at the top of his lungs and then he lost himself into his wolf and ran; ran as hard as he could. Soon enough his pack was running beside him.

Now that the difficult part of his treatment was over, Derek could feel that any day now his wolf would wake up and he would once again be able to inhabit again his second skin. He never expected it to happen like this though; at the sight of a strange fox, scared and wounded, trying to find refuge at the Hale family land. He almost bloodied his lips in surprise when he felt his fangs come down. The pain and discomfort of changing into his wolf had never felt more welcomed. 

In the beginning he thought to go after the fox but he didn’t want to make it feel unsafe. Instead he ran toward its invisible enemies to try and eliminate the threat. He found no one though. He could not understand who the fox was running from.  He went back as fast as he could, focusing on tracking the frightened creature down, but when he got where his senses were leading him, there was no fox anymore; in its place lied Stiles. Naked, wounded and unconscious. Derek’s wolf tried to wake him up but Stiles barely stirred. With a pang of regret he let himself change back; he was a little afraid that maybe the wolf would go to sleep again, this time never to return. It was not time for second thinking though. It was time to carry Stiles home.

* * *

 

It is odd but sometimes there is a unique kind of comfort in the darkness; the sense of nothingness. When reality is too cruel, too hard to face, then even a few hours of not being present for it can act like remedy. Stiles almost doesn’t want to wake up. He wants to keep not existing for just a little while longer.He opens his eyes grudgingly only because he can somehow feel that he must be in a place strange to him. Certainly not in his childhood bedroom. The bed feels unfamiliar, the light falls to his face from the wrong angle and everything smells different but at least not like a hospital. The first thing he notices is that his right foot is bandaged and resting on a big, comfy pillow. How did he not realise that he is in pain? It is not just the light burning sensation in his foot; his whole body feels as if at the end of a day of hard, manual labor. Stiles fights against the discomfort and manages to get up. He walks slowly toward the windows and pushes the sheer curtains aside. He understands gradually that he is at the Hale mansion. He sees the same intricate, iron fence, the dozens of plum trees growing across its line and the little, muddy pond close to the garden table.

How did he end up here?

‘’You shouldn’t be up.’’ A voice says behind him suddenly, causing him to turn around abruptly and almost fall on his ass.

It’s Derek. 

He’s standing by the door, holding it half open as if waiting for Stiles’ permission to get in. Stiles has never seen him dressed so casually. Without his suit, just with his long shorts and a t-shirt on, he looks so much younger. 

‘’Why am i here? What happened?’’ Stiles asks. Derek finally enters the room and goes to sit on the edge of the unmade bed. Stiles does the same, trying to keep a respectful distance between them. ‘’So?’ He asks again.

‘’I’m not really sure what happened to you.’’ Derek explains. ‘’I found you in our territory. You were hurt, you had been running from something...someone. I think.’’

Stiles nods in understanding as he tries to piece together what was that happened and led him here. He remembers most of it. It doesn’t feel real but he remembers it nonetheless. 

‘’My dad. Does he know i’m here?’’

‘’Yes, of course. I contacted the station as soon as i brought you here and they let him know. He was right by your side all day yesterday. He would have been here now but i think there was an emergency at the station. Lydia and Scott were here too. They brought your bike.’’ 

‘’I-I don’t know what to say. Thank you… thank you for taking care of me. I was… I  _ am _ in a  really bad place lately. Everything’s messed up and i’m not really sure what would have happened if…’’

‘’Stiles, it’s fine.’’ Derek interrupts him. ‘’You don’t need to explain yourself. I am just glad that i happened to be there and i could help.’’

Stiles can’t help but smile at that. ‘’You know what, i feel fine now, i swear. There is no reason for me to keep taking up your time. You should just go to your job and i’ll… i’ll go. My bike’s here so…’’

Derek side-eyes him as if he’s hearing something ridiculous. ‘’Yeah, no. That’s not going to happen. If you want to go home, i’ll take you home, but i’m not leaving you alone like that.’’

‘’Nothing’s gonna happen to me. My healing is starting to kick in and i’m not in any trouble if that’s what you think.’’

‘’So what do you want for breakfast?’’ Derek asks as if Stiles had never said anything. ‘’We have pretty much everything here.’’ 

‘ ’Derek, please. What are you even still doing here, wasting your day with me?’’ He looks up at the wall clock above the door. ‘’It’s like eleven o’clock. You should be at the magazine, giving stern orders, scaring people…’’

Derek doesn’t respond immediately to that. He suddenly looks uncomfortable, biting his lip as if he’s not sure how to phrase his answer or if he should be giving an honest answer at all.

‘’I- I haven’t really been to the magazine these last few days. I am also… not in the best of places right now. I’m taking some time off.’’ 

For the first time since he entered the room, Stiles really looks at Derek. He seems sad and tired; like he hasn’t really slept normally in quite some time. Like he’s stopped taking care of himself. Stiles fights against the strong urge to wrap his arms around him and shield him from everything bad in this world. It does not make sense. Nothing should feel so big and overwhelming when it comes to a complete stranger . Not to mention that he is not in a state to care for anyone right now.

‘’Do you- do you wanna, maybe, go somewhere? Together?’’ Stiles asks, surprising even himself. 

Derek looks at him questioningly. ‘’Like where?’’

‘’Anywhere. Outside. It’s obvious that we’re both a little down right now. Maybe it’ll help to clear our minds a little. Unless you need to be alone.’’ Stiles adds in a rush. 

‘’Well,  uhm…’’ Derek starts to say before he stops to look at Stiles consideringly. ‘’ No, no. I really don’t.’’ 

It makes Stiles smile in relief. He doesn’t want to be alone either.

* * *

 

‘’Are you sure you know what you’re doing?’’ Stiles asks as he’s trying to settle inside the sidecar. He probably looks ridiculous but he can’t help but feel a little bit excited to finally be on the co-driver’s place. 

Derek passes him the helmet and hops on the saddle. ‘’Relax. I’ve been riding my dad’s motorcycle since i was fourteen.’’

‘’Well, _ that _ sounds plain irresponsible.’’ Stiles says jokingly, planting an amused smirk on Derek’s face.

‘’I’ve been grounded ever since.’’ Derek admits. ‘’My mom would have probably made my dad sell it if she didn’t know how much he loved that old thing.’’

Stiles looks around the spacious garage until he spots the probably late 70s, red Kawasaki bike sitting alone amidst the shiny, new vehicles of the Hale family. 

‘’It looks well cared for.’’ He comments because it’s true. It’s obvious that it’s precious to the family. 

‘’Well, of course. My dad would come back to haunt my ass otherwise. His words, not mine.’’ Derek adds as he turns the key in the ignition and slowly sets off. 

‘’So do you have anywhere in particular in mind?’’ He asks when they’ve gotten out of the woods and start heading for the city center. 

‘’Nope’’ Stiles says, taking a deep breath. ‘’Just drive.’’

* * *

 

For the next thirty minutes Derek drives them in silence. Every once in awhile Stiles peeks at him and is pleased  when he sees that the man is enjoying himself. That’s not so easy in his case. His mood gets worse by the minute. It’s almost noon and the food stores and coffee shops are packed with people. People who are at least seemingly carefree and happy and live uncomplicated lives and Stiles truly wishes he could be one of them even for a few seconds; just a few precious seconds where he doesn’t feel like the world is crashing him and where he’s still in control of what is happening to him.

Derek stops when they reach a small park next to the Beacon Hills Sports Stadium. Stiles was never big on sports, besides lacrosse training at high school, so he can’t say that he’s very familiar with the area. It’s not close to any of his usual spots and there is only a couple of apartment blocks. It looks like a neighbourhood that is just starting to pick up. 

‘’Why did you stop?’’ Stiles asks a bit disgruntled without making a move to get out of his seat. It took ages for him to feel comfortable and he doesn’t want to ruin it now. Derek has other plans though. He gets down from the bike and starts walking towards the park. 

‘’There is a food truck with crepes and waffles at the edge of the park.’’ He says. ‘’I used to go there after every training session when i was younger. A few weeks ago i discovered that it’s still at the same spot. Imagine that.’’

‘’You stopped because you want to eat waffles?I thought that we were depressed!’’ Stiles shouts after him as he tries to climb out of the sidecar.

Derek turns to looks at him and shrugs. ‘’ I eat when i’m depressed… or stressed out. Or angry. But also when i get too excited… well, that doesn’t happen a lot.’’ He says and continues to power walk towards the source of food probably.

_ How do you even look like this,  _ Stiles wonders as he runs after him trying to catch up.

* * *

 

They end up sitting at one of the mossy picnic tables close to the park’s playground. Each with a small stack of waffles in front of them. Stiles can’t actually see Derek’s stack as it is covered with every possible topping known to humanity; somewhere in that mix there is bacon and corn flakes and cookie dough flavored peanut butter and everything is drenched with chocolate. And Derek is actually eating that. 

‘’Okay, can i just say something?’’ Stiles asks as he watches Derek slowly munch on the toppings that fell off the stack. ‘’Remember when we were at the party, in your room, and you said something like how you thought i was super graceful but then your perception of me came crumbling down and realized i was the exact opposite?’’

‘’Yeah… kind of.’’ Derek replies hesitantly, waiting for Stiles to get to the point.

‘’A-ha. Well, same here. I thought you were this- uhm- collected, all around badass businessman that had his life figured out but like… you’re actually a bit of a disaster. I think you have no idea what you’re doing or where you’re going. You’re a complete mess, Derek Hale, like the rest of us.’’ 

‘’I would try to argue against that but then my sisters would somehow magically appear to aggressively correct me.’’

Stiles almost chokes on his food, trying not to laugh. ‘’Yeah, i haven’t known them all that long but that does sound like them. Where were they this morning?’’ 

‘’Cora is with my mother in LA, meeting with the chief editors of our other magazines. They’re coming back at the end of the week. They wanted to come earlier but i didn’t let them. Laura’s taken my place at the magazine until- until i’m ready to go back.’’

‘’So… she saw me when you got me at the house? She knows about…about what happened?’’ Stiles asks, his face flaming with embarrassment. 

‘’Yeah, she was at the house when i brought you back. It was the both of us that took care of you. But you don’t need to think about it, Laura is a very discreet person… she’ll probably pretend that nothing happened until you decide to comment on it or something.’’

Stiles nods and goes on to eat the rest of his food. 

‘’So… can i do something to help?’’ Derek asks carefully after a while. 

Stiles considers shutting down the subject but it doesn’t feel right at this moment when he can sense Derek’s honesty about wanting to help him. ‘’You can’t. I wish that you could but there’s nothing anyone can do.’’

‘’I don’t believe that. Don’t do that . Don’t deny yourself the support. Maybe there is not a perfect solution to your problem but working yourself up to a nervous breakdown and isolating yourself is not a solution at all.’’

‘’Well, you’re one to talk.’’ Stiles says, suddenly feeling defensive. 

Derek sighs. ‘’It’s not the same, Stiles. At least i’m guessing… Some stuff are more… well, just more. Do you understand?’’

‘’No. No, i don’t. Tell me. What happened to you, Derek?’’ Stiles almost demands to know. ‘’ This has to be a two way street. You can’t ask me to open myself to you and give me nothing in return.’’

Derek says nothing at first. He stares at Stiles with a kind of melancholy that makes his heart clench. And then he looks away. ‘’ Okay, well… I- I lost someone…’’ 

‘’You mean… they died?’’ 

‘’Yes,  they died.’’ He replies with a choked voice.

‘’Someone you loved?’’ Stiles asks. He feels like an asshole for pressing the subject but he can’t help it. This doesn’t feel like a conversation one can back away from. 

‘’ Yes. I did love them.Before i even knew them, i loved them- if that makes sense. And now they’re gone… forever.’’ He wipes what must be tears from his face and turns to look at Stiles again. ‘’ And  _ that’s _ unfixable. But i’m sure, whatever you’re going through, there must be something that can be done to fix it. So  _ please _ , let me help you fix it.’’ 

‘’ Derek…’’ Stiles manages to stutter. He is too stunned, too overtaken by emotion to find the words to say anything else. For a moment he reaches out his hand to take Derek’s in his but then regrets it. Derek is too vulnerable right now and it is Stiles that made him vulnerable. 

‘’Tell me.’’ Derek repeats.

‘’Uh...there’s no fix.’’ Stiles answers finally. ‘’I mean… i tried to fix it but i couldn’t- i couldn’t go through with it. Derek, I… I’m pregnant… Wow, it sounds so weird when i’m saying it outloud.’’

‘’Pregnant?’’ 

‘’Yes. And I didn’t plan or expect this. And i was sure i didn’t want it either. I thought that what i wanted was to make everything the way it was before… the way it was supposed to be. But… apparently my fox knew better than me. Unsurprisingly. It always knows better.’’ 

‘’So… you’re going to have the baby.’’

‘’Yes, i am. I mean… it still feels so unreal. When i think about myself in one year from now, i still see me alone. But… i won’t be.’’

‘’What about the father?’’ Derek asks.

‘’There’s no father. Well, technically there  _ is _ obviously a father but practically… not in the picture.’’

‘’That must be hard.’’ 

‘’Yeah. It’s a lot. I am thinking that i should probably- i don’t know- take a break from college. I should probably find a job or something. I need to have  _ some _ savings when the baby comes. I can’t just depend on my father for everything. It was my choice to keep this child.’’

‘’That sounds reasonable.’’ Derek says. ‘’It  _ is  _ very sad that you have to make all those sacrifices. Your life is turning upside down. I get that. But if you've decided  that you want to have this child then... It will all be worth it in the end, Stiles, you’ll see.’’ 

Stiles scoffs at Derek’s words. ‘’It’s easy for you to say. You’re in an age where people start to consider having a family. You have economic stability. A partner. I am a teenager with no life plan. I mean… i had plans. But they didn’t involve me being responsible for a whole other life.’’

‘’It’s scary, yeah?’’ 

‘’Terrifying.’’ He admits.

‘’ What you’re doing- it’s very brave. Just know, you won’t be alone.’’  Derek hesitantly places his hand over Stiles’. ‘’ I am here for you. To help you in any way i can.’’ 

‘’Derek- thank you. I am a stranger to you and yet…’’ 

‘’You’re not. That just isn’t-  _ doesn’t _ feel true.’’ 

_ Yeah, it doesn’t _ , Stiles thinks. It’s a thought that makes him feel warm inside; comforted. 

‘’I am here for you too.’’ He tells Derek. He turns his palm and grasps Derek’s hand gently. ‘’ I know there’s nothing i can really do to help. But i wish from the bottom of my heart that i could. I wish there was a way to soften the pain, to make you- well- just a little bit happy.’’ 

Derek smiles softly at him. ‘’There is a way.’’

‘’Say it and it’s done.’’

‘’Come work for me.’’

‘’What?!’’ Stiles screams out in surprise. 

‘’Come work for me. You need a full time job, right? And i was extremely pleased by your work so I’d be happy to hire you.’’

‘’At the magazine?’’

‘’Where else? One of our assistant photographers is taking a six month leave to take some courses in Madrid. You can cover her position. If you want.’’

‘’I do. Of course, i do.’’ Stiles tears up with relief. ‘’Thank you, Derek. Thank you so, so much.’’

‘’You’re welcome, Stiles.’’ He reaches out with his other hand and swipes away the hot tears burning Stiles’ skin. 

‘’It’s so strange.’’

‘’What is?’’

‘’Everytime i see you… i always think it’s gonna be the last time.’’ Stiles confesses.

‘’But it never is.’’ 

‘’No.’’ 

‘’Good.’’  Derek says, grinning widely. 

Stiles tries to will his heart to calm down. 

He needs to try harder.

* * *

 

After Derek leaves Stiles at the police station he feels odd; like he doesn’t know what to do with himself. Where to go. He didn’t really want to part with the boy but the second he fell into the arms of his evidently worried father, Derek started feeling out of place. He wasn’t part of that small family and that moment of hurt and comfort and relief belonged to them and had nothing to do with him. He started longing for his own family. All those days, since he found out about the surrogate’s miscarriage, he’s been trying to cope on his own. His heart’s been bleeding and he’s been aching to reach out to someone but his people had put so much energy to support him and keep him afloat through the years that he was battling with his disease that he didn’t want to drag them back to a messy situation right when everyone was in such a good place. He realises now that he was wrong. Again. After the time he spent with Stiles he can finally see that when you really care about someone, you  _ want _ to be involved in their problems, you  _ want  _ to be able to feel that you can be useful .It’s the opposite that he imagines would feel like absolute hell.

At first he walks around the city aimlessly, trying to put his thoughts together, but soon his steps bring him in front of a familiar red door with a hanging, flower basket full of chrysanthemums by its side. Before he even knocks on it, the door opens and Paige flies into his arms. Smiling, he holds her up and buries his face in her neck, breathing her in. 

‘’I missed you.’’ He says. 

‘’Me too, you asshole. If this went any longer, people would have to physically restrain me to stop me from coming to you.’’ 

‘’I needed time…’’ Derek begins to explain as she slips from his grip and her feet touch the ground again. 

‘’I know, i know.’’ Paige says. She takes a step back. ‘’You needed space and i respect that… That doesn’t mean that i have to like it. Those last few days were just- the worst.’’

‘’I’m sorry.. I… I always knew that there was a huge possibility that this wasn’t going to work out but i didn’t know it would be so... impossibly painful. I thought i could handle it.’’ 

‘’ Baby,...’’ she says softly and takes his face into her hands ‘’... you can.You can handle it. We will handle it together as we do with everything else. You have me, your sisters… Don’t let this break you down.’’ 

‘’I won’t.’’ Derek promises. ‘’I will be fine, i swear.’’ 

‘’You know this is not the end, right? These things take time and we can-we  _ will  _ try again.’’

‘’No, no. I can’t… I can’t think about this right now. I never want to feel like this again. Ever.’’ 

Paige looks like she’s about to argue with him for a moment but then regrets it. She takes him by the hand and leads him into her house. 

‘’Please, don’t ever shut me out again.’’ She whispers as they’re lying, hugging on the small sofa of her living room. There are papers of sheet music spread all over the coffee table and on the carpet on the floor.

‘’I won’t.’’

‘’You scared me.’’

Derek grimaces as a pang of guilt shoots through him. The hurt is evident in her voice.  

He kisses her on the forehead. ‘’ I’ll do better, i promise. Don’t give up on me.’’

‘’Never.’’

* * *

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Hey there! Next chapter's coming up next Friday! Next up is... an ultrasound? And maybe Derek is somewhere around the vicinity also?  
> \- Sooo... i guess a big divergence from the universe that this fic is based on is that there is no one who is actually evil. There is no Carlota-or Desirée-type of character getting between Stiles and Derek. I've already explored the ''trapped in an unhappy marriage with an evil wife'' storyline in another sterek au so this time i wanted to do something different. I wanted Derek to be in a good relationship with a loving and kind person and still have him fall in love and finally pursue his feelings for Stiles. I wanted it to be a tiny bit more challenging for the reader to root for Stiles & Derek.


	7. Fate?

As the fall starts creeping in and everyone seems to be returning to their usual routines, it is getting all the more harder for Stiles to accept that he’s not going back to college. It still feels like at the last minute he’ll wake up and everything will have been a really, really weird dream and then he’ll go on with his life as always. Every time he tries to picture himself in the future he’s always alone; there’s no child there, no responsibilities beyond those he can carry. On those few times he’s been back at the clinic it’s always his father that’s making the practical plans and arrangements. The poor man is always looking at him, waiting for Stiles’ input on the situation but Stiles never feels like he has something to say. None of these feels real to him.

On their last meeting Deaton asked him if he’s interested in meeting the baby’s father. Momentarily this send him crashing back to reality. There was a person out there, a person that maybe he had even crossed paths with, that had been actually planning, wishing, hoping for this child. He’s not exactly against the idea of meeting that man or letting him be a part of the child’s life. Maybe it would even be helpful. But Stiles is just not ready for that. The order in his world is already fragile as it is, a strange man entering it will probably send it spinning. Of course it’s not just that. Stiles is afraid that this man will not be able to understand that Stiles is not just a surrogate; he is… well… he  _ will _ be a parent.  

At least everything’s going well with his job at the magazine. Everyone at his department is great to work with. On his first days there Erica would barely leave his side, helping him acclimate and to get to know his co-workers. And even now that everything is settling down into a routine she’ll pop up everytime he’s preparing a set to help him and cheer him up. She’s probably being extra attentive to him because of his pregnancy but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t warm him up inside. And it’s the same with all his colleagues. They’ve all been extremely supportive, making him happy that he told them early on, to avoid making things awkward later. Yes, he is taking a break from school because he’s pregnant. Yes, there’s no father in the picture. Yes, he’s doing this alone. With everything out in the open it is easier to move past the reason he ended up there and just focus on the work.

That’s good because work actually relaxes him. It keeps him calm. Being busy, focusing on a task…  

‘’Heeey, no! What are you doing? Put that down.’’ Stiles hears a panicked voice coming from behind him. He automatically drops the heavy bag of props he was trying to carry back to the storage room and turns around with his hands up in the air. He relaxes instantly when he sees both Erica and Caitlin, one of the freelance writers contributing to the magazine, stomping forcefully toward him. Well, it’s mostly Erica doing the stomping. Caitlin is chill as always.

‘’Erica, oh my god, you scared me. What’s the matter with you?”

‘’The matter with  _ me _ ? What is the matter with you, you goofball, carrying around weights when you’re not supposed to? Haven’t we already discussed this?’’

‘’Yes, and i have already said that you’re being ridiculous about it.’’ Stiles replied, feeling a tiny bit annoyed but mostly amused. ‘’I am fine. I feel fine. Let me do my job in peace without pestering me every single minute or i’ll riot.’’

‘’ Erica, he’s right.’’ Caitlin says kind of in a tired manner. ‘’ Stop smothering him. He clearly knows what his body can take better than you do and it’s not like he is sick. He’s just pregnant like many other omegas in the world who continue to work and… you know… live like normal people.’’

‘’Thank you, Caitlin!’’ Stiles shoots a grateful smile at her and she winks at him playfully. Erica looks at both of them as if they are the ones acting weird.

‘’I’m sorry Caitlin, was it you that was with him at his doctor’s appointment last week or me?’’

‘’Erica, the doctor said i should just take it easy and not that everyone should treat me as if i were debilitated. Please, calm the fuck down, you are stressing me.’’

Erica purses her lips and throws him a disappointed look. She says nothing though and Stiles thinks it’s mostly because she doesn’t want to add to his stress levels. The doctor had mentioned something about that too.

‘’So Stiles…’’ Caitlin says, changing the subject. ‘’I need a bit of a favor.’’

‘’Yeah, sure, anything.’’

‘’I am covering a protest that will happen this afternoon outside city hall. The photographer i was supposed to go with dropped out cause his child is home sick. Can you help me? All the photographers have already projects assigned to them and Erica said you’ve done some work of your own…’’

‘’Erica…’’

‘’You’re welcome.’’ Erica says pointedly before he has the chance to start complaining.

‘’Caitlin, i really want to help but i am just an assistant photographer here. What if someone needs me…’’

‘’No one is going to need you. I asked, okay?’’ Erica replies impatiently. ‘’ They’re just grateful that there is someone available to take on the job.’’

Stiles sighs. He tries to seem put out so that Erica will stop meddling with his affairs but in reality he is happy for the opportunity. ‘’ Fine, If everything is settled, of course i will help you, Caitlin. I’ll just go get my stuff and i’ll meet you in the entrance.’’

* * *

Derek has never been much for hierarchy. He’s never been the kind of person who will purposefully put distance between him and his employees. He has come to accept though that he has a naturally intimidating presence so he has never really succeeded in being the kind of approachable, fun guy that gets to hang with his staff and just… blend in . And not for the lack of trying. It is actually kind of sad how everyone will suddenly go quiet everytime his sisters or Paige  drag him to the cafeteria during lunch time to help him socialize.

So truth be told, even though Derek has always tried to make himself available to the people that need his help or his input, it is not a common occurrence for him to leave his floor to visit other departments. This has only been a recent development and in the spirit of not lying to himself, he has come to admit that it’s mainly because of Stiles. Well… solely because of Stiles.

He can’t say that he didn’t know this was going to happen. The moment he offered a job to Stiles, he knew he had gone and complicated his life all by himself. He knew that every bit of vague attraction and protectiveness he had felt towards the boy since he first saw him would multiply tenfold when he entered his life for good. But did he really have a choice? Stiles was drowning, he needed help and support. Derek is glad to be one of the people in Stiles’ life keeping him afloat. It feels right. Good. So as long as his intentions are clear everything will keep being good. The last thing he wants is to hurt Stiles by sending him mixed signals. He has enough on his plate as it is.

So yes… everytime he ends up in Stiles’ department strangely desperate to confirm the boy’s well-being, he tries to be discreet. Eight out of ten times he pretends he is looking for someone in particular. Not Stiles obviously. It really helps that his very personal assistant insists on spending ridiculous amounts of time away from her desk to be with her friend. After that he doesn’t really have to do anything. Most times, the minute Stiles spots him, his eyes will light up and come up to Derek to start asking him about his day and Derek will grab the opportunity to ask about his health and the baby and most importantly to make sure that Stiles is happy.

It is odd how speaking with Stiles for a couple of minutes can put him in a good mood for the whole day. It’s like he’s carrying their discussions with him. He wishes he wouldn’t have to cut them short but it’s necessary. He doesn’t want to get Stiles hopes up. They can’t be more than what they already are and he needs to know that. He is also trying to prevent any kind of gossip that could spread around the company circles and harm Stiles in the process. He knows how gossip works. One wrong move and soon there’ll be preposterous stories about how Stiles ‘’really’’ got the position at the magazine or even worse, rumours about some tumultuous, illicit affair between him and Derek that resulted in Stiles carrying their secret ‘’love child’’.

Ha. Ridiculous.

* * *

Derek is ready once again for one of his daily ‘’excursions’’ to the lower floors when he sees that Erica is unfortunately at her place, trying hopelessly to fix the mess on her desk.  Erica is one of those people who have difficulty getting rid of things. She is convinced that if she throws anything away there’ll come a day that she’ll need it and then she’ll be banging her head on the wall with regret.

‘’Erica. You are here.’’ Derek says.

His assistant keeps her eyes on the documents she’s trying to categorize but raises her eyebrows in acknowledgement. ‘’Yeah? Where else would i be?’’

‘’ _ Well _ , usually the answer is anywhere but your actual assigned place of work so forgive me for being surprised.’’

Erica rolls her eyes and finally turns to look at him. ‘’Is there something you actually need or…?’’

‘’Uh...no. Not really. I just thought you’d be hanging at the creative department again with your friend.’’

‘’You mean Stiles? He left a while ago.’’

‘’Did something happen?” Derek asks, trying to maintain his indifferent tone.

‘’No, nothing. He’s on an assignment.’’ She throws an inquiring look under a stack of files and when it seems like she can’t find what she’s looking for she tries to pass around Derek. He moves though to the side refusing to budge. ‘’ Can i help you with something else?’’  Erica asks with a fake tone of cheeriness as she’s pushing him aside to make her way through. Derek proceeds to follow her.

‘’What assignment? It’s Friday afternoon. We’re closing this month’s issue in a few hours.’’

‘’Uhm…It was a kind of a last minute thing. Caitlin needed help to cover this protest downtown…’’

‘’A protest? What protest?’’

‘’The student protest. About the- you know- the thing that happened a couple days ago. With that fifteen year old boy that got shot down by a cop. There’ll be a gathering with students from all over the county. How is it that you don’t know this? It’s been on tv non-stop for the past two days.’’

Derek closes his eyes and tries to take a few calming breaths.

‘’Erica… are you… are you trying to tell me you let Stiles- a young, _ pregnant _ Omega- go to an anti-police protest? I can’t believe this! Erica, what in the hell were you thinking?” Derek yells.

During all his time as chief editor, Derek had never raised his voice to anyone. Not even once. But now, it’s like he can’t control it. And it takes everyone by surprise. Everyone in the floor pauses whatever they’re doing to turn and look at him.

‘’Derek, are you okay?’’ Erica asks, more concerned and weirded out than offended. ‘’It’s just a student protest. Nothing’s going to happen.’’

Even as his cheeks burn with embarrassment for the way he acted, Derek doesn’t back down.

‘’ Well, i wish i was as confident as you are.’’ He says as he’s making his way to the exit door.

‘’Where are you going?’’

Derek drags his jacket forcefully from the coat rack. ‘’To find him.’’

* * *

Things have started to get a bit more complicated than Stiles expected. He lost Caitlin about half an hour ago and he’s been fighting his way through the protesting crowd since then.  He thought that when tear gas got thrown in the game people would back away but it only made them more determined to move towards the police line. Everyone is screaming and trying to push their way through and he’s pretty sure he can see smoke coming from somewhere far ahead.

_ Damn _ . He is never getting out of here.

His equipment is way to bulky to be carrying around through a tight space like this and he keeps stepping on dumped protest signs and losing his footing. At some point he feels someone falling against his back and finds himself on the ground. A rush of panic courses through his body thinking ‘’  _ this is it. now i will be trampled by the enraged public _ ’’ but then... a set of strong hands grabs him by the shirt and pulls him up.

Stiles is extremely dizzy and to the point of fainting so it takes him several seconds to register Derek’s presence in front of him. When he finally does, it’s strange how he’s not at all surprised. Derek came for him and somehow Stiles knew this would happen.

‘’Derek, thank you… thank you… How did you…’’

Derek puts Stiles’ equipment bag over his shoulder and grabs him tightly by the wrist to start leading him out of the crowd. ‘’I had a feeling you’d gotten yourself into trouble.’’

When they manage to get out in the open street, they both stand still for a minute to collect themselves. Derek scans Stiles from head to toe to check if he’s been hurt.

‘’How do you feel?’’ He asks.

‘’I’m okay… i think.’’ Stiles replies. ‘’Just...just a few scratches. And i think i sprained my foot… once again. Man, i’ve been having a  _ bad _ streak of luck. I should probably lock myself in my house until someone can perform an exorcism on me or something.’’

Derek laughs quietly, a barely there, short huff of air out of his nose. ‘’I should probably get you to the hospital to get checked out.’’

‘’Uhm…’’ Stiles thinks about it. ‘’ Yeah, maybe. Can you take me to my clinic? To make sure everything’s okay with the baby?’’

While it’s true that Stiles doesn’t feel nowhere near ready to be a  parent that doesn’t mean he’s stopped feeling overly protective of the little fox cub that’d been living in his dreams. It’s been like that since the moment it came alive in his subconscious and Stiles suspects it will continue to be like that for the years to come.

Derek nods. ‘’Good idea. Come, my car is over there.’’

As he watches Derek lead the way, Stiles, as tired and drowsy as he may feel, can’t help but be overtaken by a welcome sense of elation and lightness.

He looks down, smiling.

Derek hasn’t let go of his hand.

* * *

They drιve in relative silence. Every few minutes Derek turns to glance discreetly to a half asleep Stiles whose cheek is pressed up against the window glass, distorting his facial features into a ridiculous grimace. And as the very first time that he saw him, Stiles continues to look breathtaking. One of the most beautiful things Derek has ever set eyes upon. Only now he actually knows Stiles. He knows that he is smart and funny  and intuitive. Compassionate in his own way. Talented. And Derek- Derek isn’t simply attracted to him. He admires the boy. And he cannot deny that the fact that Stiles has chosen to bring alone a child into this world has made his admiration even deeper.

Derek can remember himself wanting to create a family -be a dad- since his early twenties. He would look at young couples with their kids in the street and think that  _ ‘’ this is how life is supposed to be. this is what i should be working to achieve’’.  _ But Derek never needed to worry over financial stability and he knew that he had a huge family behind him to support him. Stiles is a student who’s been working hard to make ends meet and he just has his dad. A child was never part of his plans. For an ambitious and capable person like Stiles having a child would mean that he would have to struggle twice as hard to reach his goals and even sacrifice some of his dreams along the way for the sake of another person. Despite all that he chose to go ahead with it and do it. Derek doesn’t know why, he only knows that it shows tremendous courage and selflessness.  __

Who wouldn’t admire that?

When they reach the clinic Derek has worked himself into a state of panic. He’s already started of thinking of ways to put more distance between him and Stiles but the problem is... He doesn’t want to.

As he stands by Stiles’ side, with a comforting hand on his shoulder, while a doctor checks on his foot he cannot imagine himself not being here. He wouldn’t want Stiles to be alone for that. He wouldn’t want him to be with anyone else either.

‘’Okay, doc, be honest. How does it look?’’ Stiles asks as he carefully climbs down the examination table. Derek steadies him as he tries to put back on his sneakers.

The doctor, a tall, broad shouldered woman, throws her used, latex gloves into the black bag on her side. ‘’It looks just fine, Mr. Stilinski. I think it’s already healed actually,  it doesn’t need to be checked by an ortho.  _ Which _ is very good news given that if it was a more serious injury we would have trouble doing an X-ray in your condition.’’

‘’Phew. That’s a relief. I mean… i feel good.’’ Stiles says. ‘’But we should still check on the baby. Just to make sure. Even though i have a feeling that puny, little dream fox is a lot more resilient than i am.’’

_ Dream fox.  _ Derek repeats soundlessly, mouthing the words on his lips. He finds the name adorable. He’s pretty sure he’s sporting a serious look of fondness right now and he doesn’t even have the energy to fight it down.

‘’Sure. Let’s go to the room with the ultrasound machine.’’ The doctor replies. ‘’It’s right across to this one. Come…’’

Derek hastily picks up their stuff that were lying around on the chairs and follows behind Stiles who stops him though at the door.

‘’Uhm… can you maybe wait out here?’’ The boy asks hesitantly.

‘’You don’t want me to come with?’’ Derek regrets how evident the hurt is in his voice. Especially when Stiles’ eyes widen with guilt.

‘’I’m sorry, i just… I think it will be awkward? I think it will make us look like something we’re not. Derek… i think it will make us  _ feel _ like something we’re not. Do you understand?’’

He does. He understands. What Stiles means is that Derek being with him for something so personal and possibly so sentimental as that would mess up with both their heads. It would draw out emotions that would in reality be based on a state of illusion where they pretend  to be a happy… couple? Family?

All this time Derek has been worried that Stiles will end up confused and heartbroken about their situation. But now he can tell that between the two of them Stiles is the one who can see things more clearly. Derek may be slipping but Stiles is still in control.

He stands right beside the closed door, waiting. He tries to focus his wolf so that he’ll be able to pick up on any signals of distress if needed. He knows that logically nothing will happen but his wolf is very protective of the boy. Sometimes Derek thinks that it would never have even woken in the first place if it wasn’t for him.

He is trying so hard to concentrate on the sounds coming from the other side of the door that his heart almost leaps in his throat when he feels a hand grabbing his shoulder.

He turns his head abruptly and he sees Deaton’s sister, Marine,  who seems to be amused by his reaction.

‘’Sorry, Derek. Didn’t mean to scare you.’’ She apologizes, smiling. ‘’ I saw you in the waiting room and just wanted to say hi.’’

‘’No, it’s ok. Hi. How’s it going?’’

‘’Good. A bit surprised to see you here. Is everything alright?’’

‘’Oh yeah… Everything’s fine. I’m just here with Stiles…he is my…’’

‘’Stiles Stilinski?’’ She asks excitedly, her whole face lighting up.

‘’Uhm yeah…’’  Derek’s not sure how she knows Stiles but he assumes their relationship is of the doctor-patient variant. He can’t imagine Stiles and Marine moving in the same social circles.

‘’Oh Derek, i’m so happy and so relieved.’’ She seems honest to God ecstatic and Derek is extremely baffled as to why is that. Usually Marine is very stoic as a person and also very hard to read; exactly like her brother. ‘’It can’t have been more than a week that we were discussing this with Alan. He said that Stiles was very negative about meeting with the father of the child...but i guess you guys made it work!’’

Derek is having difficulty to decode her words. He remembers that when Stiles talked to him about his pregnancy he said that there is no father in the picture. He assumed that the father had refused to take responsibility but maybe it is Stiles who doesn’t want him in his life. But what does this have to with Derek?  And is it really right for Marine to be conveying to him all these personal details about Stiles’ life?

‘’I truly truly hope that everything will go well.’’ She continues as she reaches out to take his hand, looking at him apologetically. ‘’I know all these started as a horrible accident, in a completely unorthodox way, and i feel... _ awful _ about it. But if something good comes out of it… I mean… You’ve wanted a child for so long and by some kind of miracle Stiles decided that he wants to bring it into the world… And now you’re finally doing this together as a team! It feels as if everything’s falling into place.’’

‘’I don’t… Are you saying…’’ Derek is at a loss for words. It’s not possible that Marine is saying what he thinks she’s saying. There’s no realistic way that Stiles could have ended up pregnant with his child. There’s no way that the universe could have fabricated a chain of events that would lead them up to this point.

Suddenly Marine’s pager goes off; the sound combined with the ringing in Derek’s ears makes for a horrific kind of symphony.

Marine reaches into her pocket to quiet it. ‘’I am expected to the O.R.’’ She explains. ‘’I am sure we’ll see each other soon though. And uh… i haven’t found the courage to face Stiles yet but… please tell him that i’m sorry about everything and that i am glad that at least he’s getting all the support that he needs.’’

She goes away and Derek is left alone. Truly alone. The people around him become blurry figures, their voices a monotonous background noise.

And then…

One sound breaks through.

_ Ba-dum  Ba-dum Ba-dum Ba-dum Ba-dum Ba-dum _

The sound of a frantic but steady heartbeat that floods Derek’s existence.

He feels so full in his chest, so overwhelmed, that he starts to tear up. 

He turns and looks at the closed door. He wants to break it down. He wants it to not exist.  He needs to be in there with Stiles. 

But he can’t really. Can he?

So he stays outside; alone in a mixed state of happiness, confusion and melancholy.  With his hand on the door, listening… listening…

* * *

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter next Friday!


	8. Meant to be?

‘’Derek. Hey, Derek.’’  Cora drops on the couch beside him and bumps him on the shoulder with her fist. Derek though remains unresponsive, staring ahead at the turned off TV. ‘’ Derek, bro, I’m talking to you. What’s the matter with him?’’ She asks Paige who’s sitting on the soft, wool carpet on the floor. She has her headphones on, an indistinct, distant melody coming of them, and every once in a while she’ll write something down on the cramped worksheet laying on the coffee table. 

‘’Not sure.’’ Paige replies, shrugging her shoulders. ‘’Though it must be something serious. He’s eaten two bags of mini oreos in less than an hour.’’

Derek looks down at the half empty bag of cookies.  ‘’I’m fine.’’ He mutters as he pops one more into his mouth. Both Cora and Paige give him a dubious look.

They are right of course. He is not fine. He is as far from fine as it can be. He’s just gotten back from visiting Deaton at the clinic. After the conversation he had with Marine yesterday he was not in a state to do more than the basics. He drove Stiles home, his pulse racing like a freight train all the way there, and then he came back here and locked himself in his bedroom so that he could have a nervous breakdown in peace and quiet. It was only today after he managed to collect himself that he figured it was best to go speak to Deaton about this and get some kind of explanation. He still can’t comprehend the string of accidents and coincidences that had to happen for Stiles to end up carrying their child. There must be a force out there with some extremely weird sense of humour that put all that into play.

So now he’s left wondering what next? What  _ should _ he do next? He knows what he  _ wants _ to do. But he’s not alone in all these. There’s also Stiles, there’s his family, there’s… Paige. She’s been the best, most loyal and most loving partner anyone could have asked for. They found each other at the bleakest time of their lives and it was Paige’s will to survive, to get back to the life that was stolen from her, that carried Derek through it. During his weakest, his most terrifying moments, Paige stood strong for the both of them. He promised to himself that he would be there for her too. That he would do anything in his power to give her all the happiness she absolutely deserves. That’s why the moment Stiles got in the picture Derek decided to be extra careful around him; to not do anything stupid that would hurt the girl that has given him everything.

There’s no way he can solve this without breaking his promise. There is a person out there that is about to give life to his child and Derek happens to be very much in love with that person. This can only end in heartbreak.

‘’Derek- honey… what’s the matter?’’ Paige’s soft voice drags Derek out of his deep thoughts. She’s pulled down her headphones and she has that familiar look on her eyes that feels like it’s piercing through him; always with compassion, always with the will to understand, never judgingly or inquisitively.

‘’Nothing. I’m sorry, i’m… just a bit tired, i guess.’’

Her lips form a slight smile and she gets up to come sit next to him. 

‘’Are you sure?’’ She asks, looking pointedly on the chocolaty crumbs collecting on his t-shirt. ‘’Honey, it seems like you’re a bit distracted.’’ She takes his hand and kisses him lightly on the knuckles. ‘’Do you want to talk?’’

‘’ I’ll… I will go to the kitchen to fix us all some ice tea… and then maybe i’ll- uh -rearrange the fridge.’’ Cora states, excusing herself so that she will leave them alone. She all but joggs to the kitchen.

‘’Derek, if this is about the miscarriage…’’ Paige starts saying but Derek quickly cuts her off.

‘’It’s not. It’s not that… or maybe… Well, maybe… partly, i’m not sure.’’ He really doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t want her to be worried about him but he also doesn’t want her agonizing, thinking that he’s trying to keep her out of important parts of his life.

‘’That’s not weird. That you’re not sure, i mean.This is still a fresh wound, Derek. It’s only normal that at one moment you’ll feel like you’ve started feeling better and then suddenly everything will hit you again, all at once, as if it just happened. It was not easy, what you went through… It’s okay if it takes time for you to move on. I’ll be right here to see you through it. I promise.”

As always her words hold so much honesty, so much sincerity, that Derek can feel them rush through him, warming up his very core, almost healing him.

He is not worth this. He has done nothing to earn that kind of unbending loyalty. Paige doesn’t care though. She just gives and she just loves.

Derek grasps her gently by the jaw and kisses her softly on the corner of her mouth.

“I wish i could find some way to convey to you how much you’ve bettered my life. You coming into it made up for everything bad that happened before it.I  _ survived _ thanks to you.”

“That’s not…”

“It is. It is true.” Derek insists. He wraps his arms around her and hopes that in some way he can communicate his deep -his unending gratitude.

He really doesn’t want her to disappear from his life. She’s his partner, his friend, part of his family. But she deserves to be more than that. She should be the center in someone’s universe. She should finally be allowed to be the one that is weak, the one that needs to be lifted up. The one that is taken care for. They need to free each other so that they can go on and live their best lives.

* * *

Stiles has been looking at the video for about the last half hour. He’s sitting with his face inches away from his computer screen, trying to discern where among that confusing field of black and white is the tiny thing that is growing up inside him. It’s hopeless. He’s also tried to pull up some google pictures  with ultrasounds at the end of the first trimester to compare with but that hasn’t helped especially.

He can’t stop thinking that... if Derek had been there with him, he would’ve been able to guide him through it. He knows there’s no basis to that, it’s just how he pictures it in his head. This is of course not the first time that he’s been daydreaming about Derek. It’s been a common occurrence lately.At one moment he’ll be completely focused on a mind numbing task  or simply be laying down on his bed and then slowly his mind will drift off and start concocting little scenarios where he and Derek do stuff together.

Like…little moments of intimacy. He’ll imagine waking up and seeing Derek’s face smiling at him or them leaving work together to go on a date. He’ll create complicated conversations in his head where they talk about their feelings and everything ends well with them going off to see the world together.He’ll think about all the things he wants to share with him; favorite movies, songs, places…

But since he came back from the clinic there’s one particular fantasy that’s been permeating his thoughts. It’s always him lying again on the examination table, the ultrasound transducer running across his belly, his baby’s heartbeat filling the cold, dark room with sound and this time- this time Derek’s by his side. His eyes are filled with awe, his hand never leaves Stiles’ hand and every once in a while he tenderly kisses him on the face and tells him he’s proud of him.

Stiles doesn’t regret asking Derek to not be present for the ultrasound. That doesn’t mean though that he didn’t wish for him to be there. He almost took his words back when he saw the hurt expression on Derek’s face the moment he told him to not follow him in. But he knows it was for the best. He wants Derek and Derek wants him. He can feel it with a sort of certainty he’s never had about anything. Every time he and him are in the same room the air changes around them.It feels like being in the presence of a dormant volcano and being able to sense that it’s about to wake up...any second now.

Stiles is also certain that Derek’s not willing to act on any of those feelings. He can feel the man at times trying to distance himself from him. He will act with cold typicality everytime they’ll have some sort of ‘’moment’’ or he’ll try to drag other people around them into their exchanges so as not to show that he has a special interest in him. And Stiles has seen him together with Paige. He can see that there’s a lot of love and respect there and Erica has told him they’ve been through a lot together. He understands that Derek has decided that whatever he might feel for Stiles is not worth risking his bond with his girlfriend over.

So it’s best that they don’t set themselves up for situations where the unspoken limits they’ve drawn between one another will become more blurry than they already are. If Derek had been there during the ultrasound that would have messed with their heads and especially Stiles’.Because he  _ doesn’t _ have a girlfriend or a boyfriend holding him back. He has no actual reason to rein in his emotions for Derek.

He wants to believe that what’s keeping him right now from trying to push against the roadblocks that Derek’s put between them is the fact that he is a decent person with enough dignity and consideration for other people to not want to make others miserable for his own selfish reasons. But as time passes by ,and he and Derek come closer, his confidence is faltering. He doesn’t trust himself to not make a fool out of himself and go after the person he wants. Because…

Well, maybe Derek doesn’t think that Stiles is worth turning his life upside down over… But Stiles absolutely thinks that Derek is.

* * *

On the nights that it’s hard for him to settle down and sleep Stiles likes to spend his time in the makeshift darkroom he’s set up at the laundry room down at the house’s basement. One of the first things he ever saved up for through his summer jobs was a C700 enlarger.  It’s a shame that there are no functional darkrooms left at the magazine since everyone there’s working exclusively with digital photography.There’s an eerie kind of peace and tranquility one can experience working into that silent room, under the soft, red lights. He’s even learnt to love the familiar smells; the odor of developer on his hands and fixer on his apron.

Right now there is an array of photos hanging from the drying line, all showing different parts of the town. Stiles looks at them and he feels like he’s looking at the story of his childhood. For the first time he’s thinking how there’ll come a day, several years from now,  when he will show all these to his kid and it’ll be like travelling back in time. This thought fills him with a strange sort of pride and sense of accomplishment.

He places a tentative hand on his stomach and in the dead quiet of the room… he speaks.

‘’I hope you’ll love this town as much as I do, little friend.’’

Well.. that’s a first too. He’d never felt the urge to talk to the baby before. He’d never imagined the countless conversations they will have together in the future. He hopes the little dream fox can forgive him for leaving it in the silence for so long.

Stiles looks up to the clock on the wall. The hour is closing four in the morning. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to sleep tonight but it’s best that he rests for the remaining hours till it’s time for him to go to work.  He drops his apron on the workbench and goes to wash his hands off the chemicals.

As he turns on the faucet and feels the hard pressure of the cold water on his skin an odd sentiment overtakes him. It happens completely out of the blue and without reasonable explanation. Almost like a panic attack but not quite. He is calm at one moment and then… he is the opposite of calm. His hands start shaking, his heart rate goes up, he feels as though he’ll jump right out of his skin. He is buzzing with a strange kind of energy.

He is nervous. Nervous in the very same way as… when he’s about to see  _ him _ .

He closes his eyes and when he opens them his pupils have turned slit shaped. He lets the fox side take over. He lets himself feel everything. And then, as if following some bright source of light, he walks out of the room, leaving the water running. He is not careful or cautious. He climbs up the stairs quickly and runs to unlock the front door with anticipation.

He smiles…

There, in the dim lit street, stands a black wolf. Stiles has never seen him before and yet he knows that wolf is Derek. He looks as if he does not belong to this world; glowingly beautiful and aethereal.

Stiles walks towards him and drops on his knees when he gets in front of him.

‘’You got him back.’’ He says with wonder. ‘’Your wolf… He’s back.’’  He raises his hand invitingly and the wolf pokes his palm with his snout. Stiles chuckles.

After a moment of hesitation he sets his hand on the base of the wolf’s neck, his fingers drowning into the rich, soft fur. The wolf closes his eyes and leans into the touch. After a few, quiet minutes he slowly backs off. Stiles moves to stand on his feet when he sees that Derek is slowly changing back.

‘’Why did you come?’’ He asks then, finally looking at Derek’s human form, stark naked under the moonlight. He doesn’t think he’ll get an honest answer but he knows what he wants to hear. He wants to hear that Derek came for him. That even those four hours that were left keeping them apart before they could see each other were unbearable.

‘’I couldn’t sleep, I was running in the woods.’’ Derek says. ‘’ I was running and then- i was here. Is that okay?’’ He sounds unusually open and vulnerable. .

‘’Of course.’’ Stiles replies and slowly closes the distance between them. ‘’Is there something wrong?’’

Derek shakes his head no. ‘’ Nothing’s wrong. I just… I don’t know. I was probably a bit worried. I haven’t seen you since Friday after the clinic. We parted kind of… abruptly.’’ He winces as he states the last.

‘’Uh, yeah… you seemed to be in a hurry. But that’s fine, I mean… I am fine. The doctor said everything looks as it should. Little fox is thriving.’’ He says happily and Derek’s face also lights up.

‘’Uhm… Would… Would you maybe…’’ Derek starts asking with a hesitant smile while rubbing the back of his neck.

‘’Yes?’’

‘’Would it be alright for me to touch?’’ He says finally, pointing to Stiles’ belly. There’s nothing really there yet. The tiny, tiny bump that he’s started to show is completely covered by his baggy t-shirt.

Stiles, too flustered to say anything, nods and slowly takes Derek’s hand to press it against his stomach. His heart is beating hard and irregularly against his ribcage, threatening to leap out any moment now.

‘’Derek…’’ Stiles almost whispers, his voice suddenly weak,  but Derek seems too immersed by the look of their co-joined hands on his belly to respond. Stiles feels like there’ll never be another chance like this -another  _ moment _ like this. He gathers as much courage as he can and moves quickly  forward to press his mouth on Derek’s. At first it’s barely a brush of lips and it’s many seconds later that Derek’s lips open up to capture his and then it becomes something… something harder. Derek’s kiss is almost bruising but Stiles is not backing off. He  _ wants _ this. He never imagined there could be a kind of pain he would chase after.

When the kiss ends, Derek takes several steps back. It’s like he feels cornered, like he’s suffocating.

‘’That was wrong.’’ He says with finality and Stiles’ heart sinks with disappointment.

‘’I’m sorry… I… I read the situation wrong.’’

‘’No, no.’’ Derek replies emphatically and comes a little closer. ‘’ You didn’t, okay? I wanted this. Since the moment i first saw you I wanted this.’’

‘’Then… why? Why can’t we…’’

Derek looks away and  gives a quick, humorless laugh. ‘’ There is probably a thousand reasons why we can’t do this right now. But the most important is Paige. Paige is… She’s been…God- Look, i just can’t do this to her, not like this... Or to you for that matter...’’

Stiles doesn’t know what to say to this. He almost says -  _ it’s fine. I don’t mind. Just keep kissing me. You can have me whenever and in whatever way you need.  _ But fortunately his logic preserves; the voice of reason in his head calling to him not to sink this low.

‘’I understand.’’ is what he says in the end. ‘’Go then.Go to her.’’

Derek bites his bottom lip guiltily and nods. He throws a last look towards Stiles and then he turns and starts walking to the tree line, steadily transforming back into his wolf.

Stiles is left alone into the stillness of the coming dawn.

* * *

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -You probably hate me at this point BUT... rejoice because in the next chapter Stiles finally sinks that low.   
> -Though i'm probablly posting Sunday cause i'll be out of town until then.


	9. Immutable?

Derek knows that what he’s thinking probably raises him to whole new levels of assholery but he really wishes he could just… skip right away to the good part. Everytime he crosses paths with Stiles at work and he awkwardly mumbles a hello and glances away, everytime he tries to talk to Paige and explain everything but his heart clenches with guilt and is unable to find the right words… Every single time he wishes that in some magical way all the difficult confrontations would be dealt with and he would move right to the part where he and Stiles are happy and in love and enthusiastically make plans for their baby. 

Nothing can of course minimise the feeling of absolute bliss and exhilaration he gets when he reminds himself that he’s going to be a dad. He spends more time looking up fathers’ guides to pregnancy and information on the best preschools in the area than actually working. Boyd has caught him checking out newborn clothing catalogues during meetings and is now actively worried that Derek might be suffering from delusions or has obsessed himself to the point of neurosis. Derek has tried extra hard since then to appear relatively normal. Though it was not exactly discreet when he requested that they eliminate every trace of caffeine and greasy snacks from the staff rooms and instead replace them with fruits, dark chocolate and crackers. He is pretty sure everyone hates him now.

What would be great is if he was in a position to actively ensure Stiles wellbeing; make sure that he is comfortable, that he is eating healthy and that he is not stressed out. Of course there is no way he can manage that without informing Stiles of the fact that he is the father of the baby.

He doesn’t know why he is so terrified by the prospect of this conversation. Deaton told him that the boy has been very clear since the beginning of all these that he does not wish for the father to be involved, at least at this point, but Derek wants to believe that Stiles will be happy or at least relieved that it is him. He for one is extremely happy that it’s Stiles he’s bringing a child into the world with. The fact still remains though that a revelation like this is capable of derailing their relationship and setting it on a whole new basis.  Suddenly from two people who want each other, they will turn to two almost strangers who accidentally got stuck in a crazy situation together.

Is there really an easy way to make it so that Stiles but also the rest of their family and friends will be able to perceive their individual relationship and the fact that through this pregnancy they ended up unintentionally connected to each other as two completely separate things? Derek doesn’t feel like there is.

_ ‘’This is hopeless.’’  _ He thinks. He closes all the document files staring at him from his laptop screen and pushes the device aside. He’s been crammed inside his office for several hours now trying to catch up with his ongoing projects but he cannot for the life of him think about anything else beyond this surreal adventure life has thrown him in. He should probably head back home. Paige and Cora have sent him about a dozen pics of themselves and the mess they’ve made in the kitchen in the process of trying to cook dinner. It’s a  _ subtle _ hint that Derek needs to get home before they bring the whole house down.  

It’s quite late so Derek meets no one on his way to the elevator besides dark rooms and empty desks. He looks through the big windows at the angry, dark clouds closing from the horizon.It doesn’t look good. He hopes he’ll make it home before the storm comes.

* * *

When Derek finally gets home it’s in the midst of a heavy downpour. He can only thank his luck he got back in one piece since he could barely see anything on his way there. He was driving with the pace of a snail to make sure there was enough distance between him and the cars in the front  so as not to cause an accident.

He waits a few seconds to prepare himself psychologically and then he runs out into the cold rain with his jacket as shield while he hears the garage door closing behind him. Hurriedly he fishes for his key from the inner pocket of the silk lining but before he can manage to push it in the keyhole the door opens to reveal Laura, soaked to the bone and smiling.

‘’Get in, get in!’’ She exclaims as she grabs him from his tie to drag him inside. He stumbles awkwardly into the hallway and tries to steady himself by setting a hand on the wall. Before his mind can register anything else around him his head goes spinning as he sees Stiles of all people staring at him guiltily from where he is crouched on the floor, apparently setting his muddy sneakers on the shoe rack.

‘’What is happening?’’ Derek asks, looking around him carefully and taking in his surroundings. He is a bit afraid he may have started hallucinating an alternate reality where Stiles waiting for him when he gets home from work is an actual thing.

‘’Uhm, hi…’’ Stiles says, slowly standing up and giving him a small wave. Exactly like Laura he is also wet from head to toe. His white shirt and jeans are clinging on his body in an obviously uncomfortable way and a multitude of transparent water drops  is decorating his skin.

‘’What is happening?’’ Derek asks again, this time directing the question to his sister. After all she’s one hundred percent real while Stiles for all he knows and suspects might not be.

‘’Nothing? Can you like… be a normal person for one minute and just welcome our guest?’’ She replies as she takes off her coat to put it on the hanger.

‘’And how is it that we even have a guest?’’

Derek regrets the tone of his voice the moment the words leave his mouth. He only meant to express confusion but he is pretty sure he ended up sounding irritated. He can see it in Stiles’ face that reddens with embarrassment as he quickly excuses himself and walks away towards the living room.

_ Damn it _ . One of these days he’ll have to pressure himself into regulating his reactions around the boy. He can’t go into panic mode eight out of the ten times he finds him in his general vicinity.

Laura sighs exasperated and sets her hands on his shoulders with a _ tiny  _ bit of aggressiveness.

‘’Is there a particular reason you’re acting like a jerk today or is it just one of those days?’’

‘’It was just a question…’’ He replies weakly.

‘’Derek, the kid needed my help, okay? His bike broke down in the middle of the street and I, being the awesome person that I am, offered him a ride. I didn’t feel safe driving all the way to his neighbourhood so we ended up here. Do you have any objections?’’

‘’No.’’

‘’Thought so. Now get in there and pretend to be normal.’’ She gives him a gentle push back and Derek obediently turns around and walks into the living room.

He gets in there right at the time when Paige is placing a steaming cup of hot chocolate in Stiles hands which he accepts gratefully. The moment she notices him she happily runs to welcome him with a hug.

‘’Welcome home, babe.’’ She wraps her hands around his neck and brings him down to kiss him on the forehead. ‘’Cora! Derek’s home!’’ She yells.

‘’Great,’’ Cora says as she enters the living room with a big plate to leave it on the diner table, ‘’cause I had no immediate plans on doing those dishes. Stiles, i hope you’re eating things that are bathed in butter and cheese.’’

‘’Yeah, uhm… I’m not a picky eater.Thank you for having me.’’ The boy says, looking completely out of place.He stands completely still in the middle of the room, with his arms crossed and with his cup in a tight grip, as if he is trying to occupy as little space as possible. Derek wants desperately to make him feel comfortable; to make him feel part of his life, his home, his family. But how can he do that? He is standing right there with his arm around the waist of a girl he  _ actually _ shares his life with, a girl his own family considers family. It feels like he’s aiming for the impossible.

‘’You’re shivering.’’ Derek says after several moments of silence. Stiles turns to look at him in disbelief as if he thought that Derek would not bother engaging with him. That makes him feel even worse.

‘’He’s right.’’ Laura agrees as she enters the living room with her wet jacket and overshirt in her hands. ‘’I am going upstairs to change into something dry and Derek, you should lend Stiles something of yours.’’

‘’No- it’s fine. I’m fine.’’ Stiles says hurriedly.

Derek walks towards the staircase and  then looks behind. ‘’Stiles, please,’’ he says and then waits patiently. Finally the boy leaves a sigh of resignation, places the cup on a coaster on the coffee table  and then proceeds to follow him to the upper floor.

Derek opens the door to his room and lets Stiles in. He immediately goes to the dresser and finds a pair of comfy pants and an old jumper from his math camp days. He leaves them carefully on the bed and runs to the bathroom to grab a clean towel. When he gets back Stiles’ wet shirt is lying on the back of his office chair and the boy is unfolding the jumper. Stiles jumps up when he sees him entering the room and uses the jumper to cover his pale torso.

‘’I’m sorry…’’ Derek apologizes as he moves carefully to eventually stand still right in front of the boy. Tentatively he reaches with his hand to grab the boy’s arm and then drags it across the soft skin to finally grasp the jumper and leave back on the bed. Stiles looks at him as if he’s  trying to calculate Derek’s next move. He makes an aborted move to back off but Derek holds him in place and then with a smooth work of his hands he wraps the large,cotton towel around the boy’s shoulders. There’s a moment where they’re both standing there in silence, Derek’s hands still grasping the edges of towel, bringing them together. When Derek takes a step back, Stiles’ stance relaxes as if he’d been holding a breath in.

‘’Derek,’’ he starts saying,‘’ I’m... Ι didn’t mean to ambush you like that. I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable.’’

‘’Stiles, you haven’t. I am glad you are here -that you’re safe. I am sorry if i came off weird. I was just surprised, that’s all.’’

‘’I’m not naive, you know. I can tell that you’ve been avoiding me.’’ Stiles lowers his eyes, a dejected smirk forming on his lips. ‘’I don’t blame you though. It was me that made things awkward between us.’’

Derek feels like a loser. While he’s been going through his own crisis, lost in his thoughts about finding a miraculous solution that would work out for everyone, he’s been actively making Stiles unhappy.

‘’Listen to me,‘’ he says, cupping Stiles’ face with his hands, ‘’you did nothing wrong. Okay?  _ I _ came to you, remember? I came  _ for _ you. I want you around all the time.’’

‘’Then why?’’ The boy asks, finally looking  up.

‘’Because…’’ Derek leans forward, his nose almost touching Stiles’. ‘’Because before we can do  _ this-  _ before we can do this for real, I need to clear things up. But me seeing you, being around you… it makes it hard for me to do things right.’’

‘’You mean…’’ Stiles tries to whisper out.

‘’I  _ mean _ that you’ve broken my mind and now I can’t be around you without thinking about kissing you again.’’

Derek swallows thickly.He can hear everything going on downstairs; his sisters laughing and talking excitedly, Paige wondering what’s taking them so long. He tries to will himself to break away but it’s not easy. He leans even closer and allows his lips to brush briefly against the boy’s face. They travel from the corner of his lips to his cheek ,still cold from the rain,  and then to his temple. He stays there for a while, breathing in Stiles’ milk and honey shampoo and everything underneath.

When he eventually finds the determination to back off Stiles almost follows with him. The sound of metal cutlery falling on the floor though helps them clear their minds and land them back to the real world. Derek rushes to pick up a t-shirt of his that’s been trapped under one of his pillows, planning to go to the bathroom and change there. As he closes the door to his room he hears Stiles’ disappointed sigh and the words the boy mumbles quietly.

_ ‘’ _ Then just _ … kiss me.’’ _

* * *

‘’The storm has calmed down.’’ Laura observes as she stands by the window, holding a small plate with barely any cheesecake left on it. She takes another small bite of her dessert and returns to the table to join them. 

This has probably been one of the most awkward dinners Derek has ever been a part of. He had no idea how to act, where to look or what to say. The others didn’t seem to share his feelings though. Both Paige and Cora would enthusiastically take on one new subject after the other and every time they did their best to drag Stiles into their discussions. Laura was not as talkative but Derek thinks it is because she was trying not to bring up  the last time Stiles ended up at their house; when Derek carried him from the woods where he had found him hurt. It’s true that Laura is usually very discreet but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t notice things. She must have felt Derek’s wolf suddenly come back and then she saw him coming through the front door with Stiles in his arms. It’s hard for him to remember clearly what happened back then but he’s pretty sure that at first he had refused to let the boy go.

‘’It’s been years since we’ve had a storm of biblical proportions like this.’’ Stiles says as he’s seemingly browsing newspages on his phone. ‘’My friend, Scott , works as a paramedic… He texted me a photo of the E.R.s waiting room  and it looks like complete chaos.’’

‘’Good thing Laura found you then!’’ Paige says as she begins serving cups with tea and coffee around the table.

Stiles nods emphatically. ‘’That’s for sure. I don’t know how to thank you, Laura.’’

‘’That’s fine,’’ Laura replies, smiling, ‘’it seems that we Hales have a special inclination in helping you out in times of trouble.’’

Derek doesn’t miss the meaningful look she throws his way. 

‘’Τhat’s true!’’ Paige agrees. ‘’Remember the time I found you in the preserve? When you had fallen with your bike. And I’m  _ sort _ of a Hale by proxy so I think it counts.’’ She turns to look at Derek with a giant smile on her face and Derek can do nothing else but return it albeit a bit weakly.

‘’I remember.’’ Stiles says, his expression completely blank, pushing the now smashed cake around his plate. ‘’Can we... Can I maybe go home now? I’m not feeling that well.’’

‘’What is it ,Stiles?’’ Cora asks with concern. ‘’Are you feeling dizzy? Are you in pain?’’

‘’No, it’s nothing serious. It’s just- well, it’s been a long day and I’m tired… My back hurts. I just need to lie down, that’s all.’’

‘’Of course, Stiles. I’ll just be done with my coffee and we can go.’’  Laura says.

‘’I’m sorry if I’m causing you a problem. I would have called my dad but he’s at the station and won’t come home until morning.’’

‘’It’s not a problem at all. The girls can come too to keep me company.’’

Both Cora and Paige seem to be on board with the plan and stand up quickly to start cleaning up the table.

It takes time for Derek to gather the courage to say what he’s being meaning to say but when  Stiles gets up to start getting ready without saying anything or even looking at him he finally ends the silence in the room.

‘’I think it’s best that Stiles stays here tonight.’’

He speaks up so completely out of the blue that it takes everyone some time to register that he said anything. When they finally do everyone looks at him surprised. Everyone besides Laura who is just waiting to see where he’s going with this.

‘’I mean…well… The Sheriff’s not home so Stiles  would be on his own all night. And he said himself that he’s not feeling very well.’’

‘’Mr. Hale…’’ Stiles tries to say but Derek doesn’t let him finish.

‘’I just don’t think that it’s safe for you to be all alone during a night like this. I mean in your condition...If something happens it will be very difficult for someone to come to you in time.’’

‘’Derek makes a good point.’’ Cora agrees. ‘’ And it’s not like we’re lacking the space. The guest room is a bit cold but Agnetta’s room’s been empty since she took her leave to go visit her grandchildren.’’

‘’I’m sure that Stiles would be a lot more comfortable at his own home.’’ Laura says, picking up the car keys from the coffee table. ‘’Right, Stiles?’’

‘’Right...’’ Stiles begins to say but Derek gives him a begging look, trying to convey that he’d genuinely feel better if he stayed. The boy seems to understand and he yields. ‘’It’s true though that I’m not feeling extremely well tonight. So maybe it  _ is _ best that i stay here- if you’ll have me.’’

Laura looks at both of them with disappointment written in her eyes but doesn’t comment. The keys fall back on the table, making a clanging sound.

‘’Of course,’’ she says ,’’ it’d be our pleasure. Please, come with me. I’ll show you to your room.’’

Stiles rushes to follow behind her. Before he disappears into the dark corridor he turns to look at Derek and he smiles at the boy encouragingly. He knows he shouldn’t be feeling  _ this _ pleased but he can’t help but welcome the sense of relief that settles in his chest. He feels a lot better knowing that Stiles sleeps under the same roof as him where he can keep him safe. He’s gone through so many sleepless nights, feeling on every inch of his body the absence of  _ him,  _ wishing he could tore the distance between them apart; so many nights that he ended up disappearing from his bed only for his steps to lead him under Stiles’ house, half hoping that the boy would sense him again and come to him. Derek doesn’t think he’ll stand another night like this.

* * *

He can hear him. He’s been listening to him since the lights turned off and the house slowly went quiet as everyone drifted off to sleep. Everyone except for Stiles. Derek can tell he’s been restless all this time. The boy’s heart hasn’t calmed down one bit. It’s been beating wildly like he’s leading himself to a cardiac arrest. Derek’s whole existence aches with the need to find himself next to him, to make sure he knows that he’s got nothing to worry about. He is cherished and protected and loved. It feels like up to this point he’s failed Stiles in many ways but the fact that Stiles cannot yet comprehend how important he is to him, how far Derek would go for him, is probably the thing he regrets the most.

He looks at Paige’s sleeping form to his side, calm and peaceful, the epitome of how a person who’s content and has figured out what they want out of life would sleep. He doesn’t want to ruin that for her, he really doesn’t. He just… He’s had enough of trying to hold himself away from Stiles. He can’t and doesn’t want to anymore. He kept telling himself that he needs to do this the right way, keep everyone happy, but it seems that if he goes on like this he’ll hurt Stiles irreparably. He could see it in Stiles’ eyes earlier when he thought that he was a nuisance in Derek’s perfectly ordered life. He still can’t tell, Derek hasn’t let him know, that he  _ is _ his life.

Derek pushes the sheets aside and gets up. He tries to navigate himself inside the darkness as soundlessly as possible.He doesn’t know why he’s being so careful. If his sisters or Paige saw him he could just say that he’d been meaning to go to the kitchen to get some water. Maybe he’s ashamed; ashamed of what he’s going to do even though he doesn’t know exactly what that is. He has no clear plan as he moves, step after step, towards Stiles.

Standing outside the boy’s door, he can hear him pacing up and down. He can sense him waiting. Is he waiting for him? The moment Derek sets his hand on the door handle the pacing stops. He slowly opens the door to reveal Stiles, standing on the other side of the room. The only source of light is the old fashioned lamp on the nightstand and the phone charging right beside it.

Derek doesn’t know what he expected but Stiles’ face to light up with relief was not it.  The second the door closes behind them, Stiles has already captured him into a tight hug. And Derek suddenly feels light and happy like never before. He almost forgets that the rest of the world exists. Now the whole world is the two of them, standing wrapped around each other into this tiny room. This can’t be wrong. Derek thought that it would _ feel _ wrong but it doesn’t.

‘’You came.’’ Stiles says against his ear. ‘’I knew you would. I mean... I  _ thought _ you would but then I wasn’t so sure.’’

‘’I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.’’ Derek keeps repeating, again and again, while spreading kisses across Stiles’ face, making him smile.

‘’For what?’’ The boy finally asks with an amused expression.

‘’For… for not making sure you knew…’’

‘’Knew what?’’ He asks,now curious.

‘’How much… How much I…’’

Derek isn’t sure what he wants to say. He doesn’t know if there are words that can describe how he feels about Stiles. How does one feel about the person that awoke their soul when they thought they had lost it forever? About the person that makes you want to thank the universe and every god in existence for bringing them to you and helping you understand that you don’t have to keep pointlessly going through the motions…That there is meaning.

Frustrated that he can not find such words, Derek does the only thing he can think of. He surges forward and kisses Stiles with everything he’s got.The boy reacts with surprise at first but then returns the kiss enthusiastically. Derek can’t help but reach under the cotton jumper to find warm skin. He gently caresses  the boy’s sides, thumbing on the edge of his hip bones, and is pleased when he feels him shudder beneath his touch. He breaks off the kiss and stares into Stiles’ eyes. He needs to make sure that he wants this as much as Derek wants this. He thinks he knows the answer when the boy hesitantly messes with the elastic end of his sweatshirt to then slowly take it off. Derek’s breath catches when Stiles drops the sweatshirt on the floor and exposes his neck to him. He sets his fingers on the boy’s exposed jugular, feeling his pulse, and then slowly drags them down to his chest, and across the bumpy path of his ribcage, for them to finally end up on the still small, well rounded swelling of his stomach, firm and tight under his hand. Derek leans in and brushes his lips across the set of freckles decorating the beautiful neck.

Stiles presses his body against him, wrapping his arms around Derek’s waist. ‘’That’s...wow...That feels nice.’’

‘’God, your scent…’’ Derek says while still mouthing against the creamy, smooth skin.

‘’Is it… is it good?’’ Stiles ends the question with a groan when Derek’s hands move to cup his ass and bring them even closer.

Derek smiles and nods. He starts pressing small kisses on Stiles’ lips as he slowly leads them towards the bed behind them. ‘’It’s one of a kind, baby. I could follow it anywhere, through time itself.’’

Stiles lets himself be guided and when his legs find the edge of the semi-double bed he sits down and backs off to settle on the right side, against the pillows. Derek takes off his own t-shirt and moves to take his place next to him. Sitting side by side on the bed, with next to no space between them, the air gradually changes; it starts feeling awkward.  Derek tries to say something but then Stiles sets a hand on his abdomen, letting it wander right above the elastic band of his pants, and closes in to leave quick, soft kisses on his cheek, on his neck and when finally his mouth finds Derek’s nipple, hesitantly playing with it with the tip of his tongue, things get right back on track. Derek pushes gently Stiles back down on the mattress, covering him with his whole body. He kisses him like he’s never kissed him before; he loses himself in the heat of his perfect mouth, breaking away just to marvel at the sight of his wet and abused lips.

He is painfully hard. He’s rubbing himself against Stiles’ thigh desperately trying to find some relief. His hand wanders down to Stiles’ crotch and gives it a squeeze to find out that he is also right there with him. He drags the boy’s pants down to the point above his knees and he feels his mouth water as he sees the wet patch on the middle of his tight, grey briefs. He gets on his knees and as he bends down, letting his mouth hover over the fabric covering Stiles’ bulge, he feels the boy’s hand curling around the back of his neck, stopping him.

Derek sits back up. ‘’Is everything okay?’’ He asks Stiles, worried.

‘’Yeah… It’s just… I’m just…’’

‘’Nervous?’’ Derek offers. Stiles smiles shyly and nods.

‘’A little. I’ve… I’ve never done anything like this before. With anyone.’’

‘’You are…?’’

‘’Yes. You are-  I mean you will be… my first. So just… just go slow, okay?’’ He asks, now even more obviously anxious than before.

‘’We don’t need to do anything if you don’t want to.’’

‘’No! I want to. I want it to be you.’’

Derek smiles. He sits back against the board and takes Stiles’ hand in his.

‘’It will be. It can happen tonight, tomorrow or in two years and it still will be me.’’

Stiles takes a deep breath and pushes down his briefs. ‘’Tonight,’’ he says decisively.

Derek leans in and captures his lips. When the boy seems to relax against him, he drags his hand down to wrap it around his dick. A beautifully shaped dick admittedly.

He tries not to go too fast or too hard. He strokes Stiles in what he would think as a gentle, pleasurable pace, always gazing into his eyes to follow his reactions. He’s dying to kiss him again but he doesn’t want to ruin Stiles’ masterpiece of an ‘’o’’ face.

‘’I'm-I’m… oh wow...yeah, like- like this… I’m afraid this won’t last long.’’

‘’That’s more than okay,’’ Derek says, brushing his lips on Stiles’ clavicle, ‘’you can come whenever you want. Do you want me to go faster?’’

‘’No, no...slower...together.’’

‘’Okay…’’ Derek takes his hand away and stares at Stiles, thinking... ‘’What about we… uh... Would you like to turn around, lie on your side for a bit?’’

Derek’s words push Stiles’ heart into an overdrive but he turns around anyway. Derek lies by his side and lets his hand travel across the young, beautiful body. From his shoulder blades to the small of his back and finally on his gorgeous ass.

‘’This won’t hurt. I promise.’’ He whispers into Stiles’ ear as he lowers a bit his own pajama bottoms to free his erection. The boy’s heartbeat calms down, trusting in that promise. Derek is overwhelmed by his trust. He feels so lucky to have it. Stiles chose  _ him _ to be the first that would touch him like that- make him feel like that.

Derek parts Stiles’ asscheeks and traps his dick between them. He rubs the head against the inviting hole, revelling in the encompassing wetness. Derek has never been with an Omega before so many things are new for him too.

By the way that Stiles is clutching the sheets and starts moving his ass to match Derek’s own movements, it seems that he’s enjoying it just as much. He stops mid-moan to half turn and grasp the back of Derek’s neck and Derek closes in to swallow the rest of the sound.

‘’Touch m...mmmmh..oh fuck… Touch me, touch me,’’ Stiles begs. Derek puts a hand around Stiles’ hard on and starts stroking him again. His own dick though is still craving for warmth and friction. Unable to keep Stiles’ cheeks parted, he does the next best thing. He guides his dick into the tight space between the boy’s soft thighs, nudging all the way forward, the tip of him setting fittingly against Stiles’ balls.  Stiles starts jerking into Derek’s fist ,shifting his thighs around him at the same time. It’s very probable that Derek will be reaching nirvana in the next few seconds.

Derek speeds his hand up, sensing that Stiles gets closer and closer. Stiles moans are getting louder and despite being at the point where, body and mind, he is only seeking the relief of his upcoming orgasm, Derek starts getting anxious.

‘’Baby, try to be quiet, okay? They’ll hear us.’’ He dips down to kiss the nape of Stiles’ neck as if trying to apologize for asking that of him. Stiles nods and drops his head down to bite on the edge of the pillow, muffling the sound of his panting.

It takes only minutes before Stiles starts coming, his arms hugging the pillow desperately. His thighs tense, squeezing  around Derek’s dick making him see stars. His hips pick up speed and he leans down to set his teeth on Stiles’ shoulder, biting there softly, as he comes too.

‘’Are you okay?’’ He asks as the boy settles back down on the pillows and his breathing turns back to regular again. When Stiles doesn’t reply immediately,  and just keeps staring absently right ahead, Derek becomes anxious. He sits up and gets closer to the boy, his hand automatically settling on his belly.

“Stiles, are you okay?” He asks again. “Did I do something? Do you not feel well?”

Stiles’ expression changes, looking as if he suddenly woke up from a deep dream. He turns to look at Derek with a sweet grin on his face.

“I’m great. Don’t worry. I’m just… I’m processing. I’ve been thinking about- well-   _ this  _ for quite some time, believing it would never happen and now…”

“It happened.” Derek says with a grin to match Stiles.

“Are  _ you _ okay with this?” The boy asks, the doubt evident on his voice.

“Yes. I know what I want and who I want, Stiles.”

“Right.” Stiles says, nodding with understanding. Then he seems to think about it for a second. “You mean me, right? It feels like you mean me but I just thought I’d doublecheck... “

Derek smiles fondly as the boy starts rambling and leans forward to take him in his arms and kisses both his red cheeks. “Yes, baby, I mean you. I always mean you.”

Stiles ,pleased, relaxes into Derek’s hug.

“Why don’t you go take a hot shower?” Derek suggests, pointing to the adjoining bathroom. “I’ll take the sheets to the laundry room and then I’ll go to the kitchen. I’ll fix you something to eat.”

“Mmh… I don’t think I can eat right now. Some warm milk might be good though. I’m still a bit on edge.”

“Milk it is.” Derek says as they break away so that he can get up.

“Are you sure you don’t need to get back to bed?” Stiles asks, pulling up his briefs and pants that had ended up tangled around his ankles. “With Paige I mean.”

He still doesn’t understand.

“I’m not leaving you, Stiles.” He explains.

“What will you say?”

Derek shrugs his shoulders and helps Stiles get up so that he can rid the bed of the dirty linen.  “ Not sure. Probably that I woke up really early and couldn’t get back to bed? It’s been happening a lot lately. Me shifting in the middle of the night and running off.”

He doesn’t say it’s always Stiles’ house he’s running to. But maybe Stiles knows.  Maybe he's known everytime that Derek stood under his window and  he didn’t want to acknowledge it to make it easier for the both of them.

Derek gathers the linen in his arms and moves towards the door.

“Derek…” He hears Stiles call his name and stands still. “You meant to tell me something before... “

Derek turns to look at him, eyes narrowed with confusion. “When?”

“ Before. You said you wanted to make sure I knew something… Will you tell me now?”

“But...you know. You  _ must _ know it now.”

Stiles sighs and takes a few careful steps towards Derek, getting close enough to back him against the door.

“ Pretend that I don’t and  _ say _ it... Please.”

“I wanted you to know how much I... “  

“Yes?”  Stiles waits patiently for Derek to find the words, his expression a mix of hesitation and hopefulness.

Derek smiles and takes Stiles’ hand into his. “How much I love you.” He says finally. He still doesn’t think the words are right. They are not enough and they will never be. But he feels better- lighter after he’s said them.

Stiles’ mouth opens in surprise as if he didn’t really think Derek would say anything. He tries to reply but his voice doesn’t seem to want to co-operate, the words come out unfinished. Eventually he gives up trying and throws himself on Derek, wrapping his arms tightly around his neck, hiding his face on the crook of his shoulder.

Derek doesn’t leave the room for another ten minutes.

* * *

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- The events in this chapter were actually the first i came up with and why i wrote this whole fic.  
> -I don't know what you thought was going to happen to Stiles after where we left off at the last chapter but If i judge by the comments you were very anxious about his fate! No need, no need. My boy will get his happy ending.   
> \- Next up, someone's waiting for Derek in the kitchen! Ooops.


	10. A Stroke of Luck?

When Derek leaves the room he’s most definitely riding high. All the worries and second thoughts he was carrying inside him when he left Paige in their bedroom to go find Stiles are now gone. He knows it won’t last forever;that every single bit of hesitation and guilt will come back to hit him even harder than before. But right now he can’t find it in him to care, this has been the happiest and most intense night of his life. If he could have one wish right now it would be to make this night longer so that he and Stiles could be with each other- _just_ each other - while the rest of the world is still and asleep.

He throws the used sheets in the washing machine where there are already a bunch of whites and then he turns on the rusty sink of the laundry room to rinse off the traces of what expired before. He needs to shower like yesterday but taking care of Stiles is his first priority. He’s been imagining a moment like this for what feels like forever; he and Stiles sharing the same space, Derek making him feel good… And now it’s finally happening.

Derek starts the washing machine and hastily runs up the stairs to go fix Stiles’ milk. He is surprised when he sees light coming off the kitchen, lighting up the dark corridor. His step slows down as he gets closer. He’s not nervous - not exactly… He just thinks of Stiles, alone in the room, waiting for him. Waiting for Derek to stand up for him, to not disappoint him. Will Derek be able to measure up? Has he ever?

He enters the room to find Laura sitting at the table. She’s staring at the half finished cup of tea in front of her and doesn’t utter a word when Derek first comes in.The cold silence presses on Derek’s chest like a suffocating weight. He doesn’t try to break it though, waiting for his sister to choose how she wants to approach the conversation. He opens the fridge and takes out the milk carton, setting it on the bench. Ηe places a small pot on the stove and pours the milk in to let it warm.

‘’ Have you lost your mind?’’ Laura finally says, her voice calm and almost empty of emotion.

Derek sighs. He opens the cupboard, looking for a mug, keeping his back turned on her. ‘’Do we really need to talk about this now, Laura?’’

‘’Better now, before it’s too late. You have to start thinking about the consequences of your actions.’’

‘’I’ve not been doing much else, you know.’’ He turns off the stove and fills up the mug with hot milk, adding a spoonful of honey.

‘’Really?’’ His sister asks in a tone that suggests that she truly doubts that. ‘’You’re not even _trying_ to be discreet, Derek. What if Paige had seen you go into the kid’s room like I did? What would you have done then?’’

At last Derek turns around to face her, his arms crossed defensively across his chest. ‘’I don’t know, Laura.Maybe it would have made things easier.’’

Laura, whose attitude has been inexplicably cool up to this point, stares at him as she’s examining the possibility to have him committed.

‘’You are _not_ thinking of ending it with Paige because of the boy.’’

When he remains silent, his sister gets up and moves to stand in front of him and look him straight in the eye. ‘’Paige is family, Derek. Whatever attraction you might feel towards this boy cannot erase years of history. You found happiness with her, don’t forget that.’’

‘’I forget nothing.I would never ruin what I have with Paige for a simple attraction. I am not this fickle-minded and I am not this selfish, okay?’’

Ηis sister’s eyes gaze at him evenly, trying to decipher his words. ‘’Are you trying to say you’re in love with the kid?’’ Her question is dripping with disbelief.

Derek resists the urge to go into argument mode, the tone of her voice rubbing him in the wrong way. He doesn’t want to fight. If there is one person that he’d like to have on his side in this whole situation it’s her, his big sister. So instead of saying something he’d regret and that would lead them nowhere, he grasps her gently by the shoulders, his body language begging for her to understand him.

‘’Laura, if you could only feel the way I feel right now…’’  

If she only could then she’d understand that Derek is not torn nor fighting some dilema. The choice is clear. It is and always will be Stiles.

Laura’s expression softens but instead of understanding, her face betrays pity. ‘’You can’t trust the way you feel right now, little brother. It’s still too early, okay? And sometimes… well… sometimes you can’t see things as clearly as it’s needed…’’ She speaks the last bit hesitantly but by the way she looks at him, it’s not difficult to tell she’s trying to communicate something she thinks is important.  

Derek reads behind her words in an instant. He drops his hands and backs off, hurt and disappointed. ‘’I can’t believe that you bring Kate into this conversation.’’

‘’I didn’t…’’

‘’Yes, you did!’’ He yells, unable to contain the sudden anger that’s taken over him. Not so much because Laura made him remember a time with _her,_ pushing him to relive all the pain and the betrayal,  but because she implied that Stiles could be anything like that woman.

‘’Okay, okay,’’ she admits, lifting up her hands placatingly, ‘’but am I wrong? Do you forget what happened the last time you got blinded by your feelings? That woman dragged you away from your family, isolated you, and then disappeared from your life the moment she found out you were sick. She _broke_ you, brother and it was Paige that picked up the pieces.’’

Derek closes his eyes, trying to calm his breathing down.

‘’And what do you suggest, Laura? How many years of regret have to go by before I can finally trust people? How many years before I am allowed to exercise my judgement?’’

‘’I was not trying to bring back bad memories, Derek. All I’m saying is that what you have with Paige is good and real.’’

‘’I _can’t_ continue being with Paige just because our relationship is comfortable and safe. Or because I got hurt in the past. We both deserve more. You’re convinced that what I have with Stiles can only lead to an unavoidable tragic end but it won’t. But you know what? Even if being with him ends up in heartbreak, it still won’t hurt as much as not being with him. Can you at least try to understand that?’’

Derek grabs the now lukewarm mug and starts walking away. Before he disappears through the door he stops but doesn’t turn to face her. A part of him still wants to fight to make her understand, to ask her to stand by him. But right now he feels like all his energy has abandoned his body. He wants to go to Stiles, he wants to feel like himself again.

‘’I know Paige is family and that you all love her. Please understand though that now Stiles is also part of _my_   family at least and treat him accordingly,’’ he says before he leaves her behind.

* * *

 

Derek gets in the room to see Stiles covering the bed with new sheets. He looks content and comfortable and honestly that’s all Derek cares about. He wants a lifetime of watching Stiles with damp hair and loose fitting nightclothes getting ready to slip into their bed.

The boy looks up and smiles at him.

‘’Ηey there. I was getting a bit worried for a moment. What took you so long?’’ He sits down on the bed and pats the spot next to him. Derek offers him the mug which Stiles accepts gratefully and settles by his side, helping him to get under the blanket.

‘’Laura was in the kitchen. We- uh- talked…’’

‘’Is everything okay? Are we in trouble?’’  The boy asks, suddenly anxious.

Derek leans in and kisses him tenderly on the cheek. Stiles huddles closer and he wraps his arms around the boy, trying to reassure him.

‘’You are not in trouble. What happens between me and you does not concern my sister.’’

‘’I don’t want your family to hate me.’’

‘’They won’t. They have no reason not to love you.’’

Stiles takes a small sip of his milk and turns to look at him thoughtfully. ‘’They love Paige, she’s like a sister to them. And I can see why. She’s kind and funny and then… you and her. I have seen you two together. You look perfect for each other. Happy. Your family won’t understand why you would pick me over her. I barely understand it myself to be honest.’’

‘’It’s because you’re looking at it like my sister does. What’s more logical, more familiar.... But… all _I_ know is that after the disease part of my life was over and I was well again, i felt like... like everything had quieted down inside me. It was a horrible feeling and I was desperately looking for ways to make up for it… To make things matter again. And then I saw you in that street and I know  it was just for a few seconds and I sound ridiculous but it was like someone   _kicked_ me in the stomach...’’

At that Stiles lets out a small laugh of surprise. ‘’And that’s… good?’’ He asks, arching an eyebrow.

Despite the boy’s amusement Derek remains serious and simply nods. ‘’When you’ve been walking around half asleep for so long sometimes a kick in the stomach can do you a world of good.’’

He wraps his arms even tighter around Stiles but the boy gently extracts himself so that he can turn around and face Derek. He considers Derek for a few moments, weighing his words, preparing for what he is going to say next.

‘’I know we haven’t talked a lot about the time you were sick and we really don’t have to if it’s something that upsets you… But i kind of think about it a lot- about how it would have been if I had met you earlier. I keep wishing I could have been there for you.’’

Derek, with a fond grin on his lips, takes the mug off the boy’s hand and leaves it carefully on the night table. He drags himself a bit forward and lets his hand rest on the side of the boy’s neck. Stiles leans eagerly into the touch.

‘’We all wish that the good things in our life had happened earlier. In the end though I think that everything happens right when it needs to. What I really wish is that- that I could have known. Everything would have been easier if I _knew_ that somewhere along the way I would meet you.’’

It’s not hard for Derek to read Stiles’ response to his words. He has the same expression on his face as when Derek finally admitted he loves him. It is a look of joy for sure but also of clear astonishment. All these must have been way more than what the boy expected for Derek to be willing to give. Since the first moment they met Derek’s been reserved, continually changing his behavior from hot to cold. Instead of working hard to build bridges of communication, Derek was trying exhaustively to set limits and barriers. It’s only logical for Stiles to be wondering what changed, what was the final stroke that broke the dam down... But Derek’s still not ready to tell him. He’s afraid that the second the information about the paternity of their child gets added into the equation what they feel and what they are to each other won’t be as clear and uncomplicated as right at this moment.

Thankfully Stiles doesn’t ask. Not yet. He just smiles and accepts everything and leans in to bring their foreheads together.

‘’What are we going to do?’’ The boy asks.

Derek shuts his eyes and sighs deeply. ‘’ As little damage as possible.’’

* * *

Paige wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, exactly as she did the day before and the day before that.  Because Derek is not there.

Again.

It’s been happening a lot lately. Every night she can sense him lying wide awake, restless next to her until she drifts off to sleep and then on most of those nights she will hear him slipping out of their room and into the dark. Hours later he’ll come back sleep deprived and with dark circles under his eyes, smelling of dirt and sweat and pine leaves. She’s thought about following after him. She’s thought about letting her white tiger take over so that she can run next to him, see if she can calm him down. But she’s not sure if that is what Derek wants. Maybe he just needs to be alone; to run mindlessly among the woods until the thoughts that drag him down can wash away.

Today she finds him in the kitchen with the pregnant omega, Stiles. He doesn’t smell like forest or distress. He is fresh from the shower and even though he doesn’t look rested he seems relaxed. There’s an array of empty orange shells on the bench close to the sink and the whole room smells like toasted bread. Αs she goes through the door she sees Derek setting a glass of orange juice in front of Stiles who picks it up immediately and drinks almost all of it in one go. The boy then focuses on the plate in front of him and starts scarfing down its contents, stuffing his mouth with impossibly big bites of  both his bread and omelette. The whole thing looks a bit comical.

And Derek laughs.

It’s a beautiful, honest laugh that Paige never heard before this moment. She loves it. She loves seeing him so full of life. She’s always wondered how Derek might have been before he got sick and she thinks maybe that’s a rare glimpse of Derek’s past self. Her heart aches when she sees _that_ Derek disappear the second his eyes meets hers. He keeps smiling but it’s not the same. It’s a front- a mask struggling not to fall into pieces.

She goes to sit at the table, opposite to Stiles and grabs a green apple from the fruit bowl at the center, biting into its hard, cool flesh.  

‘’Good morning.’’ Stiles says to her . He’s stopped eating. He just sits straight in his chair, completely still, looking directly at her as if he’s waiting for something.

Paige smiles and swallows hastily. ‘’Good morning. Are you two all ready for work?’’

The time is barely seven and yet the both of them are already dressed up and their jackets are left sitting on the stools next to the kitchen island.

Stiles turns to Derek, expecting him to answer for the both of them.

‘’Yeah,’’ Derek says, ‘’after the big storm yesterday the roads might not be in the best condition. It’s best that we start a bit earlier.’’

‘’Okay…’’ Paige doesn’t really understand the hurry. The drive to the magazine is maximum twenty minutes and it’s not as if the world is going to end if they get there a bit late. Of course she’s not going to argue about it at seven o'clock in the morning.

‘’Are the girls coming with?’’

‘’No. Cora will be flying later in the day to San Francisco to visit our mom. Laura’s already left.’’

_Well, that’s odd. ‘’_ She’s gone? Did anyone actually get any sleep last night?’’

Paige chuckles and expects Derek and Stiles to also have a quick laugh and reply to her with some equally lame ‘’aiming to be funny’’ response. She gets awkward silence instead. Stiles smiles weakly as if he’s humoring her and then probably checks the time on his phone because he immediately picks up his plate and stands up.

‘’We better get going.’’ Derek tells her as Stiles rinses his plate.’’What are you doing today?’’

‘’Nothing special. I’ll just meet with a bunch of my students to go over their applications for some music programs. But that won’t take long. Do you want to meet for lunch?’’

‘’We’ll talk.’’ He says, hurriedly putting on his jacket. Stiles moves to grab his hoodie but Derek grabs it first and helps him put it on. ‘’There’s a plate with eggs and bacon in the microwave. I kept it for you.’’

‘’Thank you, babe.’’  She gets up to go kiss him goodbye but he’s already ushering Stiles through the door.

Suddenly Paige feels anxious. She can’t pinpoint a reason other than that everything feels off today. It’s as if something changed- as if their world re-arranged in some way during the night and she missed it.

She walks up to the window to see Derek’s car back out of the garage. Stiles gets in the front seat and Derek immediately leans in to put the safety belt around the boy before they drive away.

Seeing Derek so protective and so eager to take care of the pregnant omega confirms Paige's belief that the reason Derek’s been so troubled lately is probably because of the surrogate’s miscarriage. She’s only thankful that the beta’s pregnancy was not so far along, otherwise she suspects that Derek’s pain would have been paralyzing.

She hopes that with time Derek will recover and be positive to the possibility of trying again. Maybe when this happens the timing will be right and she’ll too be in a good enough place to get involved in the process. They’ve not discussed it yet but when she considers about how a happy future would look like, Derek...a family with Derek... is what she thinks of.

She wonders if he thinks the same. Is she Derek’s happy future?

* * *

‘’That was wrong.’’

Stiles feels sick to his stomach.  His chest hurts. He rolls down the window to let the cold wind hit his face and even then it feels as if the air doesn’t reach his lungs.

‘’I know.’’ Derek says. He has a solemn expression on his face and his fingers are almost white from gripping the wheel so tight.

Stiles shakes his head. ‘’No, no. You don’t know. I thought… I thought that if I was with you then I wouldn’t care about how and in what way. That I wouldn’t care about who gets hurt… But… that’s when I thought that _I_ would be the one getting hurt. Paige does not deserve this.’’

‘’Stiles, I know. How do you think I feel right now?’’

‘’Well, _I_ feel like we’re horrible people. That’s how I feel.’’

‘’Paige is a big part of my life… I never meant to go behind her back. This wasn’t how I wanted to do this.’’

‘’I know Paige is important to you. I know that you didn’t mean to do her wrong. You’re a good person, Derek, but we need to fix this.’’

‘’We will. I will clear everything up, I swear.’’

‘’When?’’

‘’Soon. As soon as possible. But... ‘’

‘’But what?’’

Instead of answering directly, Derek stops the car on the side of the road. Stiles turns around as much as the belt allows him to see Derek stare at him intently. There’s worry in his eyes, there’s fearfulness,  and at once Stiles’ heart burns to ease it.

‘’I didn’t mean to put you on edge,’’ he says, covering Derek’s hand with his. ‘’I just…’’

‘’You know I love you, right?’’ Derek asks, taking Stiles by surprise.

‘’I do… You said it and I believe you. The situation with Paige doesn’t change that.’’

‘’And do you trust me? Even a little?’’

‘’Derek, I trust you a lot. Why are you asking me this?’’

‘’Because... before I clear up the situation with Paige, I need to tell you something… Something important.’’

‘’Then tell me. What are you afraid of ?’’

‘’I don’t want to lose you.’’

Derek’s words make Stiles stop and think. He can feel the other man’s nervousness coming off in waves. Derek’s genuinely afraid that what he’s going to say is going to put their relationship to a test. And Stiles can’t think why. He can’t think of anything that Derek could possibly say to him that would make him not want to be with him. They’ve known each other for so little. How could there already be skeletons in their closet?

‘’Just tell me, okay? I can’t imagine what you want to say to me so I can’t give you guarantees about how I’m going to react. But if you risk it...if you also find it in you to trust in what I feel about you, then… maybe we’ll come stronger out of this.’’

Derek nods. ‘’Maybe…’’ He takes a deep breath. ‘’Hopefully.’’

With that he starts the car again.

Now that Stiles is calmer and can focus a bit better on his surroundings, he can see that they are not following the usual route to work. They’re almost at the border of the town. Before he can ask Derek where they’re going, they’ve already passed the sign indicating that they’re leaving Beacon Hills.

* * *

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  


	11. Inevitable?

Stiles thinks he should have been downright nervous by now. After Derek’s ominus words about them needing to have a talk and his seemingly spontaneous decision to drive away from Beacon Hills, he should have been at least a little bit on edge. He’s not though. He’s not affected by Derek’s silence or the fact that for the first time since Stiles met him his eyes are shining red, confirming that every part of his wolf is finally back. 

Stiles is calm because this is Derek and he trusts Derek. He knows that in the end it will be okay.  _ They _ will be okay.

‘’Aren’t you curious to know where we’re going?’’  Derek asks after a while, having also thought that Stiles would be more resistant to the idea of leaving the town behind them. 

Stiles throws him an incredulous look.‘’Have you met me? Of course I’m curious. But I’m a bit more curious about why we need to expatriate to have a simple conversation.’’

Derek doesn’t answer immediately. His eyes find the rear view mirror and he flinches in surprise when he notices the bright crimson coloring his irises. Stiles watches as speckles of Derek’s familiar tones of various greens and gold are fighting to take over and slowly they do. 

‘’I wish it were a simple conversation,’’ he finally says,’’ it’s not though. And I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you - god - a lot longer than i should have. But- it’s just... every time I try to figure out how, I start factoring everyone else in… their emotions, their reactions, their opinions... And I just end up feeling paralyzed with fear and stress…’’ 

‘’And you think going away will help?’’

‘’I’m… well… I’m not sure. I hope it will somehow help me maintain the right perspective. I can’t keep forgetting that this is about me and you. No one else. So the others will just... have to wait’’

‘’Back in Beacon Hills.’’

‘’Exactly.’’ 

‘’O.. _ kay _ ?’’ 

Stiles is as expected extremely confused. He still has no clue about what Derek wants to tell him and is obviously so stressed about. But he can’t help feeling a tiny bit amused too. Not by Derek’s unhappiness of course but by his convoluted thought process and weird coping mechanisms. It’s at moments like these that help Stiles come to the conclusion that the concept of the ‘’Real Adult’’, the one who is always calm, collected, prepared, is just that… A concept. We never really grow up.

* * *

 

About an hour into the trip Derek leaves the main road to continue driving on a sidestreet that’s part asphalt and part plain mud. Stiles thinks it could have been worse after the biblical storm last night. 

Derek soon stops the car at the middle of a clearing close to the tree line and they get out of the car.

‘’It’s about a fifteen minute walk from here.’’ He says as he takes Stiles’ hand and leads him into the woods.

‘’What is? May i just say I was not informed that there would be walking involved.’’ 

‘’There is a small, secluded cabin around here. It’s where we bring the children of our family when it’s time for their first run. Maybe even their second or their third, depending on the control they have over their shift. It’s to make sure that no one gets hurt. It hasn’t been used in a while though…’’

_ Yeah… it shows. _ Stiles thinks when they finally get there. The place is giving off a distinct air of abandonment. The window shutters are closed, there’s a rusty, heavy lock on the door and the porch has piles upon piles of brown leaves and dirt.

Derek lets Stiles in and goes in the back to pick up woods from the shed to light a fire.  

The cabin is scarcely decorated but still a very nice and cozy space. There’s a king sized bed, that is now naked of sheets or blankets, a small, seemingly functional kitchen and two big comfy armchairs by the fireplace . There’s even a couple of bookshelves full with worn out paperbacks. 

Stiles settles on one of the armchairs, flipping through an old issue of a film magazine, as Derek tends to the fire. 

‘’Are you hungry? There are some snacks left in the car from my last shop run.’’  

Derek stands up and walks over to the sink to wash off his hands.

Stiles smiles and turns to look at him knowingly. ‘’You mean your secret candy stash, right? You never meant to take those snacks inside the house, admit it.’’ 

‘’Hmmm...maybe. But I’m willing to share them with you. You’re special like that.’’ 

‘’And I appreciate it but there’s no need for that. I’m still full from breakfast and I think little fox here is also covered’’, he says, tapping lightly on his stomach. 

‘’You seem to be certain it’s a fox.’’ 

Derek takes off his jacket and goes to sit on the armchair opposite to Stiles. He looks as if he’s actually waiting for an answer. 

‘’It’s just a feeling, i guess. I mean... I’m not sure what its father is but in my head I always envision a fox.’’

He doesn’t tell Derek about the dreams. He kind of wants to but it’s hard to find the words to describe how they felt and how they affected him. Stiles calls them dreams but he knows that’s not what they were. 

‘’You should know best,’’ Derek tells him with a grin that’s exuding fondness, ‘’you two are as close as it can get.’’ 

Stiles nods in agreement. He lets himself relax, making himself comfortable on the chair, embracing the warmth of the fire. He looks outside the cloudy window and is struck by the beauty of the endless dark green surrounded by the grey skies. 

‘’It’s really nice here. You were right… about the just you and me thing. Shutting off the rest of the world for a while does help.’’ 

‘’I’m glad you like it. I’m glad I got to bring you here. This place is so tightly connected to my childhood. Whenever I think about family, proximity, safety, this cabin and those woods comes to mind.’’ 

‘’Maybe we should come here more often.’’ Stiles suggests. 

Derek’s eyes widen at that and Stiles is afraid he’s overstepped some boundaries. They’ve not even gotten out of the mess they’ve created and Stiles is already organizing little excursions?

‘’I did actually come here very often when I was sick,’’ Derek continues after while, ‘’whenever I was hitting a low point. I would come here and imagine a future where I would be healthy and strong and where I would be able to watch my kids experience the same joy and freedom I once had experienced.’’ 

‘’You want a big family?’’

‘’I want  _ a _ family. I always have. But I was just… never in the right place… or with the right person. And then the disease came and suddenly all felt lost. There was no meaning, no direction… And even later, when I was well again those feelings of emptiness didn’t just disappear. My sense of self remained in some way distorted and I desperately needed to fix it…’’

‘’ Well, these things take time…’’

‘’I know. I know it now and I knew it then. But still… I felt I needed to do something -change the course of things… I wanted to somehow create destiny.’’

‘’I don’t think that’s possible, Derek.’’ Stiles says. He thinks he gets it though. The feeling of remaining stagnant alone is enough to urge someone to do something drastic; something big enough to shake their world around and in that way challenge fate into giving them a new hand of cards. The question is… What did Derek do? 

‘’I think it is,’’ Derek replies, ‘’it just has unexpected results.’’ 

‘’Bad results?’’ He asks, suddenly afraid that Derek’s ended up in some kind of trouble. 

‘’No, not bad at all. Just unexpected.’’

‘’What happened? You can tell me.’’

‘’I… well… I decided…’’ Derek pauses, taking a deep breath. ‘’I decided that I wanted to have a child.’’ 

Stiles can feel his heart stop for a moment. ‘’Is Paige…? Is she pregnant?’’

‘’No. Both me and Paige are reproductively challenged. Due to the treatment,’’ he explains. 

‘’Oh... I’m sorry, I didn’t know that.’’

‘’I decided to use a surrogate.’’

‘’Wait…’’ Stiles has finally started to connect the pieces. ‘’Is this why you were at the clinic? When we met that first day.’’

‘’Yes. I had a beta picked as a surrogate and that was the day they did the procedure.’’ 

It takes a few seconds for Stiles to come to terms with the enormity of this coincidence. If he understands correctly what Derek is trying to say both of them started their journey towards parenthood exactly at the same time point and both of them in unorthodox ways. 

‘’So you’re- you’re going to be a dad. Soon… Wow… Okay...’’

It’s already been difficult for Stiles to imagine a close future with his baby and also Derek in it, especially since his thing with Derek has gone through so many stages... Having to think of a future reality where both he and Derek are newly single parents is well- it’s breaking his mind. 

Derek’s face is doing something strange as if he can’t decide if he agrees or disagrees with Stiles’ conclusions. It makes him feel as if he got really close but eventually missed the point the other man was trying to make.

‘’It didn’t work. The procedure... The beta lost the baby.’’ 

While he’s aware he should act more empathetic towards this information Stiles’ body has started growing tight with impatience. He doesn’t have to imagine how Derek must have felt losing a child he’d been aching to have. He can still remember the sentiments of panic and desperation that had flooded his body when he thought his baby would be taken from him. But the thing is that Derek keeps hitting him with all these new facts and none of them ends up being relevant to what he actually means to reveal to him.It’s admittedly a bit frustrating.

‘’Derek, I keep thinking that I know where you’re going with this and then I keep losing you. Please, stop dancing around the subject. The point of all these was that you wanted to be honest and direct with me. Do it. Tell me.’’

Derek takes Stiles’ hand and kisses his palm and then he holds it tight as if he’s trying to gather courage. Or maybe as if he’s scared that Stiles will run away. 

‘’It didn’t work and it broke me, I was not okay for quite some time. But you kept showing up and making everything a little better and then…’’ Derek pauses and swallows nervously. ‘’ And then I found out that by some improbable twist of fate the person I had fallen in love with-  you, Stiles- had ended up pregnant with my child.’’

It takes Stiles at least two minutes to process what Derek just said. His brain keeps rejecting the information on the ground that it can’t be possibly true. Slowly though, as he takes in Derek’s expression and body stance, how he has been holding his breath since he uttered the words, the sincerity of his confession settles in. 

‘’Stiles, please… Say something.’’ Derek begs anxiously. ‘’This is a good thing, right? You must see it too. Talk to me.’’ 

Stiles opens and closes his mouth a few times, struggling to find his voice. 

‘’I don’t want to,’’ he manages to say, pulling his hand away from Derek’s grasp, ‘’I don’t want to say anything to you. Take me back.’’

‘’No, don’t say this. Please, let’s talk about this.’’

‘’Is this why you brought me here? So that I wouldn’t be able to get away? To force me to listen to your pointless explanations?’’

He looks around and suddenly it feels as if the walls of the cabin are closing in on him. He feels trapped. His fox is itching to take over and aid in his escape. 

‘’Stiles, calm down.’’ Derek says as if he can sense his distress. ‘’I’d never trap you like that. You  _ must _ know that. However many times I played out this conversation in my head and how it would turn out, I never imagined a  scenario where you wouldn’t want to have the conversation at all. Why?’’

‘’Because I’m fucking in love with you!’’ Stiles yells in anger and gets up. ‘’ Like totally, one hundred percent gone on your lying ass. And If I let you talk my idiotic heart will scramble to forgive you. But I don’t want to forgive you.’’ 

‘’I did not lie, Stiles. And I only recently found out myself and just by accident…’’

‘’I assume you found out before last night, right? Before whatever happened between you and me. You let it all happen while keeping me in the dark.’’

‘’I didn’t plan what happened last night. But we both wanted it…’’

‘’ _ That’s _ the point. I wouldn’t want it if I knew it wasn’t real! You absolute asshole!’’ Stiles screams, throwing his hands in the air.

Derek dares to look at him all confused. ‘’It was- It  _ is _ real. I love you. And you _ know _ that’s true. You know that whatever this is has been building up since the first time we saw each other. Before you got pregnant and long before I found out that this is my child.’’

‘’So- huh... you’re saying that the fact that I’m carrying your child didn’t affect your feelings for me at all? Yeah, right…’’ 

‘’I’m not saying that. Of course the fact that we’re having a child together has made my feelings for you  grow tenfold. Of fucking course. But why is that a bad thing?’’

Stiles grabs his jacket from the back of the armchair and puts it on. He tries to zip it up but his hands are still shaking so he gives up. 

‘’Are we going now?’’ He asks, unbending. 

Derek buries his hands in his hair and looks down in deep thought as if he’s searching to find the magic phrase that will make Stiles change his mind. He slowly gives up and stands up, his whole body screaming of dejectedness.

‘’Before we go… I just wanted to say- I am glad it is you. I know that this whole situation turned your life upside down but now I realize that maybe everyone was right when they told me to wait. I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else but you.’’

‘’The sad thing is that if you had just told me when you found out I’d also be glad...Fuck, Derek- I’d be fucking ecstatic it is you. Why didn’t you just tell me?’’

‘’I didn’t want this pregnancy to define our relationship. I didn’t want anyone to think that me and you came to be because of a crazy accident that tied us for life. I didn’t want you to think that either. We would have happened no matter what. However hard I tried to fight it and made excuses for why it shouldn’t happen, I knew. Me and you were unavoidable.’’ 

Stiles crosses his arms across his chest and stares hardly at Derek as if trying to penetrate his thoughts; find out what is true and what is not.  

‘’If you hadn’t found out...are you sure last night would still have happened? Would you still have chosen me over Paige?’’

‘’I want to think that yes, otherwise… it would have been my deepest regret.’’ 

As Stiles predicted, because he knows his stupid self so damn well, in the next moments his mind is yelling for him to stop all these; to run into Derek’s arms, to leave the stubbornness and bitterness behind, to actually get excited about the fact that they’re about to be a family…

In the end though it is the anger and the feeling of betrayal that prevails. He needs time. If he rushes to patch up things with Derek, they may never truly heal from this. 

‘’Take me home.’’ He says and goes for the door, determined to ignore the look of disappointment in Derek’s eyes.

* * *

 

On the way back Stiles keeps his face turned away towards the window glass. The few times he risks a glimpse at Derek he regrets it. The man looks- well...- not good; defeated.

Stiles takes no pleasure from that. His intention is not to hurt Derek. Of course he’s still enraged that he hid things from him, and he will be for  a long time, but Stiles understands how easy it is to fuck up once and then just be unable to get out of the corner you backed yourself into. But Derek can’t expect for them to just continue from where they left of. They are having a child together and that needs to be the priority. It would just not be responsible for them to hastily enter a relationship where feelings and intentions are not clear just for it to collapse later and leave them in a messy situation.

When the car stops in front of his house Stiles opens the door but he can’t make himself climb out. He’s seen Derek hitting a low point, and now he thinks he even knows the reason, and he can see that if he leaves things like that it will send the man into another downward spiral. 

‘’Derek, listen,’’ he says, finally turning to look at him, ‘’the fact that we need to reevaluate what this thing is between us doesn’t mean that I’ve stopped caring about you, okay? I still think you’re a good person. And yes, I am relieved that I will be doing this with you by my side. I am hurt and a bit confused but I’m not planning to take this away from you. This is your child too and we’re doing this together.’’

‘’When will I get to see you again?’’ Derek asks with a cracked voice. His eyes refuse to meet Stiles’. 

‘’Well, I’ll still be coming at work…’’

‘’I meant without having to make up ridiculous reasons just to steal five minutes with you…’’ 

Stiles bites his lip in consideration. He knew what Derek meant, he just doesn’t have a definite answer for him.

‘’Just give me some time, okay? When I am ready I’ll contact you.’’

Derek nods in acceptance. ‘’I love you.’’

_ I love you too,  _ Stiles thinks. But that’s not what he says of course. They would just feel like empty words if he uttered them now. 

‘’We’ve got to get better at loving each other,’’ he says instead before getting out.

* * *

 

Derek didn’t really want to come back home. He feels as if he’s lost an important battle; maybe the most important of his life. He’s trying hard to fight against the painful weight in his chest that’s threatening to tear him down but he doesn’t think he’s succeeding very well. What he really wanted was to keep Stiles in the damn car. As long as he had to. As long as it took for Stiles to believe in him again; to believe that what they have is genuine. But even as his wolf commanded Derek to keep the boy close to him, to never let him go, the logical part of his brain was very well aware that this would be the fastest way for him to lose Stiles forever. There is absolutely nothing he can say that will change the fact that he failed Stiles. He let his phobias, anxieties and second thoughts keep him from being truthful to the person he wants to share a lifetime with. How do you fix that with words? At this point all he can do is be patient; work to damp down the voice in his head that’s begging for him to just  _ do _ something… anything to get him back.

Right now he is mostly grateful that he has the house to himself. He’s not in the mood to interact with anyone and he most certainly is not in a good state of mind enough to engage into another disagreement with Laura. He just wants to hide in his room, to slip under the bed covers and maybe possibly fall into a mini coma. That’s the only way he can think of in order to take a break from thinking and processing unpleasant emotions. 

He only takes his jacket and his belt off before dropping on the soft mattress. He doesn’t bother closing the curtains since the sun has yet to make an appearance. 

He thinks that  maybe he should try to focus his thoughts on the positive aspects of this situation. Stiles, despite all, is willing to let him be involved in raising their child. That’s huge. He and Stiles are going to bring a new human into this world.  

Stiles thinks their child will be a fox and Derek hopes he’s right. He hopes their kid takes everything from Stiles  because he is the most wonderful person he knows. 

Be it wolf or fox Derek will still take the little guy at the cabin when it’s time, to run with the whole pack. He can imagine himself and Stiles running by their kid’s side, helping them up when they stumble, encouraging them to keep going when they get tired...

But will Stiles even want to be there with him? What was his ‘’we’re doing this together’’ really entailing? Maybe he just meant that they could divide their time with their child equally but other than that lead completely separate lives. Derek doesn’t think he can deal with this; Stiles dropping off their child and then going back home to another family of his own… another partner. 

‘’Fuck no,’’ he says actually out loud and turns on his side to stare murderously at the wall. He doesn’t even turn around when the bedroom’s door slowly opens up and someone steps in. 

‘’Derek…’’

_ Paige...  _

_ This won’t end well. _

‘’Derek, honey, what are you doing back home this early?’’ Paige asks. Derek can feel the mattress sink as she settles by his side.

‘’I didn’t feel like going to work.’’ 

‘’Derek, what’s wrong? Are you down with something?’’

She tries to touch his forehead as if to check if he’s feverish but Derek grasps her hand and turns on his back so that he can look at her.

‘’I’m fine. I’m just not in the mood.’’ 

‘’I don’t understand, you seemed okay when you left for the magazine. Did you even get there?’’ 

‘’Paige, please, I don’t want to talk about this. Don’t worry about it, okay?’’

He doesn’t mean for it to sound dismissive. He would never willingly act unkindly towards Paige. But he knows this is how he comes across when he sees her expression darken with confusion and disappointment. 

‘’You promised me,’’ she reminds him, ‘’you said you’d never shut me off again. You have to tell me stuff, Derek. You can’t make me wait on you again while you’re sorting out yet another mysterious internal crisis.’’

‘’Then don’t.’’

‘’Don’t what?’’

‘’Don’t wait on me.’’

That leads Paige to punch him on the shoulder. ‘’Will you stop being a jerk? What’s the matter with you?’’ 

Derek finally pushes the covers away and stands up. 

‘’I’m serious, Paige. Υou need to stop making my problems your problems. Υοu need to start prioritizing  _ your _ happiness,  _ your _ needs.’’

‘’Are you saying I’m suffocating you?’’ 

‘’No! God, no. I’m saying you’re kind and selfless and for some reason you’re always putting yourself second. This is your time too. You need to be happy too.’’

‘’I thought I was. But please go on, perhaps you’ve got some greater insight about how I feel,’’ she counters sarcastically. 

‘’That’s not what I’m saying…’’

‘’I think you’re saying that you don’t know what you want,’’ Paige replies standing up and walking to the door, ‘’ and that you’re not sure what makes _ you _ happy. I had hoped it could be me- that I could be enough... ‘’

‘’Paige, you  _ are _ enough!’’

‘’You know what? You’re right. I shouldn’t keep doing this. Maybe this whole relationship thing is supposed to be easier than what I thought in my head it should be. You have to want to work for this too. So -I don’t know- I guess… You can take your time and if you decide that you actually want to do this… you know where to find me.’’

She seems completely calm as she’s saying all these but despite her solemn expression Derek can hear that her voice is unstable - wavering- and he can see that she’s clenching her fists as if she’s trying to anchor herself. 

‘’Don’t go,’’ he pleads, ‘’let’s talk now.’’

Paige shakes her head. ‘’If we talk now this may not end well. I’m giving you a chance, Derek. A chance to figure out what you want.’’

‘’But…’’ _ I already know what I want _ , is what he tries to say. 

Paige though is already gone.

_ Another mistake.   _

* * *

 


	12. Unavoidable?

Stiles is not certain how Erica managed to drag him to the stores to shop for the baby. She’s probably right that he should have already started getting on it but he’s really not in the right place to be hanging around places full of happy, expecting couples. He knows that he told Derek that he needed time and he  _ knows  _ it is the right decision but his heart doesn’t seem to have gotten the memo; it’s still yearning to be next to him. Every single time he catches a glimpse of him at work, even when he  _ hears _ someone talking about him, his chest burns and his heartbeat struggles to settle on a steady pace. During these painful minutes it feels like he’ll only start breathing properly  when he shares the same air with Derek again. 

Derek of course is not making it easier. He has not pressured him in any way… not really…but it’s obvious that he’s also finding it hard to keep away. Almost every night Derek’s wolf is under his bedroom window looking up and Stiles always means to go down to him and ask him to please stop coming but he’s afraid that Derek might actually listen to him. 

On the nights that Derek doesn’t come, Stiles can’t sleep.

* * *

 

They should be doing this together, Stiles thinks, looking down on the tiny outer space onesie he’s holding in his hands. Derek would be sad knowing he did not get a chance to be there to help pick the baby’s first clothes and items or to at least offer his input. Stiles had taken a photo of a lovely pair of nursery curtains before and he’d been really close to message it to Derek to find out what he thought but in the end he decided against it. 

‘’Will you just pick something?’’ Stiles hears Erica asking tiredely by his side. ‘’The poor infant should have at least one piece of decent clothing when it’s born.’’

‘’I don’t know, Erica… I don’t think I want to do this right now,’’ he replies, leaving the onesie carefully back with the rest. ‘’I just… I hate doing this alone.’’

Erica’s expression softens. ‘’Oh honey, you’re not. I’m here for you one hundred percent. For every step of the way, I promise.’’ 

He gives her a little smile and takes her hand in his in a tight grasp, trying to communicate how grateful he is.

‘’I know and I love you for that. But...well... this is not exactly what I meant.’’

Stiles tries to control the tone of his voice so that the melancholy and the disappointment will not come through. He can see it though in Erica’s suddenly worried eyes that he did a bad job.

‘’Let’s talk.’’ She says, gently dragging him towards the exit of the store. 

A bit later they’re sitting at a small, almost empty cafe, drinking hot chocolate and looking at each other in silence waiting for one of them to break it. Finally Stiles decides to be the one to do it. 

‘’I’m fine,’’ he says, though a bit weakly. 

‘’No, you’re not. And I’m sorry I didn’t notice it earlier, I should have.’’

For a moment Stiles considers trying to convince her that there is nothing wrong going on with him but it becomes clear to him that this is not what he really wants. He doesn’t want to pretend not to be sad anymore. He doesn’t want to keep going through this without support. 

‘’It’s not your fault, Erica. I thought I could handle this myself. It’s just… It’s a bit of a sensitive matter and I didn’t think I should talk to anyone about it.’’

‘’I’m not going to make you tell me, Stiles. But if you need someone to listen to you I’ll do it gladly. Whatever it is… I will not judge and if you need me to keep it a secret I swear I’m not telling a soul. Not even Boyd.’’

‘’I will tell you. I need to tell  _ someone _ and besides my father you’ve been the person that’s stood by me the most in these last months…’’ 

It’s not that Scott or Lydia have not done their best to be supportive but they’ve been away at college for the most part. And the truth is that Stiles kind of counted on that in order to maintain a sense of normalcy for himself. When they chatted he rarely discussed with them about the pregnancy or the baby and they knew better than to push the matter. With Scott and Lydia he could still pretend to be the carefree teenager he was when last summer began. Of course this will not be possible to go on for much longer and in the new reality that will soon come he knows it’s Erica that will be his rock.

‘’This is about me and Derek,’’ he confesses to her, ‘’we are… Ι mean, we  _ were _ a thing… A short lived thing… It got complicated.’’ 

He doesn’t know how he expected Erica to react but to just calmly nod and gesture for him to go on was not it. 

‘’You don’t seem surprised,’’ he notes.

‘’I am a _ bit _ surprised… I was getting the vibe from Derek but I wasn’t sure where you stood on the matter…’’

‘’Really? I was afraid I was being extremely obvious.’’

‘’Nope. Not at all. Especially in comparison to Derek who exhibited teenage crush levels of being the opposite of subtle. He’d come up with absurd reasons to tag along with me when I was visiting your department and then he’d spend like two minutes talking to you and be in an inexplicable high all day long.’’

‘’I think you may be exaggerating a little,’’ Stiles says, even though a part of him is kind of excited to know that Derek’s feelings for him were intense enough that he had trouble keeping up appearances. 

‘’I’m really not,’’ she insists, ‘’I am though quite amazed he actually made a move. I thought Derek and Paige were good -like- rock solid.’’

‘’This is the part where it gets complicated... Uhm...Derek found out that he is actually the father of my baby.’’

‘’Fuck, what the fuck!’’ Erica exclaims, causing Stiles to be weirdly satisfied that he finally got a reaction out of her. 

‘’Yep. Don’t know if you knew Derek was trying to have  a kid via surrogate. Guess how  _ that _ worked out.’’

‘’That’s so fucked up, Stiles. What are even the chances of something like this happening?’’

‘’I’m just lucky like that,’’ he replies sarcastically, ‘’but I guess this is the answer to your question. I mean about why Derek would make a move. It’s because of the baby.’’

‘’What? Why do you think that?’’

‘’It’s a logical conclusion, Erica.’’

‘’Uh...It’s the exact opposite of a logical conclusion. Derek and Paige had a next to perfect relationship. Yeah,okay,  maybe it wasn’t the crazy, all consuming kind of love but Derek was happy and in peace- something he hadn’t been for a quite some time before Paige got in the picture…’’

‘’Because of the disease, that’s what you mean?’’

‘’ Let’s not focus on that,’’ Erica says dismissively, ‘’it’s not the point. The point is that Paige is important to Derek. His family has accepted her as their own, they adore her. Derek would not mess with all that just so that he would not deviate from the social norm.’’ 

‘’The social norm? I’m not following…’’

‘’That is what you’re basically saying, isn’t it? That Derek decided to turn his life  _ and _ Paige’s, a person so close to his heart, upside down just to serve the general idea that people that have a child together should also be romantic partners.’’

‘’Maybe that’s how Derek sees it,’’ Stiles counters, though he knows it cannot be so. Despite all his moments of doubt the one thing he has always been certain of is that Derek is a decent man and he wouldn’t take decisions important enough to change the course of people’s lives just on the basis of what’s convenient.

‘’You can’t really think that. And by the way, I did know about the surrogacy situation - Boyd has trouble keeping things from me. So I also know that Derek had chosen to put this whole ordeal into motion completely separately from Paige; the woman who he then most definitely thought as his life partner. So it’s obvious that those two things are not necessarily connected in Derek’s mind.’’

‘’So what do you think was the reason? Why would he do that to Paige? Hurt their relationship so irrevocably just to be with me who he barely knows?’’

Erica seems to consider his question for a minute. 

‘’Well…’’ She says after a short pause. ‘’ I guess he did it because he couldn’t  _ not _ be with you.’’

* * *

 

Derek can confidently say that this is the first day after quite some time that he is in a relatively good state of mind. Lately he’s been as insufferable as a sixteen year old going through their dark phase. Cora said so and she’s right. 

When he’s at work he tries to appear as professional and high functioning as possible but it all crumbles down the minute he goes home. After that he just makes sure to hole himself up in his room and then proceeds to avoid all social contact. It’s probably for the best though… Everytime that he puts a minimal effort to interact with someone outside the office he gets so easily irritated and for the most irrational reasons so it almost always ends up in a fight. 

It’s not his fault of course. Everyone in his place would be in a pissy mood. It’s not easy being apart from the love of your life and he’s handling it as good as he can. Especially since he has no one he can really talk to about it. Only Laura knows about him and Stiles and she has made it quite clear that she does not support the idea of them being together. She was enraged when she found out what had gone down with Paige… maybe justifiably so since Derek wasn’t even capable to talk openly and honestly with her before she went away. A relationship as positive as theirs should not have ended in a swirl of hurt and confusion.

Today though he feels that even  _ that _ he can fix somehow. Today he feels like he’s running on unlimited energy. What makes today better than the rest of the horrible days that came before is that when he saw Stiles earlier at work the boy didn’t avoid meeting his eyes while Derek desperately tried to keep them on him, he didn’t turn around and pretended he needed to be somewhere else. Today when their paths crossed Stiles’ eyes lingered on him and it seemed like he wanted to come up to Derek and talk. In the end he seemed to decide against it but before he left he smiled at him. 

It literally took one smile and Derek is on cloud nine. This _ has _ to be a good sign, right? 

Everyone at home is surprised when instead of shutting himself in his bedroom, he puts on his running gear and heads out to the forest. 

As he runs through the same path where his steps had led him to the hurt, naked form of Stiles months ago he’s filled with a kind of optimism he didn’t think himself capable for. Fate has done so much to bring them together, it would not let them down now that they were so close. 

When his phone vibrates in his pocket, signaling that a message’s been received,it kind of feels like an answer from the universe. 

It’s from Stiles, asking if Derek wants to be with him at the next ultrasound.

* * *

 

When Derek sees Stiles waiting for him at the entrance of the clinic he can barely contain his enthusiasm. He wants to act casual in order to not freak Stiles out since he’s certain the boy is going to be determined to take things slow, but he’s not sure he’s succeeding. His face hurts from grinning so widely.The second he gets close enough to take in the boy’s comforting smell he’s finally at peace; the cataclysm of bad feelings that had been building up inside him day by day these past few weeks suddenly stops. Derek wants to kiss him but even more than that he wants to touch- to feel the heat of Stiles’ beautiful skin on the tips of his fingers.

‘’Τhank you for letting me be here for this,’’ he tells the boy.

‘’I promised you we would do this together and I meant it,’’ Stiles replies. There is a sort of  formality in the tone of his voice that Derek doesn’t like, it’s perfectly nice and well meaning but it puts a distance between them. He needs their conversations to be like before; open, sincere, affectionate. What can he do to earn that back? He’ll do anything. 

Τhey walk side side through the clinic’s corridors, their hands almost touching, and when they get to the waiting room full of expectant couples Derek’s heart swells with an inexplicable sense of pride. It’s an illogical feeling. People become parents every hour of every day and yet he still feels so blessed that he and the person he loves are bringing a new life into the world.

They sit down and Derek looks around at all the future parents waiting for their turn in relative silence. Of course, in comparison to his and Stiles’s situation it’s a comfortable kind of silence that comes from being with someone you know inside out. He wonders if everyone can sense that the silence between him and Stiles is full of nerves and uncertainty. 

‘’Sorry, you didn’t get to be to the previous appointments,’’ Stiles says.

‘’I’ve been to  _ one _ of them. Do you remember the last time we were here?’’

‘’After the demonstration?’’

‘’Yes…It was then I found out the truth about what had happened. I was standing right out that door, listening to you and our child’s heartbeat… I wish… I wish I had just barged in and told you right there and then.I wanted to...’’

‘’You should have. I wanted you there too,’’ the boy admits, ‘’and It feels good to have you here with me now.’’ 

Stiles smiles at him , even though a bit hesitantly, and Derek finds himself again wholly captured by his presence.Thankfully he has long stopped being surprised by Stiles’ effect on him.When the nurse calls Stiles’ name it’s like he’s being violently dragged out from a state of dreamlike fantasy.

As he helps Stiles settle on the examination table the reality that in a few minutes he’s going ,for the first time, to take a look at his child dawns on him. This moment feels important- sacred in some kind of way. 

The doctor is the same woman they met the last time they were there and she looks at them as if she’s trying to discern what their actual situation is but probably thinks it would be too invasive of her to ask.

‘’Where’s Erica?’’ She asks instead as she applies gel on Stiles’ round belly. 

‘’At home, possibly boiling with anger that she doesn’t get to be here for the ultrasound,’’ the boy replies. ‘’This is Derek, the father. He’s going to be with me in every appointment from now on.’’

‘’That’s great. Good to have you on board,Derek.’’

‘’Thank you, it’s good to be here,’’ he says excitedly.  Absemintedly he reaches out to take Stiles’ hand in his. He experiences a short moment of internal panic, believing he may have crossed some lines, but then he feels Stiles’ thumb lightly caressing his skin and relaxes at once. 

The screen of the ultrasound machine comes to life and the doctor places the transducer on Stiles’ abdomen. Derek looks hard and carefully at the monitor but if he’s being honest he has a hard time understanding what he’s seeing. 

‘’Does everything look okay?’’ He asks anxiously after a while.

‘’Oh yeah, everything looks great,’’ the doctor reassures him. ‘’Good placenta location, no signs of growth restriction… I’m looking at a normal, healthy and extremely active baby.’’

‘’I can attest for the active part. Little dude’s practically a kickboxing champion in the making,’’ Stiles jokes and the doctor looks amused. 

‘’She’s perfect ,you guys.’’

Derek looks at Stiles instantly as they both practically shout ‘’ _ She? _ ’’ in unison.

‘’Oh I’m sorry. Maybe you didn’t want to know yet?’’ The doctor asks apologetically. 

‘’I hadn’t even thought about if I wanted to know!’’ Stiles says, his voice still raised, apparently not having recovered from the shock of the revelation. ‘’Oh my god, oh my god. Derek, we’re having a daughter!’’

Derek has never felt so exhilarated in his life. He wants to get outside, hug every stranger he runs into and make sure all of them know that he is having a daughter.  But he can’t really do that so he ‘’settles’’ for bending down and spreading kisses all over Stiles’ face who starts laughing. 

‘’Thank you, thank you, thank you…’’ He can’t stop saying it to the boy, over and over again.

* * *

 

They get out of the clinic smiling like idiots, surrounded by a cloud of happiness. Derek feels untouchable. He can see the world around him change before his eyes; everything is warmer- brighter. He wonders how he will possibly handle it when his child is actually born. 

‘’Want some?’’ Stiles asks, offering him the plastic cup full with brownie batter ice cream in his hand. 

‘’I can’t believe you made me buy you this. You should be eating healthier now, you know.’’

‘’You’ll let me have this, you sadist,’’ the boy says, pointing at him with his spoon, ‘’don’t think I don’t know it was you who emptied the staff rooms of every piece of junk food…’’

‘’Don’t pretend you don’t like the homemade cereal bars. I’ve seen you eat three in a row.’’ 

‘’I was imagining they were snickers bars. Here,’’ he says, dangling a spoonful of ice cream in front of his face, ‘’have a bit of this and tell me you’d rather have stupid granola bars instead.’’

Derek gives in and takes the spoon into his mouth. It’s  really good as expected but he won’t let it show to his face. He’s not going to give Stiles room for argument despite how much he’s enjoying having little arguments like this with him.

That moment is quickly ruined by a familiar voice calling Derek’s name. 

‘’Derek?’’ 

It’s Paige. She stands right in front of them looking like she’s been struck by lightning.

‘’Paige. What are you doing here?’’

‘’Six month control blood tests. And you?... And Stiles?’’ 

‘’Twenty weeks control ultrasound,’’ Stiles explains with a tone expressing uneasiness. He seems embarrassed.

‘’How are you?’’ Derek asks her.

‘’Confused.’’ She replies immediately. ‘’Can we talk?’’

‘’Uh… Yeah. Would you like to meet up during the weekend?’’

‘’No, I meant right now.’’

Stiles speaks up before Derek manages to form a reply. 

‘’Yeah, I’ll just… I’ll go to leave you guys alone…’’ 

He starts walking away but Derek reaches out and holds him back. 

‘’I thought I was driving you home.’’

‘’It’s fine. I’ll just walk to the station, see if my dad can give me a ride again,’’ the boy replies, refusing to look away from the ground. 

‘’No, Stiles, please,’’ Derek pleads, gently grabbing hold of his chin and looking into his eyes. ‘’We are leaving together, okay? Like we said. Just take my keys and wait for me in the car. I won’t be long.’’

Το Derek’s relief Stiles does take the keys and nods his head yes.  ‘’I’ll wait.’’ 

‘’Derek, what’s going on. I don’t understand,’’ Paige says when they’re left alone. It’s evident from her voice that she’s barely suppressing her anger.

‘’This is my fault. Last time we saw each other I couldn’t explain properly…’’

‘’Are you fucking with me? All this time I’ve been waiting for you to think things through and come talk about our relationship and you’ve been going around playing family with a teenager?’’

‘’This is not what this is.’’

‘’Okay. So you’ve not been going behind my back with Stiles.’’

Derek finally finds himself in the moment he thought would have come weeks ago. 

He takes a deep breath...

‘’It happened just once while we were together…’’

‘’God…’’

‘’ I’m sorry, Paige. I fucked up completely. I meant to tell you but then we broke it off…’’

‘’We did not break it off, Derek!  You went all asshole on me and we took a break until you were ready to talk about what you wanted. I was waiting for a conversation that you apparently had no intention of having. You just… went on with your life.’’

‘’I know I did everything wrong. I’m not even asking you to forgive me. I should have told you immediately when I fell in love. I just thought… I thought I could control my feelings -do right by our relationship. But in the end I couldn’t and everything got out of hand.’’

Paige is listening to all these, open-mouthed and Derek gets the distinct feeling that he’s somehow making everything worse. 

‘’I can’t believe I’m hearing this. Derek, you do understand that this is incredibly insulting, right? You’re saying you were like... pushing yourself to stay in a relationship with me, while in love with someone else, and this is supposed to what? Comfort me? Give you decency points?’’

‘’I’m just saying that you are extremely important to me. Nothing, absolutely nothing, will change that. We met at the worst period of our lives and we stuck by each other’s side… You made everything better when that seemed impossible…’’

‘’Will you stop doing that? Everytime you talk about our relationship as if it was some kind of life raft. It was not like that for me. I fell deeply in love with you and I would have even if we’d met under completely different circumstances.  But apparently for you I was some temporary crutch…’’

‘’Paige, please, don’t think like that...’’ 

‘’Derek, were you ever in love with me?’’

‘’There are many kinds of love,’’ he replies with a soft voice.

Paige lets out a humorless laugh. ‘’You could’ve just said no. In fact, it would have been better if you had said it sooner,’’ she says before she rushes to get inside the building.

* * *

 

Derek finds Stiles sitting silently in the passenger seat of his car.

‘’Sorry about that,’’ he says the moment he gets behind the wheel.

‘’It’s fine, I’m not mad. You don’t need to explain yourself.’’

‘’No, I really do. Please, I can’t have this hanging between us too. ‘’

‘’Okay…’’

‘’I hadn’t seen Paige since the day I took you to the cabin,I swear. But… during my last conversation with her I had a hard time talking to her about us...’’

‘’Is it done now?’’ 

‘’Yes… I mean… She still doesn’t know about the baby but I told her about what happened between us. She knows that I’m in love with you.’’

‘’How do you feel?’’

‘’Relieved. Ready for a new start. With you. Only you.’’

‘’Derek…’’

‘’It’s okay if you’re not ready,’’ he adds quickly. ‘’I’ll wait as long as you need me to. I’m just saying… there’s nothing in the way now, everything’s cleared up.’’

‘’I’m glad.’’

‘’Today was such an amazing day. I hope I didn’t mess it up.’’

‘’You didn’t. It was truly an awesome day,’’ Stiles says and a wide smile appears on his face. 

‘’When do you think that we could… you know…’’

‘’What?’’

‘’Do this again. Something together.’’

The boy side eyes him thoughtfully. ‘’Maybe we could do something now.’’

‘’Now?’’

‘’Yeah. The day doesn’t need to be over. I saw a cool pair of nursery curtains, wanna go check it out with me?’’

Derek can’t answer yes quickly enough.

* * *

 


	13. Written In The Stars?

It takes quite some time before Derek shares the news about him, Stiles and their baby with the rest of his family. This is partly because he and Stiles are still working things out and partly because the boy gets panicky everytime he even thinks about meeting his sisters. He is somehow convinced that Cora and Laura will never embrace him the same way they did with Paige. Derek hasn’t had a single doubt that they will love him but he understands where Stiles’ concerns are coming from. Both his sisters are incredibly bitter about him breaking up with their best friend. Laura, who has always been a master in passive aggressive behaviour, has lately taken it on a whole other level. She gave him a bit of a  break when he was walking around looking beat down but the moment things started looking up between him and Stiles and his mood changed to the better she was back with full force.

When his mother returns to Beacon Hills for the holidays Derek decides that maybe it’s finally time. He keeps agonizing over finding the perfect moment to tell her but as always life has a special way of pushing him into situations he did not plan for.

 During their first dinner together, after his mother has settled back at the house,the subject of christmas day plans comes up and with that which cousins and other relatives will be travelling home to celebrate with them. He sees his sisters, who are sitting next to each other on the other side of the table, look at each other, having one of their ‘’telepathic’’ conversations and he immediately senses that’s something’s off.

 ‘’Mom, Cora and I were thinking…’’

 Derek tenses up the second those words leave Laura’s mouth. He can tell from the way her eyes are avoiding his that she’s up to no good.

 ‘’What were you thinking, honey?’’ His mother asks, though still concentrated on the guest list she’s creating on her tablet.

 ‘’We would like to also invite Paige at the christmas dinner.’’

 ‘’Nope, not happening,’’ he says in a tone that makes it clear that this is not something which is up for discussion. God, why is his own family determined to make his life so difficult? Isn’t he already doing a great job of that himself?

 ‘’If Derek says no, then it is a no.’’

 ‘’Come on, mom!’’ Cora exclaims, apparently refusing to give up so easily. ‘’Paige was not just Derek’s girlfriend, she is also our friend and part of this family. She should be celebrating with us.’’

 ‘’Girls, I love Paige, you know that. And I get that you don’t want to lose her as a friend. It’s far more important to me though that your brother will not be forced into something that will make his christmas miserable.’’

‘’I don’t understand, why would you be miserable?’’ Cora asks, finally including him in the conversation. ‘’There will be like twenty plus people at this thing, you won’t even have to interact with each other. And I mean- it’s been over a month since you ended things, isn’t it time to start repairing your relationship? You won’t be best friends any time soon but there should be a sense of normalcy between you two, Paige won’t just disappear from our lives.’’

 Derek sets his fork back down on the half empty plate and pushes them on the side. Certain that this conversation is about to get a lot more heated he leans forward, resting his elbows on the table and clasps his hands together.

 ‘’Cora, I do hope that me and Paige will reach a point someday where we can happily be in each other’s company. I really, really do. Right now though we are in extremely bad terms. I’m sure you haven’t even discussed this with her first because there is no way Paige would be positive about spending christmas with me in her general vicinity. Unless of course she’s planning on poisoning my eggnog or having that six feet tall christmas tree you bought fall on me.’’

 ‘’Oh-oh. She found out, didn’t she?’’ Laura asks with a small, ‘’you had it coming’’ kind of smile.

 ‘’Found out about what?’’  

His mother instantly looks up from her device with newfound interest. Derek did not expect anything different. His sisters had to have gotten their love for drama from somewhere.

‘’Thank you, Laura. That was quite discreet.’’

‘’Oh, I did not mean for it to be discreet,’’ his sister answers while pointedly cutting her steak apart.

‘’Very well. I was waiting for the right time to tell you this... Uh…there is someone in my life. Paige found out about this in not the best of ways and that’s my fault…But that person- he is very important to me and I hope that you will end up loving him as much as I do. I know that this might take time but that’s okay. Right now all you have to do is respect his place in my world and understand that he will be in it for a long time. Forever actually if I have anything to do with it…’’

 ‘’You’re in love with this person?’’

The way his mother asks him is a bit disbelieving but not unkind. Derek thinks she is surprised to see him being so expressive and so open about his feelings over someone. Even though she has always been fond of Paige and supportive of them being together she knew it wasn’t the kind of love you write stories about.

 He nods yes. ‘’Have been for quite some time.’’

 ‘’Who is he?’’ Cora asks.

 ‘’It’s Stiles.’’

 Cora frowns in confusion. ‘’Stiles wh...? Wait... You mean the pregnant omega you hired at the company?’’  

 ‘’The pregnant _teenage_ omega,’’ Laura adds and then leans back in her chair to see the rest of the show unfold. At this point Derek has to thank his thirty years for giving him the patience and the maturity to not explode with anger right then and there. He doesn’t want this to break up his family. He doesn’t want his relationship with Stiles to come with any negative connotations.

 ‘’Do I know him? I think I’ve heard this name before,’’ his mother notes.

 ‘’He was at the anniversary party. The photographer, ‘’ he explains.

 ‘’Who then very conveniently got hired at the magazine as assistant photographer.’’

 ‘’Laura, for the love of God, will you give me a break here? Stiles is very capable at his job and you know it. I was just trying to help him out.’’

 ‘’Yeah. Because the kid was dumb enough to go get himself pregnant. Tell me something,does he even know who the father is?’’

 ‘’Laura!’’ His mother yells in a warning tone as Derek slams his wrist on the table.

 ‘’Okay, I get it! You are angry. Paige was like a sister to you and I messed up really bad with her. But I am your _actual_ family, Laura! I have never disrespected you the way you are disrespecting me and the person I love right now. Stiles doesn’t deserve this kind of cruelty, he’s been through enough. And yes, he does know who the father of his child is. It’s me!’’

 That last piece of information throws his family into stunned silence.

 ‘’You mean… metaphorically?’’ Cora asks in a puzzled tone.

 ‘’I mean literally. Genetically. There was a mix up at the clinic and- here we are, I guess…’’

 ‘’Well- why didn’t you tell us?’’ Laura asks.

 ‘’You were the first person I would like to have told besides Stiles…’’

 ‘’Didn’t he already... know?’’

‘’That’s not the point,’’ Derek adds hastily, trying to avoid that _long_ conversation for now, ‘’the point is I would have told you if you hadn’t been so black and white about this. You were so quick to tell me you understood my feelings better than I understood them myself and it made me certain you would just rush to explain everything away as a pseudocrush resulting from my emotions surrounding Stiles’ pregnancy.’’

 ‘’That’s not tr...well…maybe that does sound a bit like me,’’ his older sister admits apologetically.

 ‘’But it wasn’t- it _isn’t_ like this. I’ve felt a pull towards this boy since the second I accidentally caught a glimpse of him inside the Beacon Hills traffic. And I thought okay, it’s just an attraction, it happens every day, I will get over it… I haven’t though. I don’t think I will ever get over him because he turned out to be the most beautiful and most courageous person I’ve ever met. ‘’

 ‘’Wow, Der. I mean...he seems cool,’’ Cora comments, ‘’but you clearly got it bad for the dude.’’

 Derek shrugs his shoulders, a crooked, embarrassed smile forming in his lips.

 His mother who seems to be lost for words takes a shaky breath, stands and walks up to him, putting her arms around him.

 ‘’Mom?’’ He mutters awkwardly.

 ‘’I’m sorry, I’m just so overwhelmed. I don’t know what to say really. You are healthy and in love and expecting a baby. Two years ago I didn’t even know how long you would still be here with us and now…’’

 ‘’Mom, please, don’t- don’t think like that.’’

 ‘’No, no. They’re happy thoughts I swear.’’

 Laura clears her throat and Derek looks toward her. He can see she’s trying to hold back tears. ‘’You should bring Stiles home soon, ‘’ she says, ‘’I have a lot of bonding time to make up for.’’

 ‘’Yes,’’ his mother agrees as she releases him from her hug, ‘’I’ve only seen him once and we barely spoke to each other. That’s unacceptable.’’

 ‘’Uhm yeah… I’m not sure if it’s the right time about the ‘’meeting with the family’’ part.  Me and Stiles are still trying to figure some things out.’’

 ‘’Oh well, we can help with that,’’ Cora says as his mother and Laura nod enthusiastically.

 Derek groans and only half jokingly.

‘’I was afraid you’d say that.’’

* * *

When Stiles starts hanging out with Derek’s family it doesn’t go as he expected. He really thought everyone would treat him as a stranger; an intruder suddenly breaking in to mess with the order of their lives. He was wrong though. From day one both Derek’s mother and sisters acted as if they’ve known Stiles for years, helping him adjust to their everyday norms and interactions as smoothly as it could possibly go. It didn’t take long before Laura and Cora started decorating a room in the Hale house to make a nursery for his daughter, often inviting him over to check on the progress and ask for his input. Stiles hasn’t said anything, not wanting to ruin the good atmosphere they easily established, but the nursery thing is stressing him out.

Right now there are two baby rooms in the making. One at his house and one at Derek’s. And even though things between the two of them are getting better and better he still feels uncertain about where they’ll be standing  relationship-wise when their daughter comes and where she’ll get to grow up. He should probably approach the matter at some point but he doesn’t want to press the situation and Derek doesn’t seem to want to do that either.In the meantime he’s enjoying all the little things of the ‘’getting to know each other’’ part that he couldn’t before. The sheer feeling of joy you get when you discover a cute quirk about the other person or that you love or hate the same thing. The inexplicable rush of walking closely by their side, your body being fired up by a magic sort of electricity...Dying to reach out and hold their hand but not knowing if the timing is right and then-  the temporary satisfaction of an accidental touch.

 The one person that is even more stressed than Stiles and not at all on board with all this unclearness is of course his dad.

 Poor Derek.

While Stiles was immediately welcomed by the Hale family, he didn’t have the same luck with Stiles’. Even though his dad was initially a tiny bit relieved to find out that his teenage son will not have to be a single parent and instead will have the support of a mature and financially stable man, everything changed when he understood the nature of Stiles and Derek’s relationship.

In most situations any parent would have been elated if their kid brought a man like Derek home. And even in terms of character Derek would absolutely be the kind of person his dad would easily be friends with. In their case though nothing happens the easy way. His father is smart enough to connect the dots and understand that the period when Stiles was drowning in misery must have something to do with the person he’s very obviously in love with and if that wasn’t enough, anyone could easily deduce that there must be a serious reason for why two people who have feelings for each other _and_ are expecting a child together are still dancing around the subject of a possible relationship and not just going all in.

Of course his father is being a good sport and does everything he can to stabilize the tension between him and Derek but a person always knows when someone genuinely likes them and when they’re just being kind for typicality’s sake.

Almost every afternoon Derek will return Stiles home from work, since everyone nowadays gets a panic attack even at the thought of him getting behind any kind of steering wheel. They will usually all, including his dad, sit down around the table to have dinner and will talk about mundane, safe topics and exchange superficial pleasantries. Every once in a while his dad will mention something about Stiles coming home with the baby and the adjustments he’s making in the house as if daring Derek to say anything different but the poor man will just throw a glance at Stiles, looking like a kicked puppy, and then go on with his meal. And Stiles is always left wondering. What is on Derek’s mind?

This is how it usually goes. But not today. Because today Stiles finally needs to have answers.

‘’Would you like to go shopping for a crib during the weekend?’’ Derek asks innocently, completely unaware of the fact that Stiles is soon reaching his limits.

 ‘’We already have a crib,’’ his father says, without missing a beat and not even looking up from his food. They’re supposed to be spending a casual evening with chinese take out in front of the tv.

 ‘’Derek means a crib for baby room number two,’’ Stiles says while stabbing at his noodles with a little more force than necessary, ‘’nothing about this whole situation has been ordinary so why would we act like normal people about this one thing, right? I mean… it’s good to have alternatives. And why even choose? We can just move the baby around from house to house.’’

 Derek looks between Stiles and his father trying to read the room. ‘’Has something happened?’’

Seeing the man looking totally lost and taken aback makes Stiles understand that he’s being kind of irrational. After all it is him who asked for them to take things slow; for Derek to be patient. And on the one hand he’s thankful to him for respecting his wishes, he’s thankful for the time they’ve had to heal...but on the other hand… It frightens him. What if when he’s finally ready to take the next step, he and Derek are no longer on the same page? The baby is coming soon, shouldn’t Derek be making a move? Or at least stating his intentions?

‘’I thought you needed time,’’ Derek explains carefully,  ‘’I was just trying not to limit your options or pressure you into anything.’’

 ‘’I know, I know… I’m sorry. You’ve been perfect during this whole thing, Derek, really. But the due date is closing in and I’m going into stress mode. The uncertainty is killing me. Will you tell me what are you thinking? What do you want?’’

‘’Uhm… maybe I should leave you two alone…’’ His dad says, leaving the food carton on the coffee table.

 ‘’No, Sheriff, please, you don’t need to leave. You probably share some of the same concerns and I’ve done nothing to address them,’’ Derek says and then turns to look at Stiles who’s sitting next to him on the sofa. ‘’Stiles, what I want is you. It will always be what I want. I thought you already knew that. The question here is what _you_ want.’’

 ‘’Yeah, but- what is the plan?’’ He asks, knowing that in a way he’s avoiding to give a direct answer. ‘’ Where do you see us when the baby comes? I’ll understand if you want to be near your family.’’

 ‘’You are my family. You and our daughter. And we’ll live wherever you want. But... to be honest- I do have some thoughts, I just didn’t want to overwhelm you with them.’’

 ‘’No,please, tell me.’’

 ‘’I’m also interested to know what you’re thinking, Derek,’’ his Dad urges him on.

 ‘’I was not planning on us buying a crib for the mansion during the weekend.’’

 ‘’Sooo… not for baby room number two. Are you telling me there is a secret option number three?’’

 Is Derek planning on them getting their own place? Stiles can’t say that he would be against such a plan. He actually finds the thought ... thrilling.  

 Derek nods yes. ‘’I’ve been looking to buy an apartment close to your campus…’’

 ‘’In Los Angeles?”

 ‘’Yeah.. I’ve been thinking...you’ve stayed long enough away from your studies. You’ve put your whole life on hold to have our child. You don’t need to keep doing this, there are ways for you to have both.’’

 ‘’But… what about your job?’’ Stiles asks, still trying to process what Derek is telling him.

 ‘’I’ve been training Cora to take my place at the magazine. I will take some leave for a while and I’ll stay home with our girl. At least for the first year or so...’’

 Stiles says nothing. He glances over at his dad and is not surprised to find him smiling.

 ‘’Do you want to tell me what you’re thinking?’’ Derek asks, suddenly sounding nervous. Like there ever was a chance that Stiles wouldn’t love everything about this plan.

 ‘’Honestly- I’m… out of words. I think- fuck-  I’ll actually start fucking crying about how perfect this sounds,’’  he says without a hint of exaggeration. It’s a miracle he can still manage to form words and sentences that make any sense. If video game characters were real Stiles thinks that this is how a power up would feel; those few seconds of absolute invincibility.

 Derek grins widely, finally with a relieved expression. ‘’I’ve found a couple places that look great, we could actually plan a trip there next week so that you can see them too.’’

 ‘’Won’t the drive there be too uncomfortable for you, son?’’ His dad asks him.‘’You can’t ride on a plane anymore.’’

 ‘’I’ll be fine. It’ll be great, I swear!’’

 ‘’If you say so. It’s Derek who’s gonna have to listen to you nagging, not me.’’

 ‘’I don’t mind it, sir.’’

 Wow. Derek seems really intent on winning major points with his dad tonight.

 ‘’Well, I guess you’ll have to get used to it. If you are going to live together.’’

 ‘’If Stiles wants me to,’’ Derek specifies. He reaches out and  tentatively puts his hand on Stiles’ knee. ‘’If you need more time I could maybe stay at my mother’s house there for the first few months…’’

 ‘’Okay,’’ Stiles answers quickly without thinking. He can see from the way Derek nods with understanding and immediately turns his body away from his that this is not what he was hoping to hear.

 ‘’Wait- that’s… this is not what I meant. What I meant is- okay, I’ll think about it and we’ll discuss this. Soon, I promise.’’

 Jesus, he’s being such an idiot right now. He’s the one who freaked out on the first place for all their indecisiveness and now it is him who is muddling the waters once again.

 It’s just… Sometimes when you’re one step away from finally having everything you ever hoped for… it can feel scary. Especially when you’ve been burnt once.

 Derek stands up and grabs his jacket from the armchair it was laying on.

 ‘’It’s late. You should rest.’’

 ‘’Will I see you tomorrow morning?’’ Stiles asks in a hopeful tone.

 ‘’Erica will pick you up tomorrow. I’ll be out of town and I’ll probably get back late.’’

 ‘’You should come by anyway. Whatever the time, okay?’’

 ‘’I’ll do my best. Goodnight, Sheriff,’’ he says before he turns to leave.

 ‘’Goodnight, Derek.’’

 Stiles gets up from the couch to follow Derek to the door. He’s not though the master of agility these days so he gets there right when it closes behind the man and he’s just left standing there.

 He feels a hand touching his shoulder and he turns to see his dad giving him a judgy look.

 ‘’What?’’

 ‘’He loves you. And you love him. Why? Why on earth are you complicating your life like this?’’

 Stiles crosses his arms and looks down at his feet.

 ‘’He… broke my heart. He didn’t mean to but he did.’’

 ‘’I know, son. I figured that out. You forgave him though, I can see it. It’s only the fear of heartbreak that’s keeping you from taking the next step.’’

 His father sighs and grabs him gently by the shoulders.

 ‘’Don’t let fear ruin your chance for happiness. Be brave.’’

* * *

Stiles’ eyes keep shutting but he’s struggling to stay awake. He told Derek that he is welcome to come by any time and he meant it. He’s made sure to leave a small light on and his curtains open so that when Derek comes he’ll know he’s waiting for him. He’s been going through the small hours of the morning lost in reddit threads and wikipedia texts and of course taking infinite bathroom breaks since his daughter seems to think of his bladder as her personal kicking bag.

It’s about three o'clock when looking up from the screen of his laptop he sees Derek standing outside the window. Maybe that would have earned him a heart attack if he wasn’t so aware of Derek’s presence literally all the time.  

As Stiles walks to the window to let the man in he allows himself to imagine for a moment a world bending reality where he and Derek met as teenagers and got into the habit of sneaking into each others’ room like highschool couples in teen movies use to do. That certainly would have been a more fun and much less complicated reality. Less drama, more making out sessions behind his father’s back. But he is now determined to focus on the positives here. Whatever the circumstances they _did_ meet and all the powers in the universe _did_ conspire to make sure they would stay together. And thankfully Stiles had to wait a much shorter time for Derek than Derek had to wait for him.

 ‘’Are you coming in or what?’’ Stiles asks as Derek makes no move to climb over the windowsill.

 ‘’I didn’t expect that you’d actually be waiting for me.’’

 ‘’You came though.’’

 ‘’I wanted to make sure you were okay…’’

 ‘’I’m fine,’’ Stiles replies smiling, ‘’I’ve been waiting for you.’’

Derek checks the time on his watch and takes an adorably confused expression. ‘’Why?’’

Stiles softly grasps Derek’s chin and leans forward to give him a small, tender kiss on his bottom lip.

‘’I don’t want to go to sleep without you by my side. Not tonight, not tomorrow and not ever again...’’

With their faces so incredibly close Stiles doesn’t miss the look of shocked surprise in Derek’s eyes and he can hear the small wounded sound he makes as if he suddenly got punched in the chest.

He hopes for an extremely enthusiastic kiss but instead he gets Derek’s arms around him, grasping at him like a lifeline.

‘’Are you okay?’’

‘’I just thought - fuck- I thought that maybe I had lost you for good. I was scared that nothing I did or said would matter enough to fix the damage I did to us.’’

Stiles lets out a weak, kind of self-deprecating chuckle. ‘’I don’t think you understand how quickly I was ready to forgive you. That was the scariest part for me. You broke my heart and yet I was ready to erase everything in seconds just because I could not stand even the thought of losing you. I think...that would have destroyed us in the long run, that’s why we needed the time…’’

He tries to disengage from the hug but Derek doesn’t let go before pressing his lips on the sensitive spot under his ear and then his temple.

Stiles’s not going to lie. He has missed the feel of Derek’s mouth on his skin. He has missed Derek’s everything.  Since their first and last time together every part of his body has been craving the contact of Derek’s own with a kind of physical ache that Stiles imagines addicts probably experience.

‘’Come,’’ Stiles says as he goes back to clean up the bed from all the junk and crawl back under the covers, waiting for Derek to climb in.  

Derek strips down to his underwear and approaches the bed. He stands on the edge expectantly.

With a playful gesture of his finger Stiles motions for him to get closer. He turns around, trying to get comfortable on his side, hoping that Derek will get the message and snuggle up behind him.

Soon he feels a warm presence plastered against his back and a firm hand on the base of his abdomen.

‘’Can you feel her? She’s a bit restless tonight.’’

‘’Yeah... it’s been an exciting night for all of us.’’

‘’I can’t believe everything’s finally falling into place. I’m like… too happy to go to sleep.’’

‘’Glad to hear it, baby. You should rest though, it’s almost morning. Just close you eyes,’’ Derek tries with a soothing tone. He slowly drags up Stiles’ t-shirt and starts massaging his bump.

‘’Hmm…that feels crazy amazing,’’ he turns his head to meet Derek’s eyes. ‘’You’re gonna be such a great dad.’’

Derek’s grinning from ear to ear. Stiles thinks that the man has never looked younger than right now with this expression of unadulterated happiness as he basks in the praising words he offered. He had never even dreamt his words would ever hold so much power as to affect someone so deeply. This is such a unique and humbling emotion.

They lose themselves into a kiss for a while. When Derek comes up for air he’s still smiling.

‘’I know I’ve said this before but I’m so happy it is you. I’m so grateful for all the things that went wrong so that we would get it right.’’

Stiles brings him down for another kiss. ‘’I love you,’’ he says while their foreheads are still touching.

‘’I think that’s the first time you’ve said that…’’

‘’Well, I hope you knew it anyway…’’

‘’It’s still nice to hear it.’’

Stiles nods in understanding. He reaches out to caress Derek’s face and then rolls again around, closing his eyes. Derek’s arm is soon wrapped around him once again.

‘’Goodnight, Stiles.’’

‘’Goodnight, Derek. I love you.’’

* * *

 

That night- well, almost dawn really- Stiles dreams, for what will probably be the last time, of the little fox. He imagines that soon she’ll be more than a dream. The time is closing.

In the dream he’s still lying by Derek’s side. They’ve kicked their covers aside and they’re just laying there with joined hands. Derek’s eyes are closed and Stiles is watching him.

The door to the room is half open and hearing a creaking sound he turns to see his little fox battling to enter through it. The moment she succeeds she runs towards the bed and Stiles lends his hand to help her climb up.

First she moves to step lightly on his belly, poking there with her nose as if trying to figure out what it contains.

‘’Yep, it’s you in there little guy. I expect you will be visiting soon,’’ he says while petting her silken fur.

And then she sees Derek and her eyes widen. She quickly glides down the slope of his abdomen and jumps on the sleeping man’s chest. She looks at him with a singular kind of fascination.

 _‘’Is he mine?’’_ Stiles hears her thinking with a tone of wonder and hopefulness.

He looks between the two and he’s afraid his plain, mortal heart might not have been manufactured to withstand this incomprehensible amount of love.

‘’He is,’’ he replies finally. ‘’He is yours forever.’’

* * *

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	14. Epilogue

Stiles has never been more convinced about how much he loves his job than right now as he  willingly subjects himself to an extraordinary amount of hardship in order to come through for this assignment.

He’s been standing outside in the cold for more than two hours; temperatures he never thought he’d experience in his entire lifetime. Alone with his camera gear, in the middle of a never ending field of snow, trying to capture the perfect moment of the northern lights’ dance. It’s not easy though. Even though he’s far enough from the lights of the small village and the sky is perfectly clear, the aurora tonight is barely visible and he is sure it will not get any stronger as the night goes on.

He’s already started to pack up his equipment when he hears the sound of a snowmobile approaching from afar. His face breaks into a broad smile when he sees that it is Derek and on the sidecar next to him is Klaudia who is waving at him enthusiastically.

Stiles still can’t believe they’ve both followed him to all his travels this past year. It was Derek’s idea who thought this would be their last chance since Klaudia is starting at elementary school this fall. So the three of them have been having adventures all around the world; Peru, South Korea, Ireland, Greece and now in the Swedish Lapland.

‘’What are you guys doing here?’’ He asks as Derek picks their daughter up from the snowmobile and walks up to him. They both look incredibly adorable with their matching uniforms.

Klaudia clumsily removes her helmet and gives him a toothy grin. ‘’We missed you, daddy!’’

It always throws him off how much she resembles Derek. The hair, the eyes, the facial expressions...The only thing she has taken from Stiles is probably his skin complexion and _maybe_ his love for photography ; time will show if that’s just a temporary infatuation or not.

‘’I was about to start heading back. I missed you too very, very much,’’ he says kissing her on her tiny nose and then leaning in to kiss his new husband. Derek proposed ages ago but they only managed to make it official in the beginning of this fall when their family and friends travelled to Oia to be part of the ceremony.

‘’We thought we could go to that small cabin close to the river. Light a fire and have dinner there,’’ Derek says, pointing to the basket that is still sitting inside the sidecar.

‘’Absolutely. I’m starving. Let’s get going, gang!’’

As they walk back to where they snowmobiles are parked, Klaudia continues to stare with awe at the starry skies above them.

‘’Wow. Have you seen so much beautiful before, daddies?’’

‘’Yes,’’ both Stiles and Derek reply in unison as they lovingly look at her.

* * *

 

                                                                                                                    _**The End**_  


[ _******** photoedit i made on tumblr for the fic_ ](https://chrysthebadwolf.tumblr.com/post/185593528376/ill-throw-us-stars-stars-stars-words46975)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you friends for sticking with this story until the end. I really enjoyed writing it and it feels kind of weird that now I have to get on creating a different universe since I truly loved this one. I was sort of hoping to go heavy angst with this story but once again I feel I fixed everything too quickly just because I love my sons so much and I hate to see them suffer (for long). Well... I'll do a better job next time.


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